Annie XXIII: Vacation

(Chronological index: Ray/Denise Married, Ruth known)

Annie affected to be unimpressed by the view. "I mean seriously," she said. "Once a human falls 150 feet, they're at terminal velocity. Anything over that's just more climbing energy expended for no greater reward."

"Oh, you," Buttercup said. "This is wonderful!"

"I can see the ferry!" Pet said, pointing to the water.

"Great," Annie muttered. "We rode the ferry, drove through town, paid double-ridiculous for parking, then paid for the privilege of a ride up an outrageously tall elevator to the top of the Space Needle just to see where we've already been. Does the IRS give tax credit for superfluous stupidity?"

"We could always leave you in the hotel room," Ray suggested. Annie spun around to where the two humans hugged as they gazed out across the city.

"You wouldn’t dare…" she hissed. "I would…"

"Don't be making threats, Annie," Denise said. "They're very security conscious here. Not quite like the air marshals, but you don't want to draw that sort of attention."

The sylph looked quickly left and right. They were effectively alone on the observation deck. The few tourists there were inside, using the electronic displays and the enhanced camera zooms. Denise had wanted to 'really see' Seattle so they were outside.

Behind the wind wall, it was barely warm enough for the Floridians. Down below, all the natives were sweltering in what was, for them, an unseasonably hot spring day.

"So really," Annie asked, "what's the big deal of seeing a whole lot of a city? Shouldn't we be closer to something we can actually do?"

"You don't think you'll know the exact height over ground when you post to your blog?" Ray asked. "I doubt anything you write will include 'bored' or 'skull.' Still, we've made the full loop. Let's go do something else."

"Like what?" Denise asked.

"Well, I was thinking of seafood," he said. "It's kinda hard to find in a place like Seattle, but if we're diligent… Well, I have a few leads, some phone numbers…"

-----

Annie stood on an overturned butter bowl and surveyed the scene of the meal. Crab and oyster shells were scattered across one side of the table. Breading crumbs and shards of fish surrounded the tartar sauce.

Pet was dipping strips of crab into the cocktail sauce. She was slowing down with each successive bite, but still plugging away.

Ray had arranged empty clam shells around his plate as a barricade. It was the only way to be sure no one stole from his private shrimp supply. He was territorial about his shrimp.

Denise didn't like shrimp and actually encouraged burglary. To Annie, of course, that made Roy's shrimp the more desirable choice. She planned her larceny with care.

Below her, Buttercup staggered to the bowl and sank down against it. "Salmon…" she muttered. "Why did it have to be salmon?" She belched loud enough to drown out the horn of the departing ferry near the restaurant.

"Hang in there, Buttercup," Annie said as she stepped down. "You'll be ready to eat again some day. How's Thursday for you?"

Buttercup just groaned and slid lower. Annie stepped over to the clamshell wall. "Sir? I think Buttercup's through eating."

Ray glanced over and found the naked, still form on the tablecloth. "I think you're right. Is she breathing?"

"Oh, yeah. But she's not going to be dripping butter or sauce, so she could put her clothes back on."

"Denise has her clothes," he replied, cracking a crab's claw. Annie winced at the gunshot sounds.

"Her purse is by your feet, though."

"Mmm." He reached down below the table. Annie vaulted over the shells, grabbed a shrimp and ran for the border. Just as she cleared the shells again, Ray grabbed her in mid-air. "Mine," he said calmly.

"Miser!" she shouted. He held her over the plate until she dropped the morsel.

"If you'd only ask, Annie…" Denise suggested.

"Where's the fun in that?" Pet asked. She stepped over to where Ray was lowering Annie to the table. "Want to help me finish this crab leg, Annie?"

--------

The sylphs had built up a lot of energy during the cross-country flight. If they left the flight carriers, the plane sounds and vibrations pounded them. So they holed up in a space that was, to them, only a bit bigger than the corner table at Appleby's.

By the time they got to the hotel they were climbing the walls. Literally. Pet had discovered that the wallpaper had texture. The bumps and lines were big enough for sylph fingertips.

Ray came out of the bathroom to find himself eye to eye with a dangling Buttercup.

Denise was reading on the bed as sylphs climbed up over the headboard and dove onto the pillows beside her.

When the couple had turned out the lights for a little privacy, voices called from the curtains, the paintings, the air conditioner and the smoke detector.

The second night, after a trip to the Space Needle, two trips on the ferry, a tour of Pike Place, a detailed inventory of the Science Fiction Museum and a meal that the sylphs could crawl inside and hide, they weren't as overstimulated.

