Is It Rational?




“Some day, you’ll have to tell me what had you so scared.”

“You wouldn’t understand,” she said.

“Ah. So it’s either math, history, algebra, physics or a girl thing.”

“Algebra IS math!” she snapped.

“Damn. I’m dumber than I thought.”

“At least you know your limitations,” she said, mocking the encouraging tone of the guidance counselor. Miss Teal means well, so she can’t bring herself to tell a kid when college would be a waste of time and money. She can't even agree with them when THEY say so.

“I thought I did,” I said. I unlocked the back door and went inside. “You sure algebra isn’t English? All those letters?”

-----

In the bathroom, I ran water in the sink for her bath. When it was at the right temperature and depth, I put the privacy box over the sink and counter. It’s a simple carboard box, with one side cut out. Wax paper is stretched over that so she gets enough light to see what she’s doing, but I can’t see her bathe.

I undressed and showered and got into clean underwear and my robe.

She was standing on the counter when I lifted the box, in a clean leotard, a scrap of fabric wrapped around her hair. “Conrad, did you ANGER me into agreeing to finish my credits?”

“Yeah,” I said.

“How did you know it would work?”

“It always works,” I shrugged. I picked up my silent pet and carried her to the bedroom, lowering her to her bed.

I turned off the light and lay back. In the back of my mind, I saw the images as Electra reviewed pretty much our entire relationship. All the times I’d poked a hole in her fear or sadness or other emotions with a shot of anger.

“Conrad?” she finally called through the darkness. “You are a manipulative bastard.”

“Manipulate. You mean I’m good with my hands!”

“Asshole,” she shouted back. “But you guys were kind of ignoring me back there.” I didn’t reply. “Kind of like my parents used to?”

“Is this your attempt to manipulate me?” I laughed. “But it’s nothing like your parents. This was something Chrissy wants to do because she thinks it’ll make you happy. Chip wants to help because it’ll make you AND Chrissy happy.

“You were full of some sort of nameless dread that was going to keep us from a happy ending. So I got you to agree to Chrissy’s good idea.”

“But what if-“ she started to protest.

I sat up and turned on the light. “If the smartest person I know can come up with a rational objection to getting her diploma, I will listen and I will make Chip and Chrissy listen. If it’s irrational, you’d probably better keep it to yourself.”

“Why?” she asked, coming out where I could see her.

“Because I’m far more irrational then you are, and that gives me the advantage in such a debate.” I finished my claim of irrational superiority by making a face and crossing my eyes.

I can do that one eye at a time. Drives everyone buggy. Which is, of course, why I practiced until I could do it.

Electra laughed. “Okay,” she surrendered. “I’ll review my objections and see if they stand up to scrutiny. If they do, I’ll submit them to the panel for analysis.”

‘What?”

“I said I’ll think about it!” She went back behind her screen.

“Well, why didn’t you just SAY so?” I turned off the light. “What’s the point of being the smartest person in a room if we can just ignore you because you’re not a high school graduate?”

I rolled over and went to sleep.

And dreamed.



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Index

32. Denial

34. Our Dream