Announcements


While I was reading Cave Bear, we had our Very Much Not Valentine’s Celebration. A distant school had held a dance which honored Ste. Brigid, and gotten sued for church/state separation. They hadn’t come back with a verdict, yet, but our school board went crazy in the opposite direction and forbade any observation of a day connected with SAINT Valentine.

So, a week after the holiday, we had a day that we passed out Not Valentine’s Roses, another fund raiser.

And the five days leading up to Rose Day, we sold announcements to be read over the PA.

In preparation, I scooted over to the radio side of the station one night and sat in with Love Lisa. Lisa Lovell had a radio show where she played romantic music and read romantic messages from listeners.

So naturally, we asked Mark to get us permission to sit in on a broadcast of her show.

Miss Lovell greeted us and set us down inside the booth. We sat quietly while she sent a love letter out to Missy from John, then played ‘Every Breath You Take.’ While that stalker anthem was playing, she asked for details of our visit.

I explained about the announcements and that we had already permission for Electra to read the announcements meant for boys, while I’d be reading the ones for girls. I wanted to know if there were any tips.

“Announcer, huh?” she smiled. “When I was your age, the class announcer was the most extroverted idiot in the school. The class clown, as it were.”

“He prefers,” Electra said, “the term ‘Pratfall American.’ But he’s too polite to correct you.”

Lisa smiled. Then she held up a ‘wait one’ finger and turned her mike on. “Okay, now, I just got a call from someone who drove home this evening. He said that he passed a woman driving a pickup going the other direction. He wants to dedicate this song to the beautiful blonde driving the Chevy. He said your smile as you passed made his day.” She leaned back and keyed up ‘Pretty Woman.’

We watched as she logged the record then turned back to us.

“When was that call?” I asked.

“Oh, I made him up,” she said. We stared. “It’s no biggie. People listen to this show to hear about people in love, people looking for love, people finding or celebrating love… They don’t want to hear me begging the listeners to call in.”

Electra looked up at me. I took a note. ‘Make shit up to fill air time.’

“Okay, and call them ‘dedications,’ not announcements. Teachers make announcements, Lovers dedicate.” I wrote that down while Electra pointed out that we wouldn’t be playing music.

“That’s fine, sweetie. You can dedicate the day, the week, the month. You can dedicate Mrs. Foster’s Phys Ed class to ‘the shy girl in the back of the library.’ Anything.”

“Are you writing this down?”

“If you don’t move across the paper,” I said a little testily, “I’ll be writing it on you.” She stepped off the line before my pen reached her.

“And you need to sound sincere,” Lisa pointed out.

“Oh, yes,” Electra said. “Conrad has promised no sound effects.”

“That’s a good start.” She paused to play the Tijuana Brass’ ‘A Taste Of Honey,’ from Ted to ‘his honey bear.’

“Anyway, did you notice where I was looking?” We had to admit that we had not. She pointed to where a framed photograph sat above her board. “I read all the dedications to Ricky. Ricky makes it all worthwhile. I’ve loved him since… Well, never mind when I fell in love with Ricky.”

“That’s sweet,” Electra said, hands clasped together, a dreamy look on her face.

“That’s Khan,” I said.

“What?”

“Ricardo Montalban. Wrath of Khan.”

“Yes,” Lisa said breathily. “Of course, I loved him before the movie. That movie, anyway.”

“So, the emotional connection is more important than actual romance,” Electra said. “It IS Romance!” Lisa insisted. She sounded SO much like Electra insisting that she was a real gymnast, I had to laugh. Then I had to explain to two angry women that I wasn’t laughing at the nature or possibility of romantic love.

I think they almost forgave me.

On the way home, I expressed the opinion that we couldn’t just make up dedications that hadn’t been paid for. “But if we, well, bought some air time, we could maybe make some encouraging messages, and inspire others to buy dedications.”

“I’m in,” she said.

“I was going to buy twenty spots,” I said. “You can write five of them.”

“Why do I only get five?”

“Because I think more girls want to hear romantic stuff than boys do. You could always complain about how few boy dedications there are…”

“Good thinking,” she said.



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Index

39. Proud

41. Dedications