"Are we going to have enclosure follies again?" Denise wondered as they entered the room.

"Doubt it," Ray said. He lowered Annie and Pet into the carrier and lay them on the bed cushions. Pet hugged her Jaguars pillow and started to snore.

"'N wanna go bed," Annie muttered. Ray curled her into a fetal position and spread her MythBusters lens cleaner over her. "Wanna watch TV!"

"You are watching TV," Ray assured her.

"Oh. Tha's alright, then." Buttercup was snoring in Denise's pocket, and didn't stop as she was lowered to her own pillow.

"Where can we put the carrier?" Denise asked.

"Honey, we could make love on top of the carrier without waking them up." He swept her into his arms and carried her to the bed. "We're as alone as we've ever been."

Pet started to snore a little louder as they undressed. Annie softly shushed her.

------

"Remember," Ray said as Denise pulled into the parking lot, "you guys technically can't own money."

"Then why are we going to a casino?" Annie asked.

"Because casinos LOVE sylphs," he said. "It's more lucrative, for the house, than gamblers with a system." He collected Annie and Pet. Buttercup stayed on the dashboard.

"Seriously, they do," he went on. "People love to bet with or against a sylph, just to watch the sylph throw dice or turn cards or pick numbers. Just always make it clear that the human is betting."

"You said we could bet our allowances," Pet pointed out.

"You can, just don't ever refer to it as your money. I'll call you my good luck sylphs, flaunt you as much as possible, and divvy up the take back at the hotel."

"If there is a take," Denise snorted.

"Pessimist," Annie said.

"Realist," Buttercup countered.

"Well, it should be entertaining," Ray said. He opened the door and stepped out. "Have fun antiquing!"

"Have fun squandering!"

He smiled as the rental drove off, then turned to the building.

Annie considered herself a blackjack shark so they started there. Ray found an empty table and played two positions. Annie whispered instructions for his left hand of cards into his left ear. Those chips came out of Annie's savings.

Pet whispered lines from her favorite anime into his right ear. He played that hand as he wanted, with his own chips.

The dealer smiled indulgently at the customer taking instructions from his pets. The fact that one hand won significantly more than the other didn't seem to bother anyone involved.

"I figure I broke even," Ray said when he finally tired of blackjack. "You, on the other hand…"

"I'm the schnitzel!" Annie exulted.

"Shizzle, maybe?" Ray suggested. She ignored him.

Craps took some calibrating. He held a sylph in each hand and they dropped a die each. Pet's first one cleared the table completely.

Everyone laughed and the dealer gave them a Mulligan. They quickly mastered the dice, if not the betting on the dice. When Ray'd lost as much as he felt was in the afternoon's budget, he moved on.

Pet turned out to be a ninja on the video poker game. She danced on and off the buttons to deal, discard and bet, racking up credits hand over tiny little fist. Ray watched with awe, Annie with glee.

A small crowd gathered to watch for a while. Someone asked if they could touch Pet for luck.

"That's up to her. Pet?"

"Oh. Um. I guess. Free if your hands are clean, a quarter if they're sticky!" The watchers laughed, checked their hands and gently touched her.

That ended when she staggered back, wiping her face. "Garlic!" she spat.

"Oh, gosh, I'm so sorry," that gambler said. "I forgot about lunch…and I can't smell…"

"It's alright," Ray said, quickly gathering his sylphs and the bucket of quarters. He snagged another cardboard bucket to carry the girls into the men's room. Annie helped Pet wash off while Ray played the part of a privacy partition.

Ray let Annie try her hand at poker. The skills she'd developed in college stood her well. When she started raking in the money, though, one of the floorwalkers had a quiet word with Ray.

Annie and Pet waited on the green felt, trying to hear the conversation over the noise of the casino floor.

"Sir, your sylphs are quite cute at the craps or blackjack tables."

"Well, thank you."

"The management wants you to know that it's delightful how you play with them. And how the other guests find it entertaining. Entertaining enough to place their own bets."

"Yeah, well, that's partly-"

"The problem is, sir, that at the poker table, your sylph is taking money directly from other guests. It's not as cute, sir."

"Ah."

"We like cute, sir." He reached into his jacket pocket and brought out a small box. "We would like to encourage you and your sylphs to be cute against the house. Please accept this…encouragement."

"I…yes. Yes, we will. Thank you." They shook hands and Ray went to collect his sylphs and their winnings. When Annie realized they were leaving, she spun to toss a chip towards the dealer. The woman nodded thanks with a smile.

"Come on, little ones," Ray said. "We're going to go play craps for a while."

"But we were losing at craps," Pet pointed out.

