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Tiny Totter Part 4



The nightmares came that night, too. Tammy rolled out of bed and grabbed her robe.

Totter was in the corner of the cage, beating on the mesh. It flexed with his blows, so he wasn't bleeding this time.

Some of the fluffy towels from the first night were in his cage. She used one of those to confine and then lift Totter up to her face.

"Totter," she said softly, shaking him a tiny bit. He continued screaming, something about a blaster. Then she realized it was a name. She was calling for Blaster to come to him.

She folded him gently in the towel, into a restraining cocoon. He twisted and yelled, but she stopped his flailing. She hugged him and waited.

After a while, he quieted again. A little after that, he seemed to wake up.

The light from the kitchen wasn't really enough for him to see her face. But he had to hear her breathing, to smell her. "Tammy?" he asked.

"I think you were having a nightmare, Totter."

"Oh. That." He was quiet for a few moments.

"You were calling for Blaster," she said. "Is Blaster a friend of yours?"

"Was."

She gave him the usual few seconds to expound, which he ignored as usual. "Do I want to know what happened to Blaster?" she finally asked.

"No," he said.

"Was Blaster your friend?"

"Yes."

She turned, bringing her feet up onto the sofa and sliding down a bit. Totter's cocoon rested on her bosom. She could just see his face, contrasting with the fabric of the towel.

"Do you remember good things about Blaster?"

"What?"

"Well, I've lost a few friends over the years. And I don't think they would want me obsessing on their death. So when I think about them, I try to remember good things. I try to remember why they were my friends."

Then she was quiet as her sylph thought about that. "Blaster taught me to fight," he finally said. "Blaster was old enough, he remembered shrinking. He knew martial arts." Long silences punctuated the following conversation. It dragged out slowly but surely over the next few hours.

She began to realize that Blaster was the superhero a young Totter had needed. He'd been the fifty-fights sylph.

Taught younger fighters how to fight, how to count, how to keep out of the Lords' attentions.

He probably couldn't really jump three feet in the air and kick the teeth out of a Lord's mouth (even one at a time). But if that was how Totter wanted to remember him, she wasn't going to be a bitch.

His delays stretched longer and longer, often interrupted by yawns. She just waited, cuddling him, sometimes reaching a finger over to pet him.

"Tammy?" he said after about an hour of this.

"Yes, Totter?"

"I feel better." Then he went to sleep. She smiled as she listened to his breathing. After all that, she wasn't about to risk waking him up. She slid down a little bit on the sofa, made sure the wrapped sylph was secure and waited for morning.

When Tammy woke, she was alone. It was the first thing she noticed, that the fluffy towel was unwrapped across her chest. She froze, afraid to move at all.

She didn't know where Totter was, she might accidentally shift her weight onto him and-

Snoring drew her attention to the floor. She twisted her head the slightest big. Totter had climbed up the outside of the mesh cage. He lay spread across the top like on a giant, flat hammock.

She could breathe again. She left him alone and walked softly towards the bathroom. His snoring got louder as she walked away.

She came back and knelt beside him. She lowered her face until her nose was hovering over his head. "Is someone faking?" she asked.

He started to giggle. She reached up to poke at the little faker. One fingernail tapped his butt. He howled as if she had spanked him.

The little figure rose up in what looked like a starter's crouch. She pinched his ankle to keep him from running away.

He yanked, twisted and kicked at her fingers with his free foot.

She waited patiently. "Tell me when you're through trying to beat me up, Totter," she said. The stopped in mid-kick.

"Oh. Hi," he said. He relaxed and she picked him up.

"Totter, you have some minefields in your head," she said. She cuddled him to her cheeks.

"Sorry," he said.

"Well, it's not exactly something you chose," she said. "No need to be sorry. We just have to be careful." She moved him to where she could kiss his head.

"Now, I'm going to go to the bathroom. You wait in your cage until we have breakfast, okay?"

"Okay." He seemed to have completely gotten over whatever the poking had done to him. Tammy opened the cage and lowered him down.

She closed the lid and stood up. At the last moment she turned and looked down at him.

"Totter? Why did you get off of me and onto the cage?"

"You snore," he said.

She started to protest. But then the image of a poor sylph resting down below her nostrils... Even if they were, to her, tiny lady-like snores, coming from those things they'd be like sound-cannons to him!

"Oh," she finally said. "Well, then... Uh, I'm sorry."

"It's okay. I just started to get dizzy from all the shaking," he said. Then he turned and walked into the toilet box.

She went to start her morning routine.

-----

It was a six-minute drive to the supermarket. Totter stood at the window of his carrier where she'd mounted it, watching the world go by.

