PET XLV: Changes Changes Changes

(Chronological index: Pet World Order #5)

Oh, everything was so DIFFERENT after the wedding. There were new rules, old rules went away by votes, there was VOTING! And there was a new Agreement!

Everyone was smiling and happy and relaxed. And even when we fought, we went to be happy because that was part of the agreement no one went to be angry, although Annie pointed out that if there were two people angry and the others didn't care then the don't care could go to bed. But Denise pointed out right back at her that by the time the two angry people worked out the issue it might affect everyone else so they should stay up and make sure the result was how they wished it even if they didn't care.

She allowed as to how our sister, a code word so we wouldn't call each other wives where... judgmental... people might hear, she maybe had a point. So there were some long nights right there at the beginning.

And I got a JOB!

I know that 'morale officer' was kinda made up because I didn't have much to contribute to the family, even though everyone says they depend on me and I did rescue Denise. But I was talking to Amelia and she remembered me on the van talking to Kiku when Amelia was frozen by the racist sounding complaint.

And we got to talking about the refugees and how many they were and how I wished I could adopt or hire or do something for all of them and Amelia asked if I wanted to be their morale officer, too!

I was the first wife to get a job after we wed! I'm sorry! I mean the first sister after we were married. Adopted! After we were adopted! Oh, I'm going to mess this up, I just know it...

So, anyway, I work directly for Amelia. I go through any of the refugees that are still at the center that haven't found a home and moved there or moved out to the sylph residences and I see if they have any questions or any problems.

Most of the time, I didn't know the answers at first but I went and found out and brought back the answers and it's really kind of easy because they all have a lot of the same problems. I just have to keep telling them the right answers. It's tricky, though, sometimes the problem they give you isn't the problem that's bothering them. But I've lived with Annie and she's taught me that the inside voice is more important than the outside voice. I don't know if she meant to teach me that, but that's out things work out.

Then, my more important job is making a sylph out of Denise. We spend lots of time each day working on it. Today was an important one. We went out naked.

Ray and Annie are in Jax, tying up loose ends like the house and payments and something about a tax and breaking some of the news to Ruth, Momma and Poppa and Willy. That's part of the Agreement.

But before we can break any news to Buttercup and Carolyn, Denise has to be able to fly.

So for a week, now, I've been taking her out in the hallways with no clothes on. She made it about four steps the first day. The next day, she got past three other sylphs, but the first guy sent her behind a curtain and she wouldn't come out until I gave her the swimsuit I was carrying.

Then, let's see, she was okay until we ran into a naked guy sylph. Then she freaked one time when she realized everyone in the room was clothed except the two of us.

Today we were going out into the human part of the Center. Or we were supposed to. I got her as far as the door to the lobby, then she got a death grip on this metal sculpture and refused to go on.

I didn't try to pry her loose. She had to do this herself. And I didn't point out that I'd been nude lots of times my whole life. I did say it was too bad that she didn't have more time to get used to this sort of thing. And I hugged her and stroked her back and kissed her cheek.

She was crying, I can't do this, I can't do this. So I said it was okay. Really. Then I cheated. I pointed out that if she could never go out where people could see her, then she could never travel with Ray on a plane and only Annie and I could see Carolyn.

She called me a bitch, but I knew she didn't mean it because she just never could mean it, really, but it didn't matter because she was making her fists and we were going through the door.

The plan was to go out the door, stick to the red lane and make one lap around the outer wall of the gift shop then go through the other door and go back to our apartment.

Anger got her ten steps along the lane, then she started jogging. I jogged to keep up. Then this human said something. The voice came from way up high and around the corner of a display. I knew she was there, an older woman, with a male friend somewhere behind her. Denny should have known she was there, but she was too busy concentrating on being ashamed.

So this woman says, "Oh, look! Aren't they adorable!" but she says it in that way they have of putting a few extra syllables in adorable, and I know they don't mean anything by it, but down on the floor? It sounds a whole lot like some stranger is about to reach down and pick us up to see how adorable we are.

Annie hates that when it happens. I wouldn't mind as much if they were going to give us food, which is what they do at a Foster reunion or used to do, anyway, when we could go and they really did see us as adorable people, so it was okay, but this? Total strangers, out on the town, stopping in to see the cute little little little people?