"Yep. But now we have someone else's money to lose."

--------

Denise did ask if everyone enjoyed the gambling, but avoided the question of the overall profit or loss of the day.

Ray assured her that they had enjoyed themselves, but avoided mentioning the financial aspect.

Pet told her all about dancing on the keys and Annie complained about a system that molly-coddled people that shouldn't be in the damned casino if they weren't prepared to lose.

At the hotel, Ray dealt out stacks of cash like a fiscal Tarot reading. "Mine," he mumbled, "ours, theirs, hers, hers." Denise tried to look disinterested. As one stack grew and grew, though, Buttercup marched over and tried to count it.

"You said hers," she pointed out. "Which her is hers for this stack of cash?"

"That's Pet's winnings from video poker," he finally said. "Enough to pay for two nights in the hotel, plus two days of meals for all five of us."

Denise laughed and picked up her sylph. "Very, very well done, Pet."

"Um, yeah, okay," Pet said with a brave smile.

"Pet," Annie said, "Ray said 'enough to,' not that you had to."

"Oh. Okay, then. Well, I know what I want to spend part of it on, then!"

--------------

Denise brought Pet back to the room with a Best Buy bag. Then the others had to step out to the balcony until everything was set up.

When they were allowed back inside, they saw nothing had changed. Ray put the sylphs down on the dresser where Pet waited.

"Well?" Buttercup asked.

Denise opened the dresser drawer. She'd purchased a PSP and the sylph entertainment kit for it.

The handheld device was slotted in a display that made it look like a large-screen TV. Six overstuffed movie-theatre seats were arrayed before it and five UMD movies were stacked up at the other end of the drawer.

The power cord snaked up and over the side towards the wall socket for the lamp.

"Oooooooooh," Annie said, looking down into the minitheatre.

"All we need are snacks," Buttercup said. Right then, the microwave on the minifridge started to pop.

"So," Denise said as she reached out for Ray's arm. "I think you guys could find something to occupy yourselves for a little while?"

"Yeah, yeah," Annie said. She jumped down to read the movie titles. "Oh! This one has Travolta!"

The spouses were outside the room before the movie was loaded. None of the sylphs noticed.

-------

Pet finished the scroll she was reading and decided it was time to watch television. She climbed up to the carrier's turret and looked around the hotel room.

Denise had gone out with Buttercup and Annie to shop for some gifts for Carla and Ruth. Ray had chosen to take a nap. She saw the TV remote next to his pillow.

She mentally rolled up her sleeves and walked to the end of the dresser. The power cord to the TV was a path to the floor.

She jogged across to the foot of the bed and crawled up to the top. It was an easy walk across the bed until his hand moved.

The fingers arched and the hand crawled a bit, looking like a spider. Pet paused.

Ray's head was turned away. He couldn't see her. But the hand crept slowly, menacingly into her path.

She covered her mouth to suppress a giggle. Then she turned and ran to the side.

The hand chased her, finger-legs pumping madly. She reversed direction, trying to confuse it. It just retracted back into her path.

She squealed and zigged again. Light flickered on the brass lamp and she realized how he was seeing her. Another zig and she was headed towards his back. Once she was behind his body, he couldn't see her.

The hand stopped chasing and started sweeping. She crept close to his body, but not quite touching it. The hand got close but just missed her.

She held her breath and ran for the remote. When she got to his arm she dropped and crawled quickly across the comforter.

The hand finally stopped trying to find her and went to a defensive position at the remote. But the remote wasn't there.

The hand cast about, moving back and forth. The remote wasn't under the pillows or between them. It felt under the sheets and between the sheets and blanket.

Ray raised his head and started looking around the bed. There was no sign of Pet or the remote anywhere.

He did notice that there was a gap between the mattress and the wall. With growing suspicion he spun around and crawled to the foot of the bed. As he lifted the skirt, Pet pushed the remote into view.

She smiled and waved up at him, then stomped on the power button. The TV started to list the viewing options for the guests' enjoyment.

He laughed and lifted her and her well-earned booty up to the bed.

They were watching 'Harry Potter and The Skeleton Sylph' together when the others returned.

--------

Ray and Denise came back from the swimming pool. Denise went straight into the bathroom, Ray went to see how the sylphs were faring.

Annie was sitting on the phone on the desk. She waved for his attention.

"Ray? I was thinking." He ducked as if dodging a bullet. "Har. De. Har. Har."

"What were you thinking about?" he asked as he sat on the bed.

"My poker winnings? I was wondering if they were enough to pay for a phone call?"

