Cloudy


Sheraliellee finished dressing for her day off. She twisted once, twice before the mirror and nodded satisfactorily.

"How do I look?" she asked Tiny Ted.

"Gigantic, same as ever," he said. She rolled her eyes at his permanent pessimism. Then she scooped him up and attached the leash to his harness. The other end looped through a buttonhole on her collar and he rested in her breast pocket.

In the front room of the cottage, her roommate was teasing her own human. Itsy Betty was trying to stand on a wooden stick that Iwanada held between her two hands over the punchbowl.

"Walk it, walk it," she urged her pet. "Get to the other side, and I'll give you a treat." IB ignored the voice as she concentrated on walking.

Shera leaned over Iwa's shoulder to watch. With a final lunge, IB made it to safety. Iwa dropped the stick and held IB up to kiss her proudly. Then she looked up at the other woman.

"Where are you off to?"

"Just exploring," Shera said.

"Well, grab a water bottle, it's going to be hot today."

"It's certainly hot in here," Tiny grunted from his spot in the pocket. She brushed it gently and went to the kitchen.

An hour later, they were well beyond the tourist paths of the strato-cumulus, down into the stratus. The trees were sparser, shorter and paler. Even the wind sounded lost and lonely to Shera.

So she talked more. As ever, Tiny Ted responded almost entirely with monosyllables. But she did feel better that he was with her.

"I feel better that you're with me," she told him after a while. "Like, bad things can't happen around me if you're here."

"Jeez, that's great," he yelled. "I get kidnapped, enslaved, sold in a pet store, dressed in bondage leather, leashed and treated like a hamster, and now I'm also a lucky rabbit's foot. Anything else I can do for you, oh oppressor of the small and helpless?"

"You're silly," Sheraliellee giggled. Even his little fuming sulk was funny, to her.

Then she saw it.

A dip in the stratus clouds actually went down to the cumulus level. No plant life grew there at all. The veil between worlds was thin enough to reach through, there.

"Oh, Ted, do you see that?"

"I see your boob, if that's what you mean." She fished him out and held him on her palm. At the length of his leash, she aimed him to the dip. "Oh. Clouds. Clouds in the land of the cloud giants. Yeah, I can see why you're excited about that. Can we go home, now? I was going to paper my cage."

He groaned as she started to ease down the slope. "What are you going to do, now? Dig down to give me a glimpse of home, then take me back to durance vile? Please. I'd rather you left me alone with Iwa again."

"Aw, don't you want to see Earth? I never have."

"If I see Earth, I'll wanna go back to Earth. Without you, no offense."

"None taken," she said, cheerfully. At the edge of the dip, she hesitated, then took one careful step out. The lowest level of cloud seemed the most insubstantial. It held her weight, but it seemed fragile. "A beanstalk must have pierced this spot," she whispered.

"Awesome. You do remember that most giant/human stories end up with the giant being dead, right?"

"Only when humans tell them," she said absently. She walked around with more and more confidence, looking to spot the telltale leaves of a bean plant. She was just about to give up when Ted pointed.

"If, uh, if you really are looking for something, that green spot's a little different."

Instead of looking for the leaf, she looked at Tiny Ted. He was trying to look uninterested, but he could have just stayed silent.

"You DO wanna see home again, don't you?"

"Maybe a little," he admitted. Shera knelt some distance from the leaf and crawled carefully towards it. It wasn't a bean stalk, it would have been as big around as she was, and towered up above her head.

This was a leaf of the bean vine, the other form of the magical plant. It didn't bridge the worlds. Instead, it grew in the cloud itself.

She carefully peeled back the clouding around the plant, revealing more and more of the vine. It led down and down, and eventually it let her part the clouds. Down below was a world, cast in shades of dark grey.

"Damn," TT said, perched on her wrist where she held back a curd of cloud, "sundown or sunrise. And no big city lights visible. Nothing to see, no idea what's going on down there, or even where it is."