She attached the shoulder strap, then paused before disconnecting the mount. "Totter? This time of day, the market's going to be more full of people than the store we went to yesterday."

He nodded. "Okay. I can close the windows, then?"

"You can. I'll tap the sides twice," she demonstrated, "if I want your opinion of something. And if you do look out the window and see something you like? Let me know."

"Okay," he repeated. He looked around. "I'll try it with the windows open." He sat in the chair and put on the seatbelt. Then he gave her a thumbs-up.

She watched where she was walking but mostly paid attention to the carrier. She heard him slide one window shut before they got across the parking lot.

As the automatic door opened, and the Muzak played, and the bake sale just inside asked if she wanted anything, she felt him scramble for the other two.

The carrier clipped to the little seat in the cart. It seemed secure. She set the list next to it and started shopping.

She threw some fruits in the basket. And a small sponge cake. She paused at the deli. Well, in for a penny, in for a pound.

When the counterman got to her number, she explained. "I've got a sylph that's only ever had...dogfood," she guessed. "I want to introduce him to actual food."

"Well, you came to the right place. What'll it be?"

"Is there any way I could get one slice of turkey? And one slice of ham? And, whatever else you might suggest? I don't want it to go bad before he gets around to eating it, but if it's too much trouble...?"

"For someone fed dogfood? No, no trouble!" he promised. He began rushing around behind the counter. A single slice of just about everything behind the glass ended up in her order, carefully separated by waxed paper. And he rang it all up as one order of baloney.

"It's simpler that way," he said with a wink. She thanked him. Totter surprised her by thanking him, too. The man laughed and waved.

"I didn't know you were listening!" she said as they went on.

"I heard you talking about food," he said.

"Well, I'm glad you felt comfortable enough to open the window."

After the deli was seafood. She stopped and picked up the carrier. He looked out at her curiously.

"Okay, this was my favorite part of shopping when I was a kid. The lobster tank."

"What's that?"

"It's where they have lobsters. You can see the tank as we go by. And there are some big, ugly monsters inside the tank. But they can't hurt you, okay?"

"Okay." He looked at her trustingly.

After the buildup, and after the thrill of fear she used to feel at the sight of those big claws, she was a little disappointed. Totter saw them and just nodded.

"These don't scare you?" she asked.

"You said they can't hurt me." She stared at him for a moment. He shrugged and said, "Spiders are scary because there's no glass."

"You got that right, little man," she said. She shuddered. He laughed to imagine a giant like her being afraid of something the size of his forearm.

There wasn't any more excitement on the trip. Not for Totter, anyway. Tammy found the whole experience surreal.

She imagined everything from a sylph's point of view. Cereal boxes the size of billboards and jars that could be used as a study. Milk jugs you needed scaffolding to open.

The bakery reminded her of a zoo she'd been to. Keepers had put a loaf of bread in the mouse exhibit and let the rodents eat tunnels through it.

It was weird, a world suddenly new and nostalgic. It was like something out of a children's book she'd read years ago, but it was the same supermarket she'd been in a week ago.

Totter didn't have enough experience to put any of it in a context. He just watched it all go by. Or he ran over and closed the windows for a bit when it was overwhelming.

Somewhere around the dairy aisle, he had braved opening the window again. They passed a cart with an infant who burst out screaming as they passed.

Tammy glanced down to see how Totter was taking it. She saw that he was trying hard to close a window. He was slamming it too hard, though, and the latch wouldn't hold.

She didn't say anything, just reached down to close the window for him. When they got to the next aisle, she tilted the carrier over and opened the door. She hoped the angle would make it harder for him to get out if he decided to run. Then she put her hand in and just held it next to him.

He wrapped his hands around her fingers and shivered against her. She felt his breath on a knuckle. His heart pounded against her finger.

People looked at her oddly as she stood there among the frozen foods. She smiled at them and they moved on quickly.

When the immediate area was clear, she lifted the cage and whispered into it. "I don't blame you, Totter. That baby scared the hell out of me, too."

"It did?" He calmed immediately. She looked inside to see a thoughtful expression on his face. "Giants get scared?"

"Yeah," she said simply. "We'll talk about it. But, yeah, sure." She glanced down at her list. "We've got, uh, three more aisles to go. Then checkout. Then putting stuff in the car. Then we go home.

"I wonder if you'd like to strap yourself into your bed until we're on the road?"

"I... If that's okay, Tammy?" She smiled and nodded. He let go of her and leaned on the wall. She shut and locked the door. She locked the carrier in place and moved on slowly.