"Depends on who you're calling," he said. He held out a hand and she stepped onto it. He rolled onto his back and set her on his chest. "If it's a 900 number, it'd better be a quickie."

She stomped her foot on his chest. "Ruth, you bastard. A call to Ruth!"

"Oh. Well, if she's at home and not roaming…" He paused for a second and looked at her. "And if Momma is letting her take calls…"

"That'll be okay."

"Are you sure?" He stroked her hair gently. "I don't want you to get all worked up, then disappointed."

"I'll be okay, Ray," she said.

"But you have such difficulty with sudden emotional downturns." Denise came out of the bathroom and laid beside him.

"What's the downturn?" she asked.

"Annie wants to call Ruth."

"Good." She nodded at the sylph. "See how her and her folks are doing? See how Momma's coming around?"

"If Momma's coming around," Ray corrected.

"Oh, she is," Annie said. Ray raised an eyebrow. "I, uh, already called." She raised her hands and started speaking rapidly. "But it was a very short call! Told her I missed her, made sure she was okay, kissy-kissy, and hung up. The poker winnings should more than cover it!"

"They probably could," Denise mused.

"Probably," Ray said. "I dunno, though. I generally don't bill for calls to family."

"That's funny," Denise said. "Neither do I."

"So how is she doing?" Ray asked.

"Oh! Well, Momma and her had a long, long talk. I don't think Momma's ever gonna be convinced Satan had nothing to do with my shrinking, but she is open to the idea that I'm a victim, not a demon!" If anything, she was talking faster than when she was on the defensive.

She sat down on Ray's chest and described her sister's life over the last week. Denise lay her head on Ray's shoulder as they listened with rapt attention.

------

Pet was fascinated by the octopi in the aquarium. Something about the inhuman creatures capture her imagination and held it.

Her indulgent family moved along the exhibits at her pace. Buttercup and Annie with a happy smile, Ray with a grimace from Denise's grip on his arm. Octopi also held her attention, and not in a good way.

"How can you look at those things?" she kept asking.

"They're neat!" Pet replied.

"And smart," Ray added.

"How smart are they?" Annie asked.

"And how can you tell?" Buttercup added.

"Well, there are a lot of aquarium stories about an escaped octopus. Usually, it's a story about other animal exhibits that disappear. Crabs, clams, any number of animals."

Pet finally signaled satisfaction and they moved to the next tank. The sylphs plastered against the glass, trying to see where this one was hiding.

"So," Ray went on, "the keepers always put in some surveillance, trying to find out who's sneaking in and taking their animals. Come to find out, it's the octopus. The things can open their tank, flop over to the crab tank, spend the night dining at their leisure, then go back to their home. Put the lid back in place and take a happy nap."

"Oh, they don't do that," Denise said.

"I don't see it," Pet finally concluded. "I think it escaped."

"Couldn't have," Buttercup said. "Could it?"

"Well, where could it have gone?" Annie asked. She looked around for a crab display.

Ray recalled another story about an escape. He glanced to the floor. The large grating in the floor drain was about a foot away from Denise's shoe. A slender tentacle was poking out, cheerfully exploring the area around it.

Please don't touch her, he thought silently. Please, please, please. He started to tug his wife away from the curious limb.

Pet chose that moment to locate the missing exhibit. She squealed in delight, pointing. Denise just screamed.

------

Annie prescribed a great quantity of ice cream for Denise's shock. Buttercup and Pet agreed. Ray recalled a parlor a few piers down from the aquarium and they were off.

Denise had to admit that Annie's idea was a good one as she licked fudge off of her hand. She shivered, and not from the temperature of the frozen treat.

"It didn't actually touch you," Ray pointed out once more. Denise shook her head, but didn't talk around her mouthful of Rocky Road.

"It could have," Buttercup replied, defending her big giant friend. "It was, like, right there!"

"Not helping," Annie said softly, dipping a waffle-cone crumb into the soft-serve.

"Seriously! That slimy, suction-cupped monstrosity-"

"It's not monstrous!" Pet replied. "I don't know about slimy…"

"It's slimy," Ray said confidently.

"Really not helping," Annie said a bit less softly.

"I'm just saying," Buttercup said, raising her voice over the cross talk, "that it was just as uncomfortable in potential as it might have been in reality. And potential worries can be just as bad as stuff that really happens."

Denise shifted her foot as she listened. Her toe brushed her purse. It was actually a subconscious habit she had, regularly making sure she knew where it was. Her toe knew what it was touching, so it never impacted her conscious mind.

The purse rolled, though, and the strap swung over and down, the soft leather laying across Denise's bare skin just above her shoe.