"Aw," she said, "too bad. But maybe we can-" Her talk shifted to a scream as the cloud beneath her gave way. Miles of fall to a distant, darkened world loomed before her as her body slipped down into the hole.

"VINE!" Ted shouted, slapping at her hand. In reflex, she reached out to grasp the plant. It didn't stop the sliding, but the fall changed to a twist. Before she knew it, she was dangling from the bottom of the cloud, grasping the vine.

She could barely make out the cloud bottom, but it was clearly covered with lengths, coils and twists of the vine. She grabbed another handful, kicking her legs to try to get back to the hole. Ted grasped at the cuff of her shirt sleeve, pointing the way back.

As they watched, it oozed closed. Without a bean plant penetrating it, there was no way through. Then there was a popping sound. Roots of the vine were breaking off from her weight. That added stress to the next circle of rootings outward from her position. They held, but not long. More pops sounded and with a sickening lurch, she dropped a few feet more.

"Hang on tight!" Ted urged needlessly.

"I don't think I can!" she replied. He glanced from the plant, to her, and back again. Then he let go of the cuff and dropped to her head. Another jump and he was between her shoulder and throat.

She felt him work at the clip of his leash. To her amazement, he had the strength to open it. Then he was hauling himself back up her sleeve to her wrist.

"Don't fall!" she warned him. Without the leash he'd be lost. Then the plant dropped her another foot or two. The yank loosened her grip, but she recovered quickly.

She realized that with or without the leash, he was about to fall to his death. One way or another they were going to go to Earth. "I'm sorry for this, Tiny Ted," she said. "I never meant-"

"Shaddap!" he shouted. At her hand, with a leg locked in her sleeve, he dragged the length of his restraint up. Then he wrapped it around her hand and the vine it held.

Working quickly like a sailor in rigging, he made her hand fast to the plant. Finally, he removed the clip from his own back, snapped the two ends together, and sagged into her sleeve, exhausted.

With a firmer grip on her right hand, she let loose with her left, scooped her pet out and placed him safely back in his pocket.

They rode the vine almost all the way down to the Earth. Foot by foot, the roots tore, the plant dipped, the planet got closer. Then one side parted and the dip became a swing.

If she weren't in mortal terror, Shera would have thought it fun, swinging back and forth in the sunrise, watching mountains and lakes pass by below. At least there was no sign of habitation. She'd be mortified to be seen this way.

The last strand parted while she was over a lake. She plummeted down and plunged to the depths.

Icy cold water closed over them both, then she was on the bottom. A single kick took her to the surface, where she floated on her back and worked Ted free with her left hand. The right still dragged a long length of greenery.

After Ted stopped sputtering and whining, she started to unwrap the cord around her hand.

"Save...save....keep the...vine," Ted ordered, between coughs, sneezes and profanity. She didn't understand, but didn't argue. When she was ready, she backstroked carefully to the shore, then walked out onto a wide, sandy beach.

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"Crap, crap, crap, crap," Ted was saying.

"What's wrong?" she asked. "I mean besides the obvious? Daddy's going to kill me if he finds out I fell to Earth without the right license."

"What's wrong?" he looked up at her from the ground where she'd placed him. She'd worried briefly that he'd scamper for freedom, but she couldn't hold him and wring out her clothes at the same time. So she put him down and stripped.

As he dodged the stream of water coming down from her shirt, he answered. "What's wrong is that I've seen King Kong! And the Attack of the Fifty Foot Woman. I don't particularly want to be in your pocket when the jet fighters and attack helos arrive. We have to get you home, quickly."

"Okay," she agreed, looking around theatrically. "Do you see a sign for the elevator?"

"Beans," he said.

"Pondy's human uses that for a swear word," she mused. "I never heard you-"

"Plant. Beans. From. The VINE!" he shouted.

"Oh!"

A few minutes of pulling the plant produced a dozen bean pods. She snapped them quickly and examined the beans themselves.

"They look healthy," she told him, holding her palm down where he could see. He shrugged.