Denny took off running like a mouse that heard the cat's bell. Then she saw the door. The lane curved around a bay of authentic sylph handicrafts but Denny was aiming to run straight across. I screamed and ran faster. If the tourists weren't familiar with naked sylphs, they might not be used to paying attention to where they stepped.

There was no way I could catch Denise and throw her to the ground for a good long are you trying to kill yourself lecture like I used to get...from her, now that I think about it.

But I could scream. "LOOK OUT!" and "TERRIFIED SYLPH!" and "DON'T STEP ON US!"

Annie would have shouted something about Lady Bits to get people to look, I think. But that might also have spurred someone to reach down and Denny would have gone to pieces right there.

So they stared down as we ran across and pounded on the open-up bar and tumbled across the passageway. Denny lay there, breathing deep and calling me all sorts of names for making her do what she needed to do. I felt like a physical therapist!

She was starting to calm down when she had about four layers of clothes on. I wrapped her in a blanket and let her smell the pillow that Ray had worn next to his chest for a few days. I'd have given her chocolate, but that was more of an Annie stress reliever. Denise was sort of fixated on the big guy. I sighed and sat down next to her. She smiled and put the pillow where we could both crush our faces into it.

The Agreement had taken days and days to thresh out. Every one of us wanted time alone with Ray. But every one of us wanted to be fair to the others. And Ray wanted all three of us all the time.

Denise wasn't sure she could quite bring herself to a threesome or a foursome, not just yet. Not all the way, not past the fourway of fourplay in the shower. But she could deal with a serial foursome. As long as she didn't have to watch.

So, since Ray was intent on traveling around to get taught up on magic, we decided he could take one of us on each trip. We all had jobs here at the Center. Amelia had hired me and then been confronted by a jealous Annie.

Annie should have known better, picking a fight with Amelia is like trying to set a pile of fire extinguishers on fire. It starts out good then there's a FWOOMP and you're the one doused. She ended up with a job offer while she was crying on Amelia's shoulder, apologizing for ever raising her voice.

So after travel details were sorted out, Annie wanted to know if Ray would get jealous of they cheated on him. He stared at her for a while before she brought up the Freebie List.

Seems that some human couples offer each other one guilt-free affair with someone they're not married to. I kinda remembered Chuck teasing Carolyn about some rock star being her second choice, and Carolyn confiding in Carla, Denise and Buttercup that he was her split-second choice and they laughed.

And Ray said that he wouldn't be terribly jealous if they ran into Poul again and she wanted to kiss and hug him for a while. So Annie's freebie is Poul, who we have never seen.

Then she brings up Cruiser and I realize that the Poul thing was a pretext so Annie could get Ray to say it was okay for me to sleep with Cruiser if he ever visited. I wasn't sure how I felt about that. I did like Cruiser and he was very, very sweet in that shoebox, but I was Ray's now, and he was mine.

Well, there was something to say about having the option. I could always decide not to sleep with Cruiser. If it even came up. I mean, ahem. If the subject were to come up.

ANY way, Denise said her freebie had always been Sean Connery and she saw no reason to change it now and Ray and Annie and I all nodded. He's cute. Even Ray thinks he's worth marital disharmony.

Then Ray said he got six freebies since he was married to three wives and Denise said not a chance in fucking hell mister I'll tie your balls in baling wire and he said it was okay, really and Annie said 'aha' and I said 'what?' a lot and it looked like it was going to be another fight except Annie was smiling. And the good kind of smile, not the other one.

Then Ray picked Denise up and kissed her head and said that for her, his two freebies were Annie and Pet. Then he picked Annie up and kissed her stomach and she squealed and he said his freebies with her were Denise and Pet. Then he held those two together and picked me up. I leaned into his lips and kissed the very tip of his tongue and he looked me in the eye and softly said that with me, his two freebies were Deliah and Samantha and I kicked him right in the tooth and he fell back on the bed and the three of us jumped up and down on his chest while he laughed.

So, anyway, after a few hours i got a couple layers of clothing off of her and we went to dinner with Amelia and Sam, like we do a lot when Ray's out of town and they aren't. They're two of the few people that know what happened to Denise and they're a sympathetic giant and a more sympathetic sylph who have shoulders that Denny can cry on especially after they were supportive of the naked dash across the floor.