That was unlooked for and a report was sent to her conscious mind. To no one's surprise, she interpreted it as an octopus tentacle.

Ray later diplomatically referred to her reaction as a flinch. She flinched away from the table. About three feet away, she slid to a standing stop. Her chair rolled another four feet beyond her, frightening the busboy.

She flinched the table away from her at the same time. It tipped on its single leg, dumping sundaes and sylphs into Ray's lap.

Annie swam to the surface of the soft-serve, casting about for something above freezing to grab.

Ray reached automatically for anything wiggling and fished Buttercup and Pet out of whipped cream and toppings. They sputtered and spat in his hand while Annie slithered to his shirt and climbed up.

"What the hell?" Buttercup asked when she could speak.

"Oh, god, I'm so sorry," Denise said as she righted the table. Ray put sylphs down on a clean spot as his wife dabbed paper napkins at them. "I thought…I thought my purse was going to eat me."

"I'll be back…in a few," Ray said, aiming for the men's room. To his credit, he kept a straight face until the door shut.

Annie waved her arms to splatter fudge on the table. "Wait, what am I doing?" she asked. She waved off the helpful napkin and started licking her arms. Pet walked over beside her, sucking whipped cream from her hands.

Buttercup shook her head and walked towards Denise, hands up in silent plea. "I'm sorry," Denise repeated.

"U thood be," Annie muttered around a mouthful of fudge. "Buh we fovive u."

"Oh, yah," Pet agreed. She took a bite out of a jimmy. "Todawee foviven."

-------

Two days before the flight home, Ray was playing lifeguard at the sink as the sylphs bathed. Annie raised her hand and he lifted her up out of the water. She looked at herself in the mirror.

"Oh, my god! I need a tan!" she said.

Buttercup was drying herself off a few steps away. "You want to get a Seattle tan before we go back to Florida?"

Pet kicked water off of her feet as Ray lifted her to the counter. "Don't people usually go to Florida for a tan? Can't we wait?"

"No, no," Annie said. "We're going to be naked on the flight. We don't want to look like we've been out of the sun for two weeks!"

"We're going to be on a plane full of Seattle dwellers, Annie," Buttercup pointed out.

"And in the boxes," Pet added. Ray handed her a towel and she smiled up at him for a moment.

"Right," Buttercup nodded. "No one's going to even see us until we get home."

"Well, we're going to get out of the boxes in Chicago." She shook her head. "Whatever. I want a tan."

"In the one remaining day of our trip," Ray said skeptically. He rubbed his chin. "Well, there's a Home Depot down the road. We could get a spray can of varnish…"

Denise unlocked the bathroom door and stepped out. She had dressed for dinner and Ray wasn't allowed to help. He kept confusing dressing and undressing where his wife's clothing was concerned.

"We can get various tanning aids at the drugstore," she pointed out. "If Annie insists on being her usual hot sylph self, we can certainly support it." She pulled some makeup out.

She caught Ray's eye in the mirror. He smiled. She didn't. Her eyes traveled down his form and back up. She didn't actually say, 'are you wearing THAT?' but the message was transmitted. To everyone.

"Told you that you couldn't wear jeans to this place," Annie laughed. He rolled his eyes and went to change.

Buttercup opened the 'for special' box and lifted up her dress.

-----

Dressed to everyone's satisfaction, Ray carried the sylphs out to the car. They used the airline carrier so no one's dress would be pocket-rumpled. Denise ducked back into the room for the directions to the restaurant.

"Okay, guys, please," he said quietly outside the elevator. "Denise wants one night in a fancy restaurant as part of the vacation. Let's make it nice for her. No complaints, no food fights-"

"You started the last one!" Buttercup said.

"This plea is for me, too!" he said.

"Oh."

"Just…just behave. As if Mom was watching."

"Yes, sir," Annie said quietly.

"Ooooh," Pet said. "The big guns."

"Ready?" Denise asked as she caught up.

"Yes," four voices chorused.

-----

The maitre de found their reservation quickly enough. "Foster. Table for five?"

"Table for three," Denise corrected. She gestured to the three sylphs where Ray held them. "Dinner for five."

"Ah." He sniffed. Clearly this was not how things were typically done here. "If madam desires…passion pastry…"

"No, no. These are our friends, we're sharing dinner with them. We have chairs and tables. They'll only take up one place setting, but no one will be crowded that way."

"Mmm-hmm," he murmured. His eyes flickered across the map of tables. "Perhaps… Ah. This will serve one's needs."

The hostess led them to a table near the back. It was near the window and had a nice view of the harbor. At least, those parts of the window that weren't occluded by the restaurant's sign.

