In Search of a Handbook For Satanism

hand·book (n.)
1. A book of reference, to be carried in the hand; a manual; a guidebook.
2. A concise manual or reference book providing specific information or instruction about a subject or place.

Sa·tan·ism (n.)
1. The worship of Satan characterized by a travesty of the Christian rites.
2. Satanism Profound wickedness.
3. The evil and malicious disposition of Satan; a diabolical spirit.
4. the worship of devils (especially Satan) [syn: diabolism, demonism, Satanism]

Harry Potter:
As a "Handbook For Satanic Practice," Harry Potter, his books and movies, make lousy instructional material. There are no Christian rites made into travesties. Well, one, the movie characters celebrate Christmas, which in itself has more of the Pagan than the Christian in its makeup. (It was even outlawed as a pagan celebration until, what, the 4th century? Then a Pope bowed to popular pressure, and decided, Well, if they're going to celebrate it ANYWAY, lets make it a Christian celebration...How about we say its Christ's birthday? Many scholars tend to place THAT in September.)

As handbooks go, it's about as informative as Star Wars for making one into a Jedi. Both require innate ability from birth. Not just anyone can show up at Hogwarts, or Jediwarts, and ask for appropriate training, even if they get their hands on a light sabre or wand.
For spell casting, the little (and big) wizards and witches point their wand and chant their terms. Things happen.
The potions mentioned use the usual eye of toad and other cliches. Nothing useful here.
There are no rituals described to improve personal power. Something can be done with unicorn blood to extend life, but like most recipes, the hardest part is getting the ingredients. There is an alchemical stone for immortality, but its use is left entirely to the imagination, much less its construction.
There are no greater powers invoked, nor named for later invocation.
No information to add to my Book of Shadows. Harry doesn't even HAVE a B.O.S.!
What does he have? What powers does this child of Satan use to dominate the theater and defeat evil? Well, he's protected from Voldemort by the incredibly demonic power of his mother's love. And in the end, he wins because he is motivated by 'Doing The Right Thing' rather than personal profit. How After School Special of him...
How am i supposed to become a demonic power among mortals using this Saturday Morning Cartoon magic? With all the Fundamentalists using the term 'handbook for satanism,' i'd have expected more of value here.

Dungeons & Dragons
Here, the details of the spells are described in much greater detail than in Potter, but are they useful outside of the game system? A description of the spell includes its name, damage done, duration, level of caster and time to cast. More importantly, whether it's powered by verbal means (such as the classic "abracadabra," for example); by physical means (wand waving); if it requires physical components, and which material spell components are needed (like a grasshopper leg for a JUMP spell).
The main purpose of this is to determine playability within the adventure.
For example: if a character can cast the spell while tied up, while gagged, or if a dragon burns off all his clothes and pockets. It does not, ever, describe the required words or gestures. It seldom describes how to use the material. Sometimes it will mention a circle of protection or something else that requires preparation. There are no instructions for the creation of a circle of protection. There is plenty of information on how the spell PLAYS. How it affects the action.
Monopoly doesn't describe the monetary system, or discuss fiduciary fiction in the Gold Standard, but you can figure out how much something costs. The point of view is on results, not construction.

So, a budding mage can fantasize all he wants about what to do once the spell is cast, but as far as learning HOW to do it...no such luck. Again, about as useful for world domination as Pinky and the Brain. Half of Brain's ideas stop at 'and then I will rise to power in the confusion.' Yes, but HOW!

But, does this draw a victim in off the path of righteousness into deeper and deeper levels of the occult? Is this a tool, harmless in itself, that draws victims toward evil? After all, if you're already in the Dark Demonic section, won't you read something else off the shelf?
But where will they go? What are they finding on the shelves?

The Necronomicon
You don't have one. Trust me. It's fiction. It was invented by fiction writers to string horror stories together. It promotes worship of Cthulu and other gods. Cthulu is a fictional god. The paperback copy i picked up at a drug store book rack mentions how the seeker can seek enlightenment thru the seventh gate, by invoking Ishtar Called Inanna by the Sumerians... This neo-pagan pablum is a light and fluffy spell collection with NOTHING to do with Cthulu. You're more likely to celebrate Solstice than a Black Sabbath with this thing.

BUT - Many people point out that there are a number of people in this country that cannot distinguish between reality and fantasy! This is noted by TOP (real) psychologists! If these people are exposed to Satanic Practices in AD&D or other fiction, won't they be drinking blood and sacrificing virgins in short order?
The estimates for this reality disorder run between 4 and 5 % of the population. Call it 5%. The conservative estimates for AD&D players run to 10,000,000. And that's just based on Sales. There are probably more that attend, or play, but aren't buying. AND that number is at least 10 years old. So, there should be at LEAST half a million people that are playing AD&D and think it is real.
BADD (Bothered About AD&D) was founded by a mother who claims that her son died because he played AD&D. Their list of kids killed by the game has 128 cases, between 1979 and 1988, most listed as game-related suicides.
Even if none of them are disputed, it is a small number in an age group that has over 5000 suicides a year. Even if ALL 5000 suicides a year are AD&D related (other than grades, dating, acne, alcoholic logic, or other teen angst), that's 1% of the supposed half million reality/unreality failures, and 0.05% of the AD&D playing population.
Again, 5,000 teen suicides is an average. If AD&D is killing them, we'd expect the number to be 505,000.
AD&D is safer than smoking or driving!
Scientific studies tend to show that while AD&D players have more occult KNOWLEDGE than most of the population (silver against werewolves, salt against zombies, etc.) they do NOT have greater occult BELIEF than the 'normals' do. Also, a study has concluded that dangerous personality types may be DRAWN to the game, but the game does not CREATE dangerous people that were safe before they played.


But don't take my word for it. I'm a gamer, and have played spell casters up above 12th level. My Druid maxed out at 14th level. According to Jack Chick, the crack monkey cartoonist, i have already reached a level to be invited in the actual spell-casting inner circle.

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