Denny also seeks out Amelia because some of the other sylphs seem to think that Denny is weak. I mean, she flinches from butterflies and house flies and spiderwebs and various facts of sylph life that others find funny, just because they grew up scavenging in a mall and living under a Sunglass Hut kiosk and have thick skins and thicker skulls and tease Denise as someone they think grew up with a sheltered upbringing in a cage somewhere so they get all huffy and make her cry and that makes me go... What did Annie call it? Nuckin' Futz? And i lectured one of the apes to leave my sister alone (I didn't call her wife! I didn't mess it up! Yay!) or i'd make him regret being a jackass and he asked what are you going to do, cute me to death so i tried to make him eat his own kneecap, to show him, you know, what i'd do and then it was Denise shouting in my ear that he wasn't worth it and he'd apologized and i should let him go because Amelia doesn't like sylph on sylph violence.

So i said we'd better go apologize to Amelia and explain how he'd deserved it and Denny said we should just apologize and he limped away and i thin he was more afraid of Amelia than he was of me. But when i tell the story to Annie i'll make it sound like he was afraid of me and she'll be so proud cause she was the one that taught me how to get a kneecap into a mouth like that.

Tonight Denny was extra upset about the nudity and how she only had a little time until Carla was visiting Carolyn and she and I could go to Arizona and let our family in on the family secret and she just wasn't handling it well and then she started to cry really loud and Samantha asked if i could help her with a refugee problem and Amelia folded her arms around Denise and then i realized that they were going to have a privacy talk thing so i ran and jumped into Sam's hand and we went into the hall.

And Sam asked me about Ray and i said i got a email from Annie about their visit and Mom and Dad were cool with the shrinking thing and the wedding thing once Annie convinced them it wasn't just something Ray made up to hide that Denise had left him and taken me. Oh, and Denise has to call the folks some time soon. And Ruth met Willy and Ray asked Ruth to keep an eye on the weather in case Willy's people needed to come indoors and Annie asked Willy to keep an eye on the house in case Ruth got a little careless about letting boys over.

And Annie mailed one of Ray's woven carriers to Mia and we mailed one out to Buttercup and it was just like the special one Ray brought back for us that had private rooms for all of us and it's not all that soundproof but it is more comfortable than the converted ammo carrier and it's ours, something New for Denise rather than Annie's old one or my old one but new for all three of us AND there's a room for Buttercup in case she lives with us again! And Annie said they'd be back in a couple of days for the 4th of July because that's part of the Agreement, that we're all together again for holidays and birthdays and whenever Ray's about to go blitzo gobangi from missing whichever of us isn't there with him.

And i look up and see that Sam's getting really pale and i tell her it's important to breathe, really, i know because that's what everyone keeps telling me, breathe, girl, remember to breathe and Sam giggled and sat down at her desk and let me down and checked the time and giggled again and turned on the TV and there was ANNIE! Her first job at the center was writing and talking for the new Center-marketed Remote Sylph Units and she was taking several of them through their paces in the big plant arboreum thing and telling people how they could come to the Center, starting the 4th of July Weekend and wander around giant places for one hour to a whole day and i asked how to record it and Sarah said the DVD was already on the desk in Ray's room and the commercials were being test marketed in Seattle and Boston and Jacksonville and i tried to be nonchalant and i asked, calmly, whichJax? WhichJaxwhichJaxwhichJaxwhichJax? and she reminded me to breathe (See? ImPORtant!) and said Annie was probably already telling Ray she was the star and he should treat her accordingly.

Then i thanked her and went to Portion Control to tell Denise. She's a waitress there because it's what Deliah called a trial-by-conflagration, because waitressing for inconsiderate self centered self important lip breathing whiny open mouth chewing ingrates quickly gets you over the fear of the giants because you just come all over with the hatred of the big fuckin assholes, oh, how i hate them so. Sometimes i think Deliah has issues, but i've seen her holding about 60% of her waitstaff on her apron on her lap, comforting the whole lot after an Italian threw a plate of pasta at them calling it low-rent Spaghetti-O's, but without the flavor and Deliah chased him onto the street with a meat cleaver and they thought she'd be arrested but the cop had eaten at portion control and called the Italian all sorts of names that i can't repeat. I would love to, but i wasn't there and Deliah stabbed the cleaver into a cutting board and wiped her face and said a lady doesn't repeat such language now come here, all of you and she knows her staff by name and she wiped each off and said they could have some days off but she wanted them back on the horse by Monday and Denise sat beside me and watched her and said I have an idiot for a husband and that she wanted to be part of that. She meant something administrative and Deliah smirked and threw her to the lions.