"Okay, now we need a digging tool..." he said, looking around. Shera reached over his head and grabbed a tree by the base. She ripped it up by the roots, dropped the beans in the hole, and folded dirt back into the hole by hand.

The tree she tossed over her shoulder into the lake. "Now what?" she asked.

"What do you mean, now you climb the beanstalk and go home!"

"Oh, Ted, it's going to be days before that thing grows." She stood and looked around the forest.

"Days? It's magic!" he shouted incredulously. For a response, she reached down and plucked him up.

Holding him before her face, she asked: "How long does it take non-magic beans to grow around here?"

"Um, uh...okay, I don't wanna talk about it. Days, huh? Well, we'll have to avoid attention."

A helicopter appeared over the nearest mountain and flew directly towards the lake. It circled for a moment, then moved to a position well above her reach and hovered.

"DO NOT MOVE!" a voice sounded. "A NATIONAL GUARD UNIT IS IN TRANSIT TO YOUR LOCATION. ANY UNAUTHORIZED TRAVEL ON YOUR PART WILL BE TAKEN AS HOSTILE ACTON. DEADLY FORCE IS AUTHORIZED AS A PREEMPTIVE DEFENSE AGAINST THE INCREDIBLE DESTRUCTIVE POWER AVAILABLE TO ONE OF YOUR SIZE!"

When the voice fell silent, Shera dropped her head and whispered to Ted. "I'm not making eye contact. Do you think they saw us?"

------

Ted had Shera refashion the leash holding him to her collar, and stay sitting next to the tiny bean garden.

"As long as I'm on your shoulder, they won't dare attack."

"That's so smart, Ted. Where did you learn that?"

"King Kong."

"Oh, and how well did that work out for the gorilla?"

"Uh...fine, fine. So, sorry about this," he apologized, gesturing towards the helos. The first one had been relieved by a pair. One hovered while the other circled.

"It's okay," she said, gesturing dismissively. "I can't blame tiny people for being afraid of big monstrous ones."

"But you're not monstrous," Ted replied. "You're polite, you're loyal, you have a great sense of humor."

"I thought you hated me?" she said, then covered her mouth. She turned carefully to look down at him.

"I take it you didn't find ALL of my surly comments funny?" he said with a wry grin. "Well, I guess I didn't mean all of them. I was pretty pissed when you bought me, but after that..."

"You were in the habit of being a character."

"Yeah. Sorry for that."

"It's okay," she said with a careful shrug. "Some time back, I guess I noticed a change. Your comments stopped being so biting. I... I thought maybe you disliked being a pet... But maybe... you liked me."

"I guess I do," he admitted. They smiled at each other, danger and scrutiny forgotten, for a long moment.

"Okay," she finally asked, "so how do WE get home, now?"

"I have an idea..."

------

"Oh, helicopter? Helo pilot? Can I ask a favor?"

" DO NOT MOVE!" a voice sounded. "A NATIONAL GUARD UNIT IS IN TRANSIT TO YOUR LOCATION.-"

"Yeah, yeah, yeah," she stipulated. "All that. It's just..." she gestured towards the setting sun. "It's getting cold. Can I build a fire? My little Ted is freezing in his wet clothes, and my pocket is wet, so he's even colder in that."

"RELEASE THE HUMAN! HE WILL BE-"

"Oh, no, we can't. He's magically spelled to be my familiar. If he leaves me, he dies." She hadn't been sure that the military unit would accept a magic excuse. But she hadn't been able to discuss it with the little man whispering in her ear.

They couldn't hear his advice, but they would have heard her side of any discussion. Still, he'd sensed her hesitation.

"Don't worry about it," he assured her. "The military's not usually equipped to judge magical matters. And with a giant woman appearing out of nowhere, they'll have to at least think it's possible."

Eventually, they allowed her to collect wood for a fire. When the bonfire was piled, she rubbed two trees together helplessly, dropping one or the other every so often.

"I'm sorry," she told Ted. "I'm losing feeling in my hands, and-"

"STAND BACK, MISS." The helo pilot fired a weapon into the piled wood and it burst into flames. Ted had assured her that chivalry and the chance to blow the shit out of something would work their magic in the pilot's mind.