Denise glanced at the window, then back at Ray. He shrugged, leaving it up to her. She shook her head and they took their seats.

They quickly detached the seats from the carrier and set up the sylphs' dining area. There were only two menus provided. Ray set his down and waited for Denise to look hers over.

Annie glanced at the list of drinks as she went past. She was headed for the entrees. Buttercup and Pet discussed the collective drink order for a moment.

"Ray?" He looked down at his sylph. "You know what we haven't had in a long time?" He twisted his head to read the menu and smiled.

"Well, since you're standing by the Alaskan King Crab, covering the price with your foot…"

"We can afford it," Denise said.

"But the butter!" Pet complained as the other two walked over. "I don't want to take off my dress to avoid stains!"

"You do all look very pretty," Ray said. He reached out to stroke Annie's hair. "We usually have you undress at the Captain's because it's easier. But if we're very careful, and take our time, it'll probably be okay."

"Yay! How about it, guys? King Crab?"

"May I start you off with an appeti-" The waiter froze as he made eye contact with Buttercup. She raised one eyebrow, then crossed her arms and stared back at him.

"Yes," Denise said. "We'll start with the toasted ravioli."

He shook his head, concentrating on the order. "Yes, ma'am. And for beverages?" There was a small confusion when the two humans ordered three drinks but he finally understood what they wanted.

They went ahead and ordered dinner. He paused to see if they were going to order an entire entrée for the sylphs, then scurried off.

"Nice place," Denise said. Ray agreed, looking around. They both ignored people glancing at their table and whispering. "Thank you," she said.

"I thought you were buying," he said in mock shock.

"For dressing up," Annie translated. Denise gasped.

"She didn't say 'for dressing up, idiot," she explained as everyone turned to her.

"I'm…trying to be nice," Annie said, looking down at her feet.

"Well. Then thank you, Annie." Denise pat the little woman on her shoulder. "At least she can rise above the sarcasm for an evening," she told Ray.

"The night is still young," Buttercup said. She wrapped an arm around Annie's waist. "But I believe in you."

"Aw," Pet cooed, taking both her friends in a hug. Annie told herself that she suffered the attention for Denise's sake.

-------

Ray carefully isolated meat from the crab shell, cutting generous but manageable portions for the sylphs. They stood back from his plate, well clear of any flung shell bits, until he rested the utensils and sat back.

Denise tore up a slice of bread from the basket and dipped the pieces in the butter. When they were liberally soaked, she set them carefully on the sylph's eating trays.

"Oh!" Pet said. "Like little butter sponges!"

"Worth a try," Denise said.

Buttercup used her chopsticks to pick up the bread crumb and baste the butter across her crab. Annie picked up bites of meat and dipped them against the butter. Pet carefully wrung out the bread by squeezing it over her food.

Ray and Denise applauded all their efforts. Pet rose and took a bow.

Near the end of the meal, there was a bit of a fuss two tables over. Apparently someone was trying to order a passion cake. The waiter first, then the hostess and the maitre de were at pains to explain that such vulgar foodtainment was not available at this restaurant.

"But they have sylphs!" the woman said, pointing at the Fosters' table.

"They brought…their own," the hostess said coldly. The voice implied that there was something fundamentally wrong with anyone that owned such creatures.

"She's mean," Pet said softly.

Annie put an arm over her shoulder. "Don't listen to her, Pet. She's just jealous."

"Really?"

"Yes," Buttercup said. Pet trusted her mother and friend and perked up instantly.

Ray kept waiting for Annie to pick a fight with the hostess every time she went past. Fortunately the sylph was trying hard to behave and just snarled quietly.

Denise was so happy that when they got to the room, she managed to hug all four of them at once.

"You were all wonderful," she said. "You dressed for me," she said as she kissed Ray. "You behaved for me," she told Annie with another kiss. "You looked beautiful," and she kissed Buttercup. "And you made me proud with your manners." She kissed Pet's head hard enough to leave lipstick in her hair. "I love you all so much, thank you."

"Hey," Annie complained. "They had the easy part! Looking beautiful? Buttercup's always a graceful stunner. And you've raised Pet to be a perfect lady." She tried to squirm out of the woman's grip as she got another kiss. Lipstick smeared her face.

Buttercup laughed at her discomfort, which drew attention to her. A few minutes later, three crimson women struggled on the sink counter to undress without transferring makeup to their clothes.

Out of sight in the bedroom, Denise was finally allowing Ray to help her with her dress. There were throaty giggles and long silences between the rustle of clothing.