So Denise is getting less afraid of the giants for the sake of being afraid of the giants but she still has an issue with naked though i think she isn't jealous of Deliah in any way because after her first night looking up into the slightly open maws of the dining public put her on that 'oh i hate her so' side of Deliah but in a good way.

So i told Denise and she said we would watch the DVD together and it was pretty cool and she was really busy so she had to go back to work. Deliah picked me up and had me taste something out of a great big pot and i said it was really good and she gave me a bunch to take home and put in the fridge and asked me what was bothering Denise because she was out of sorts but doing the work so she didn't send her home and i said i didn't know, maybe it was an open marriage with a husband who was out of town with his first sylph and having to get ready to go naked to visit her giant mother and wait for Carolyn to ask her usual 'what's new?' and jump out of a carrier and say, 'ta da!' or maybe it was the squeak in the ac in our rooms that bothered me because it always sounded like a tiny Edward Scissorhand was trying to pry his way through the air ducts and she said, 'Oh, right' and i asked how she knew about the Edward thing and she rolled her eyes and lifted me and put me all the way into the elevator and said goodnight.

And i went to the refugees and gave Usiku the thermos and they tried it but they said that African tastes weren't American tastes and i said it was okay that they didn't like it so we gave it to one of the little boys because they'll eat just about everything and he did. Then i played some Tuffball with the kids and they liked it and went off to explain the rules to everyone and Usiku tried to arrange a marriage between me and an unattached young man and i thanked her for the offer but reminded her that Ray was pretty territorial about his pets and if the boy didn't want to fight my master in hand-to-hand combat maybe we should let it alone. They nodded and they trust the daylights out of Ray and would never hurt or challenge him they weren't really afraid of a giant stomping the boy's butt because, well, it's Ray. They haven't been afraid of Ray since half an hour after they met him.

Then i went home and i was going to tell Denny that i had a marriage offer but she came in and ran and dropped to her knees and wrapped her arms around my waist. Then she stood up and swung me aorund. I thought that was pretty cool cause she hasn't lifted me up and swung me around since she shank. I kept telling her that she could but she never believed me and i went wheeeeeeeee and she lowered me and told me that i was still her bestest friend in the whole world and i said, like, duh! And them, weird, she burst into tears and i was all, what's wrong and she was all, and i called you a bitch! and crying and i forgave her and she cried even more and that made me cry so i said let's go out and look weak until someone comes along and gets mean then i'll show you how to turn his kneecap into a hockey puck. Then she laughed and laughed and asked how she deserved me and i said she didn't and she looked shocked.

But, like, deserve means that someone's judged her and me and compared worth. And that it would be possible for her to some day not be worthy of me. And that's so silly it needs to wear a silly hat. We're fated to be together, sister, i said and don't you ever think any different. That would be fucking stupid like Ray said. Then she cried some more. I can't wait for Ray to come home and make my sister stable again. Then i remembered that they were coming home and i wanted to play a trick on Annie so i went into her room to look for the cowgirl costume and there was the bandana but no costume and a note from Annie said, 'whatever you were going to do it ain't happening' and i looked under her bed and there were the boots with a sign that said, 'stop don't go any further' so of course after that i had to crawl up and look on top of the ceiling panels and i didn't see it but Annie's sneaky and i found the panel she taped the blouse to, laying it flat so it couldn't be seen. The skirt was the lamp shade for her light and i put everything together on a dummy and stood it just inside her bedroom door, arms wide for a welcoming hug.

Denny watched the whole thing and cheered me on and promised to help protect me from Annie's wrath. Then she went into her bedroom and the cowgirl costume leaned out of the darkness and she screamed and said i would deserve whatever Annie did to me, and stop laughing you'll pee on the carpet and i said it was too late and she started to laugh and it's a lot better than her crying, you know?

After Annie and Ray came home and Annie was screaming at Ray about how he needed to spank his blonde wife Ray said that's right he'd never seen us in the cowgirl costumes and Annie turned to run and Ray grabbed her and said go get it. She screamed and fussed but when i ran past her to get the clothes off the dummy she'd beaten to death she only swore at Ray which meant she wasn't really mad. If she'd begged me not to i might have but Denise and I knew she was just putting up an act.