------

"Well," Tammy said as she drove, "I guess I fear things I can't control." She glanced over to see his eyes bugging out. "You, for instance."

"You're afraid of me?"

"I'm afraid for you. When you burst out and scurry? I don't know where you're going. I'm afraid you'll get yourself hurt. Or that I'll hurt you if I move furniture trying to find you."

"You couldn't hurt me, Tammy."

"But I could," she said. "If you got between the cushions and I sat on you, or if you were in the sofa springs or under the feet of the rocker? It would be an accident, but I could hurt you."

"Oh." He accepted that she might hurt him, but he was amazed that something as big as a human could feel fear.

Suddenly, that struck her as funny. Hilarious, even. She started laughing. Loud, long and hard. She had to pull over for a moment.

He watched. He was obviously confused, but not afraid. Her laughter made him smile.

When she was under control, she opened the carrier and picked him up. He sat on her hand as she stroked his head and his back. "I'm sorry, Totter. It just... The whole situation seems funny."

"Funny?"

"Totter, two days ago, I was... Well, not weak. But my self-image was a little lacking in confidence. I'm short. I've always been short, shortest in my office, shortest in my classes. Now, I have someone that looks up at me and can't believe I have anything to be afraid of."

"Well, no, Tammy," he said.

She waited a moment. "Is it because I'm just so freaking huge, in your eyes?"

"No," he replied. She made a circling gesture with her finger. He watched it go round and round. He watched it silently.

"Totter, this gesture means to speed up the tape." He looked up at her. "What it means is, say something else. Continue talking. Please?"

"Okay. Um. For me? It looks like the whole world's made for you. For your size. The Lords were always in charge. You're in charge." The sequential comparison sucked all the laughter out of her in a split second.

He noted her gasp and flinched away from her face. "I didn't mean that! I didn't mean you're a Lord! Or like a Lord! Sorry!"

After a moment, she went back to stroking his back. "It's okay, Totter. I know you didn't. It just.. surprised me for a second."

"You're not like a Lord at all, Tammy!" He spoke fast, trying hard to explain himself before she took anything else wrong. "You're in charge, but you care! You want me to like you, not fight for you! You want me happy! You want... You want me to be like you. As much as I can be, I guess. I think. Maybe."

"Oh, God, Totter, that's exactly it! I want you happy! I want you to know about the world and tell me what it would take to make you happy! That's perfect! That's...all any of us could ask!"

He relaxed and leaned into her fingertip. She smiled and rolled him onto her hand face down. Two fingertips started a backrub.

Totter moaned and melted against her hand. Wait, melted? There was ice cream in the car. "We're going to have to delay this until the food's put away," she said.

"Whatever you want," he said dreamily. She eased him into the carrier and pulled back into traffic.

-----

The mysteries of the fridge fascinated him. She moved him to beside the sink, so he could see inside when she opened it.

"Now, you don't want to go IN the fridge," she said. He nodded. "It's cold and you'd run out of air." He nodded. "Which means you would die."

"Oh! That's bad," Totter said.

"That is," Tammy agreed. He moved back a couple of steps with a new-found respect for the fridge and the dangers within.

Interesting, colorful dangers. He craned his neck to watch her put the deli package in the meat drawer.

She kept a running commentary on what she was putting where, and why. He watched carefully, nodding if he recognized anything.

After that was the promised backrub. She put on some soft music and lay down on the floor. Then she put her sylph down and pushed him around with two fingertips.

He purred like a kitten and sank into the carpet. She kept going, getting softer and softer, until he was asleep.

She sat for a while, just watching him. She tried to remember if anyone had ever trusted her like that. Loan money, sure. Watch my kids.

But....watch over me as I sleep? Try not to step on me?

She was thinking these thoughts as she made her weekly call to her mother.

She brought Mom up to date on the sylph. What Totter had, how he reacted to yogurt, how incredibly good he was with numbers, how proud she was about his progress.

Mom laughed.

"What? What's funny?" Tammy asked.

"You," Mom said. "I need to get one of those T-shirts at the mall."

"Which one?"

"The one that says, 'Wait, you're telling me my grandchild lives in a hamster cage?' Your voice is just like your cousins'. Every one with a child talks about them the same way."

Tammy looked down at the tiny figure sprawled by her foot. "Okay, maybe."

"When can I meet him?" She sounded genuinely interested, not mocking.

"Can we have another week for him to get used to me?" Tammy negotiated. "Then introduce others?"

"Okay. But send pictures, I need something to put on my desk."

"Will do," she promised.





Tiny Totter Part 1

Tiny Totter Part 3



Totter, Too Part 1



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