"We may be sleeping here, tonight," Buttercup remarked. The others nodded. Annie regarded the washrag in the holder.

"Eh, I've slept in worse conditions," she said. "Come on, Pet, help me unfold this."

-------

On the last day, Denise treated the girls to a spa visit. They came back relaxed, smooth, toned and in some cases newly pigmented.

Ray was on the bed, reading from a paperback as Denise set the carrier down on the covers. He whistled as Annie stepped out and posed.

"Nice tan, Annie," he said. He rolled over to look the other two closely. "Did you get your nails done, Pet?"

"Yep! They have this girl, she's even shorter than me! She did this aMAZing art on it. I wish you could see it!"

He held out his hand as Denise put the magnifying glass in it. Pet smiled and put her hands on his fingertip. He oohed and ahed appreciatively.

Denise smiled as Pet glowed. When she finally stepped back, he turned to Buttercup. "Nice haircut. Trying something new?"

"I'm amazed you noticed!" she gushed, spinning around for him.

"He was guessing," Annie said. But she smiled as she did. He reached out and put a finger to her belly. Once she was tipped over backwards onto the bed, he tickled her mercilessly. She screamed.

"I'll save you, Annie!" Pet shouted. Ray fended her off with a pinkie, then tickled her as well. Buttercup turned and ran. When he reached out to grab her, Denise went for his armpits.

The five of them bounced across the bed for a while. They eventually coasted to a stop. Ray and Denise arranged the exhausted sylphs on the middle of a pillow, then rested their heads on either end.

"So," Denise asked as her breathing slowed, "what do we do for our last night here?"

"Ice cream," Annie said.

"We can get that in Florida," Ray pointed out.

"Florida," she said, in the tone of one talking to an idiot, "is tomorrow. Not tonight."

"How about if I promise Marble Slab Creamery tomorrow, if we shut up about ice cream tonight?" he suggested.

She stroked her chin as she considered it. A slight glance to the side let her see Pet's enthusiastic nodding. "On the advice of my counselor, we accept this offer." She held out her hand. He poked a finger at her and they shook. "But you had better come across."

"I will."

"None of this, 'it's been such a long day, guys.' No, 'how about tomorrow, I'll let you get two mix-ins,' either."

"I promise."

"Okay." She turned and winked at Pet.

Buttercup raised her hand tentatively. "I, uh…"

Ray and Denise both raised their heads to look at her. She lowered her hand. "What is it, Buttercup?"

"I just…I had an idea for tonight. I saw a flyer. At the spa." She wouldn't look either person in the eye. They glanced at each other. Buttercup loved and was loved in the family. But she still saw herself as an interloper most of the time and didn't make many requests. They had tried to encourage her to at least let her preferences be known

"Well," Denise said, "we're dying to here it."

"It's… Well, there's a comedy club. And there's a sylph. She has a stand-up act. And… Well, I'd like to go."

"Sounds good!" Ray said.

Buttercup looked up. "Really?" He and Denise nodded.

"Where?" Pet asked.

"When?" Denise asked.

"Was there a menu?" Annie asked.

-----

"….So," Teeny Tina went on, "I'm on the Seattle dating scene." She walked back and forth on the stool. The microphone followed her as she moved. A big-screen TV behind and above her displayed a closeup of the sylph.

"Now, when I was on the dating scene [i]before [/i]I shrank, I had some specific standards. A friend of mine said that the best metaphor for my sexual preference was mountain climbing.

"There's that song, the girl sings 'I like 'em big and stupid', you know?" She spread her arms in big arcs. "I liked 'em big and soft. Stupid didn't matter, it's not like I was listening." Annie and Buttercup laughed. Pet looked like she was trying to translate the joke.

Tina started to pace again. "Of course, everyone thinks a lesbian sylph would be happier than a Libra when Mars is in retrograde. The problem is…"

She paused and looked directly at the camera. "I'm claustrophobic."

Pet got that one. Trouble was, she was drinking at the time. Her soda shot across the table and the cuff of Denise's sleeve.

Annie stroked Pet's back supportively, but everyone was staring at Buttercup. The little woman was literally rolling back and forth across a coaster, gasping.

"Something you want to tell us?" Ray whispered.

"Foreplay?" Tina was saying. "For me, the ideal situation is a mesh top for her and climbing boots for me. I just looooooove exploring the hills and valleys of my latest girlfriend. Um… Lilly…Something.

"But all too soon, her and others like her become more demanding. More fixated. More… Well, let me tell you folks. If a lesbian sylph says that her giant lover's become too clingy? She's not saying she walks too close behind her on the stairs. She's saying 'I carry a snorkel at all times.'"