So Ray stripped her and we dressed her and he told her how beautiful she was and she snarled NEXT! and Ray grabbed me which was silly since if there were two people who were going to put the cowgirl clothes on without force they were both me but he stripped my clothes off and they dressed me and he told me i was beautiful and i said thanks and Annie snarled NEXT again and we got Denise and put her through the same thing. I think he saved her for last because she's still new to the way he teases sylphs and she got a chance to see how it worked. So she was pretty relaxed as he took her clothes off and we dressed her up and then Ray took some pictures.

Dionne stopped by to see how we were and we talked about Jacksonville and Ray's parents are okay with the four-way marriage, and Annie's parents... Well her dad was worried about Annie being marginalized in the relation ship and Ruth said, hello! Let me introduce you to ANNIE, she isn't marginalized unless she's trying to get away with something. Then her mama said she was worried more about the fact that no minister would sanction such a marriage. And Ray said there were two ministes and when he mentioned Amelia then May said oh, that's alright then. She's been reading up on sylphs and sylphs' rights and she's very VERY impressed with Amelia and feels that she wouldn't be party to anything unseemly and Annie asked where was this celebrity worship when Annie wanted to follow KISS on tour?

Her mom said don't be impertinent and Annie said her husband would defend her and Ray said he wasn't getting into a fight with his second mother in law and Annie's dad said oooooooh! And Ray realized what he said and got pale and Annie's mom kissed him on the cheek and said he had nothing to fear from her, as long as she got to call any kids from the marriage 'grandchild.' And Ruth, who is the only one who knows that Denise shrank said that Mother's Day was still going to run him kinda ragged.

Then we all went to dinner and we saw Amelia and Samantha and we talked about flying naked and Dionne said that Ray should just pick Denise up and strip her. And Ray agreed that if he had to on the day they flew and Dionne said no, right here, right now, because that's what society expected of a 'problem' sylph, you take care of it and it's done. And Ray nodded and reached for Denny, who screwed her eyes shut and waited for it and Samantha said, 'Oh, and not erotically.'

Ray said that he couldn't strip his wife without eroticism, certainly not four times in one day, so Annie and I offered to do it. And Amelia pointed out that Ray watching two wives strip a third was going to triple his arousal. And if he's aroused all three of you get aroused. And Annie said not always and Amelia snorted and said we always get aroused when we're together. 'Hell, when you guys order breakfast together _I_ get aroused.'

Then Ray said, 'Really? About that Freebie list...' And Amelia started to cough and squirm and Annie started to laugh, she's HUMAN! Can't pick a fight with her if you use CLUBS but she goes to pieces when you flirt! Sex is her Kryptonite! and we all laughed but Samantha who said that's not what Deliah says...

So the whole time we were in line to board the plane, Denise keeps apologizing for me not being alone with Ray on this trip because it was my turn, but Carla and Carolyn and Buttercup were all together and it only made sense for us to go together. I kept assuring her it was fine and i kept the secret! The one where Raynnie and I decided that the REAL Agreement was that Denise be alone as little as possible so on this trip, she wouldn't be alone in the security line.

She finally stopped yabbering on about apologizing when Ray leaned down to untie his shoes and we realized it was nearly time. I held her close as he put the little airplane carrier down on the far side of the conveyor belt and our ark on the belt and his backpack on the belt and his computer on the belt and his shoes on the belt. We watched it go by and a guy with rubber gloves on took us to the little table and we stepped out and he ran a scanner for our IDs. I had to step away from Denny so the scanner wouldn't get mixed up and had to let go of her hand, so she just stood there, very very very quiet. I waved but she just stared up at the security guard. Then he picked me up and held me under a magnifying glass to see if my face was like the one on file and nodded and put me down. Then he picked Denny up and held her under the glass and she started to kick and fuss and he made a point of checking the date of her registration and muttered something about half-tamed ferals and put her down and wiped his gloves and gave her a paper towel to clean herself off with.

