|
Treat
every surveillance camera malfunction as a full-scale emergency. |
|
Chances are your planet can get women without invasion by simply offering job and pay equity. |
|
Don't
lay your eggs in a major metropolitan tunnel system. Find a nice secluded cave. |
|
Don't climb tall buildings to evade capture unless you can fly. |
|
Do not try to ape human
ways to infiltrate. It never works, and you look silly. |
|
It is okay if all humans look alike. Learn the significance if they are dressed alike. |
|
Start
the invasion in rock bands. If you are discovered, no one will believe the
reports. |
|
Eat the press. It solves many problems
before they crop up. |
|
Do not use robots to invade. Their logic systems will be strangely vulnerable to people that cannot program a VCR. |
|
Don't attack the hero alone or in pairs. The Queen hatched a million of you for a reason. |
|
Learn human numbering systems. If you find something with a display counting rapidly DOWN, leave the area immediately. |
|
If a lone human draws your attention, then begins verbal abuse, leave immediately. They have A Clever Plan. |
|
Learn to distinguish Heroes from Sidekicks. |
|
If the
hero gives you a chance to surrender or flee, take it. |
|
Never hold hostages at point blank range. The attack speed of a human Hero is beyond belief. |
|
Do not devour beautiful women. It just gets people mad at you. |
|
Do not devour unattended children or puppies. They get worse. |
|
Conduct
all planning sessions in your own planet's tongue. A group of non-humans
speaking English, no matter how outrageous the accent, are just asking for
intel intercepts. |
|
Inoculate before
invasion. Earth could be speaking Martian right now... |
|
Distribute your power resources to decrease
vulnerability. . . and don’t use glass. . .
|
|
And Remember:
Superior Technology, Physiology or Numbers don’t mean as much as you might think . . . |
|
Another Toy Tower Production |
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