Pet coughed for a bit. "I can't drink until she'd done," she said.

Ray picked her up and set her on his shoulder. She watched him wipe his mouth and push his drink a little bit away. "Me, too."

"So, we're at the loft last week, and we're watching some sitcom on the TV. It's straights, being straight. They're so straight, one of them is pregnant. And there's a line. A character talks about having sex with his pregnant wife. And uses the phrase 'kissed the baby.'

"My roommate…Whatshername… She says 'I have this scathingly brilliant idea,' and reaches for me.

"I start running across the sofa. 'Shove that idea up your ass!' I say. She paused for a second. Then reaches for me again and purrs 'Ooooooh.'"

Buttercup laughed until she nearly passed out. Denise pushed her drink across the table until the glass touched Ray's.

"Wimp," Annie said. "I can understand him…but you?" She settled down on the table and stroked Buttercup's back. "Breathe, girl. Breathe."

After that, the guy trying to milk comedy gold out of an anti-feminism shtick was just background noise.

Buttercup wouldn't explain her powerful reaction to the comic's routine. All she would admit to was that at least one sitter for the young Carla and Denise had experienced an experimental stage.

"Anything you remember?" Annie asked Denise.

"Oooooh," Pet groaned. She covered her eyes with her hands and sank to the table top. "I can't stop imagining you with Mrs. Ferguson."

"Oh, definitely not her," Buttercup replied.

"Not speculating," Denise insisted. She covered her ears with her hands. "Not speculating, not speculating, not… Was it that Howard girl from down the block? She always wore… NO! No, no, no no."

She turned to the stage to concentrate on the comedy. "So I said to her, Baby! I swear! I believe there's nothing wrong with my wife having a girlfriend.

"I mean, I have the truck, you have the car. I have the job, you have the house. I have a girlfriend, it's only fair that you-"

He was booed rather enthusiastically by the audience. His relief was a sylph ventriloquist. They didn't use the TV for him. He had a running gag in that no one in the audience could see his lips move. Ever.

"I think we can go, now," Buttercup said. "I really, really appreciate you guys bringing us here."

"Our pleasure," Ray said, leaning down to gallantly kiss her hand.

"What he said," Denise added. She opened her purse and the sylphs climbed aboard.

--------

The plane finished braking and turned to taxi towards the gate. The flight attendant made the usual admonishments about getting up, but did offer cell phone use.

Ray snapped his fingers and started fishing through his carry-on. The sylphs watched curiously through their window.

"I was wrong," he said, enunciating carefully for the lip readers inside the soundproofed box. He brandished a cell phone. "I did pack your phone, Annie!"

The carrier door burst open in mid-insult. "-cking JERK!" She hopped to his arm and ran down it to his hand. He already had it opened and she stabbed at the keys.

"Hello?"

"RUTH! We're at the airport! I mean, we landed. We're gating toward the head." Ray snorted. "Shuddup, you! I mean, we're nearly at the gate. Should be home in ten minutes!"

"An hour and ten minutes," Ray corrected, loud enough to be heard on the phone.

"Okay," Ruth said. "Seventy minutes! I can't wait to hear about your trip."

"Well, it all started when-"

"In person, Annie. Good Lord, I can wait for an hour to talk to you."

"You can," Annie said, "but why would you want to?" She sat on the table and leaned towards the pickup. "It all started when-"

"Annie," Denise said, "she can't listen on the phone and ask her father for a ride at the same time."

"Goodpoint!" Annie chirped. "Gottagobye!"

"Bye," Ruth laughed.

They made very good time through baggage claim and the parking garage. They were actually home within an hour of landing.

"Great!" Annie cheered from the dashboard. "Ruth won't have to wait very long for us!"

"Annie, we're probably going to beat her there," Ray said.

"You just don't want me disappointed when there's no one there," she said without turning around. He shrugged and turned onto their street.

Annie was looking for Gerald's car. She didn't see it, and her mind slid over everything she wasn't interested in.

"Who is that?" Pet asked.

"I don't recognize the car," Buttercup replied. Annie looked again. A strange, small vehicle was in their driveway.

"Uh oh," Ray muttered.

"What? What's wrong?" Annie asked.

"Second or third hand beater? I fear the worst," he said.

"Uh oh," Denise replied.

"What's wrong!" Annie shouted.

Ray pulled in behind Denise's car, beside the interloper.

Ruth sat behind the wheel, smiling at the Fosters.

"She got her license," Annie said softly.

"She got a car!" Pet cheered.

"And life as we knew it…" Ray started.

"Was well and truly over," Denise finished.



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