Then he put the carrier down and the door was open and Denny ran in like a mouse and barfed and i shut the door and held her and then Ray identified us as his sylphs and we were through. He took us to the bathroom and there aren't any sinks in the men's room for privacy so we stood on this marble shelf that tilted just a little bit as water hit it and it drained to a trough at the back. Which Ray thought was cool and efficient except the faucets are motion activated. And they're way up high so we can't activate them. And if the water knocks us over and we slide into that trough Ray's going to have a hell of a time getting us out. But he held Denny in one hand and cupped water in the other and lovingly wiped her off and put her in his pocket and just let her drip on his shirt like he didn't care. And he wiped me off and put me with Denny. She hugged and shivered and i moved so that she was up against Ray and between the heat of two bodies which seemed to calm her down. Ray took the seat out of the carrier and washed it off, then went and found a paper towel to dry it off and put it back.

I thought he was going to dry us off, too, but the paper towels were too rough i guess because instead he went and found a place to sit down and took out a cotton handkerchief and just wrapped it around Denise and held her in his fist until it soaked up all the water and she started to pause between breaths. And for the 'never alone' rule she didn't know about he put her in his other pocket while he dried me then we both went into the carrier. Usually we ride in his pocket between flights but Ray thought that Denny might be happier in the soundproofed carrier and i think she was. We strapped in and talked about meaningless stuff which i'm really good at while Ray took a slow walk to our gate and we waited for our flight.

There's a special compartment in the ark for the airplane carrier to go in so we qualify as one carry on bag not two, but all sylphs have to be visible to the crew during boarding so i opened the blinds as this big, deep blue eye gave us the once over and Denny made fists and sat through it then we watched the reeds slide up and it got dark and we were alone. I completely missed the safety lecture and the we're gonna die dance but that was okay because Denny really sucks at her crash over water part. I say she needs more rehersal but Annie says it'll come with time. Ray opened the ark and looked through the skylight every hour or so and we gave him a thumbs up and he went away again until the sylph count for deboarding and we saw that same eye again then we just had to sit through the wait until Ray got the luggage and the rental car and we could start dressing right after he left the airport property.



Denny wondered if we could dress before that because no one ever checks to see that your sylphs are legally naked between the plane and the exit but the fines are pretty hefty if they do and it's not worth it and she pointed out that we're rich and i pointed out that Ray couldn't even pay the fine until after six or seven security guards and TSA guards and maybe a cop picked us up to verify that we're not terrorists and i have no idea if that's true but it made sense to her and she shut up until we were in the car and Ray said we were on the highway.

Ray drove us to Carolyn's home and he'd been doing most of the driving before and Denny and I stood on the dashboard and she thought we were lost. I said i thought we were doing okay and i'd lived out here with Buttercup and Carolyn for a while but Denise said that she was SURE we had turned at the Big Boy restaraunt next to the theatre and Ray said she was thinking about a Kountry Kitchen next to a cineplex. I said i thought he was right and she asked if we could go back and turn at the Big Boy to see if it looked familiar and Ray pulled over and asked Denise do you want to drive.

Well, ever since about the fourth grade, any time anyone's asked Denise if she wanted to teach this lesson she said sure and ran up to grab the chalk chuck so she said YEAH! I think she scared the hell out of Ray when she jumped down to the steering column and stood on the crosspiece of the steering wheel and ran back and forth and we both heard the tires spinning in the gravel. She said 'yeah' again and asked if Ray could please put the car in gear, honey and could you also tap the gas, please, just a little bit, honey and maybe check the mirror to see if the road was clear?

He lies now but he actually did check the rearview mirror before he realized she was teasing him and picked her up for a kiss and a hug and put her down on the dashboard and swore up and down that he knew where we were going and Denise said she was out of sorts from the flight and he promised to sedate her heavily next time and she apologized to both of us and sat down for the rest of the trip. I think things being so big are so different to her view that she's overcompensating.

Anyway we got to Carolyn's and her car was there but that was all because Carla used her rental to take her mom to her mom's doctor because her heart did this kerflump thing and everyone was worried, except Carolyn of course, who pitched a bit of a battle to stay and wait for us to arrive but Carla apparently got her into a headlock and got Buttercup to stay and let us in although as Buttercup told us later if you need to fight an old lady to get her to the hospital she probably doesn't need a hospital and Carolyn said I feel better and I think i'll go for a walk and Carla said you're not fooling anyone and when Buttercup told us the story we all cheered for Monty Python.

But that was later.