She waved her thanks and leaned forward. After warming herself at the fire, she started to undress. "I need to dry my clothes," she told the watching unit.

As Tom predicted, there was no objection to her nudity at the fireside. And with the boobies swinging freely in sight, no one watched closely as she placed her clothes. Before anyone noticed, they were ablaze.

----------

"Mister Ted! Please come down to talk with us!" the bullhorn sounded. Echoes from the trees and across the lake made a pleasant counterpoint, in Shera's view.

Ted refused. "You'll grab me and take me away from my Mistress, General! I'll die!"

"Not at all," the voice replied. "We just want to coordinate moving...your mistress to the Army Base for her protection. And transportation."

"You gonna walk her naked across the state, General?" Ted's voice was becoming hoarse, so Shera lifted him off her shoulder to hold him over the General's Humvee. Way over, so the soldiers crouching behind the bushes couldn't rush him.

"It's not our fault that she burned her clothing in the fire, Mister Ted!"

"Never said it was, sir. But are you going to expose god-only-knows how many civilians, and your own men, to her naked charms as she goes across-country?"

"Clothing will be made available in the hangar we're getting ready for her. It'll be quite comfortable. Wouldn't you like to come inside and be warm, soldier? I mean, son?"

"Bring the clothes here, sir, and then we'll be glad to follow you. The classic loin cloth and a bra would be enough. She really doesn't want the first media chopper to see her to see that mole on her...uh, thigh."

"That'll take three days," the General complained.

"That'll be about right," Shera agreed.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- They actually did come up with the clothing before the beanstalk grew. A canvas diaper with javelins for retaining pins and a wrap for her top.

As a delaying gesture, she kept pinning herself or dropping the devices on the ground. Finally, the Seabee unit that had fashioned her toilet took the javelins for redesign, while a surgical team dealt with her boo-boos.

For one more night, she curled around her napalm-enhanced fire, shivering in the darkness. Ted, sandwiched between her breasts and cozy as a scarab beetle in a manure truck, worried about her.

"Are you going to be okay?" he asked. "I mean, to climb?"

"I'll be fine," she assured him, unable to express more detail.

She crossed her fingers where he wouldn't see them, and hoped she was right.

Midnight came and so did the stalk. At the edge of the area she'd collected trees from, the soil burst open and the stalk shot into the air.

The magic of the stalk kept it out of anyone's sight unless they were within arm's length of the plant. This gave Shera a 70:1 advantage.

"Gotta go," she said, lowering Ted to the ground. Around her, sentries perked up at the sound of her voice.

"What are you doing?" he hissed, running towards her ear.

"Going home," she said, "so are you."

Two steps and she was at the beanstalk. It was designed for people to climb it and she swarmed up to the sky.

Chaos reigned beneath her. Searchlights flared, choppers circled and orders were broadcast. But the magic hiding the stalk hid her as well. She had a brief worry that the chopper above her was going to hit the stalk, but it missed by inches and sailed on.

Half a mile up, with Earth way behind, she hooked her fingers into the twining coils of the plant and relaxed.

She couldn't quite sleep, but she rested as well as possible. Until something hit her ankle.

"Make a hole, bitch!" a voice cried. "One side or a leg off, climber coming through."

Ted climbed carefully around her feet and up to where she could reach him. She held him to her face and they smiled at each other.

"Oh, Ted, what are you doing here? You could go home!"

"I am," he said simply. "Let's go!"

"But I didn't want to put you in danger," she protested. "They could find the stalk any time now and blow it up!"

"Nah, I told them you were a lake monster. Like Nessie or Champy. Plucked me from a fishing boat and came ashore to lay your eggs. They're searching the waters, now."

"Oh, I could kiss you!"

"Later," he said, gesturing towards her shoulder. He tied himself next to her ear, so they could talk while she climbed.

With new energy, she climbed the rest of the way without a pause. fff