Right now Ray knocked on the door and Buttercup was in the slightly open window and asked what the password was and Ray said i bring daughters to mothers open up and Buttercup said Plural? and shoved the key out the window and we went inside. Ray picked Buttercup up on the way in and kissed and hugged her and put her down with the carrier and opened the hatch. I came down and hugged her and she looked around for Denise and said 'Daughters?' and i said she shouldn't tease her son-in-law and she said what and i said dammit because i had this speech. I spent time on the speech to bring her up to speed and assure her i was a wife not a pet with a classy title and i ruined it all.

Ray told her i had a speech all laid out and i'd practiced it and he said it was a very good speech with pauses and sentences and everything and Buttercup said she'd listen to it any time but where were Annie and Denise. I said Annie was a hostess at Portion Control because she could face down an Italian without a meat cleaver and Buttercup turned to Ray and said 'Deliah?' and he nodded and she told me go on. Then Denise stepped onto the ramp and came down it and Buttercup fainted.

So Ray picked us all up and took us to the sink in the kitchen and laid us down and when he went to splash water in Buttercup's face he nearly drowned us he used so much water! And I told him to get a towel and Buttercup saw him rummage in the drawers and she said he obeys you? You are married! and Denise said uh huh and Buttercup said Flibble! and passed out again. Ray got a towel and i put Buttercup's head in my lap and waited patiently. And she woke up slowly and smiled at me and squeezed Denise's hand and asked if this was real and Denise said no, you're hallucinating and my mom said that was alright then because she could deal with the hallucinations better.

She got Ray to take her into another room and we sat on the edge of the sink and listened as she told him exactly why he reminded her of her old husband, my dad that died before i was born and made him promise to take extra special care of Pet and he did and she made him promise to take care of Annie and Denise and he did and she told him she knew he would.

Then they came back in the kitchen and i started to explain about Denny and Buttercup said wait until Caroly got home so we could all hear the story together.

Carla brought Carolyn back a little bit after that. They both kissed Ray and they kissed me and they looked around the room significantly.

And Ray said, 'Kerflump?' and Carolyn looked down at Buttercup and said it HAD been a SECRET and my mom crossed her arms and looked up at Denise's mom with a perfect straight face and said whoops.

Then Carolyn told Ray it was none of his business and he said it was because he had news that her heart might not be able to kerflump around.

Then she said that she'd had a dream that Chuck took her dancing and told her about Denise being a sylph and a co-wife with Annie and Pet, I mean, with me, and that it was all wonderful and she should be happy. Some guy named Walt vouched for Ray's honorable intentions and Annie's good behavior.

Then Carla laughed at the dream, then she saw the look on Ray's face, and then she lifted me up to look at the look on my face and then she gasped.

So I shouted 'come on down!' to the carrier and Denise came out and Carolyn smiled and lifted her carefully and Carla kept gasping and Ray got her a paper sack to hyperventilation into and she calmed down and I realized that my speech was not needed.

That's when Buttercup gave me a hug and Ray lifted both of us up to give us a hug and we watched Denise and her family, well, her part of her family, the part of our family that was mostly hers, she talked and they cried and laughed and looked at Ray critically and whispered.

And Carla realized that I hadn't had my bachelorette party.

I'd been to the one she threw for Denise and kinda remember Annie directing the assembly of Trash Can Punch and the next thing I knew were were laying across the mesh hammock trying not to puke down into the bathtub.

So Carolyn said that she had heard of a place where they had Chippenscales dancers, which are guys that dance and strip. And they have dancers on stage and dancers on tables, with two different scales.

Then Buttercup ran down Ray's leg to jump to the table and said, 'Heard of! The host knows you by name!' and Carla and Denise covered their ears and said 'TMI! TMI!' and Carolyn showed them a ticket in her purse and said one more margarita and she got a free table dance and everyone looked at Ray and said, 'Can we?'

And he smiled and said that I deserved a bachelorette party and he could find something to do until we got back.

Then Carla asked if I could have a Passion Cake.

Ray thought and thought and thought about it. And he said he wouldn't order one for me, and he probably couldn't sit at the table and watch me, but if I came back from my party with icing on my shoulder he'd gladly lick it off of me.

And Denise and I thought that was a very generous thing to say and we jumped onto his chest and ran up to kiss and hug and kiss his face all over while we heard Buttercup tell Carla to get a can of frosting out of the cupboard and put it in the car.



They really did know Carolyn by name, but also Buttercup, so I had to do the 'TMI!' dance for a bit and everyone giggled.

A human wearing a cowboy costume, with just about as much material as my cowgirl costume took us to a table and asked if it was someone's birthday.

They outed me as a bachelorette and the place got a little louder. I got to dance with a guy on the table and one with a guy on the stage. He didn't dance with me, really, not like Ray does, but he put me on a bar stool on the stage and danced next to me.

And everyone cheered me on.

And we got drinks and Carolyn gave me a sip of something with lots of strawberries. And Carla gave me a sip of a Mai Tai, which is evidently Polynesian for 'I can see through time!' And Carolyn gave me a sip of something with lots of strawberries. And Buttercup tried to get me to swim in...something. And Carolyn gave me a sip of something with lots of strawberries.

And I told them about how Ray could be unthinking and Annie was always angry but between them they made Raynnie, a pretty cool person.

And I told them how Denise was much too mature for her age and how I was on an extended childhood and together we made Petise, a pretty cool person.

But when the four of us became RAnnPeNise, which sorta sounded like an Egyptian Goddess, we were coolness personified.

And I told everyone who would listen that Ray was the sweetest and Annie was the strongest and Denise was stablest and I was the cutestest and everyone agreed and then it was time to sit down.

Then Denise put her face on my shoulder and said it was a good speech and she was very proud of me. And she said she realized that I'd never had a honeymoon, either.

So when we got home we couldn't find the frosting in the cab and remembered that it was in the car we'd left downtown. So we had the cab driver take us to a donut shop and bought a chocolate icinged donut and Carla smeared it on me and carried me and Denise in to Ray's and our bedroom.

And Denise hugged Ray. And she said she loved him. And she trusted him. And he had to spend some time licking me clean. Because it was our moneyhoon.

She was going to go sleep in Carolyn's room with Buttercup in the dollhouse in the room that Annie stayed in whenever we stayed over or had a sleepover, partly because she missed Annie and partly as a sign that she had a connection to Annie and because she knew that he missed Annie.

And he kissed her and handed her back to Carla and took me.

And I told him, "I didn't really go on a Passion Cake, Ray! This is just-"

"Carla's still carrying the Dunkin Donuts bag," he said with a smile. And out in the hall Carla shouted DAMMIT! And we smiled together.

"And even if she wasn't, I'd believe you. And I trust you. And I-" and he finally stopped dilly dallying and started to lick me clean.

I lay back on his hand and spread my arms and legs and let him get on with it.

So in the morning, I was laying on the pillow next to Ray's head. I just rested on my side, watching him breathe. I can do this for hours.

He's a solid presence when he sleeps, an island I could swim to and wade onto. I know I could explore him and find a warm spot to shelter in and be safe from anything.

If he's awake, sometimes he teases. It's still safe, but not in the same way.

And right now, he's not only a safe harbor, he's my safe harbor. This morning, he's all mine.

That's not because the door's locked, either. Ray took special care last night. He didn't mention anyone else, or compare me or say 'Annie loves it when' or 'Denise taught me.'

He treated me like I was the only person in the universe he wanted. And he is the only person in the universe I want. Well. Mostly. I mean, I couldn't have a long-term relationship with a ChippenScale dancer.

A week, maybe two. Three months, tops. But even then, I'd be comparing that guy to Ray. My Ray.

Sure, it's our Ray. But I'm coming to see what Ray means about heart. He drew me a chart a while back. A pie chart of his loves. And he played with the spreadsheet. And he showed me that I could have one-third of his available devotion.

Then he doubled the amount of love I got and Annie got and Denise got. I had twice as much love and still only a third of the pie. And I wasn't sure if that was a good thing or a bad thing.

So Ray took me down to the kitchen and got a cream pie from Deliah and a bottle of whipped cream. And he marked the rim for a third of the pie.

And he put a can of cream on top of it, spraying and spattering and chefs and sylphchefs and waiters and waitresses coming around to see the stuff tower up into the air.

Then he pointed at the markings. All that piled up and I still owned a third of it. That I understood. In theory, anyway, I saw that more sweet stuff is a good thing.

And now, laying here, seeing the frosting stretching from his nose to his ears, I try to figure out how much I love him. I know it's more than yesterday. And I check, and loving him more doesn't make me love Denise any less. Not even slightly.

So it's okay. I mean, I said it was okay, before, you know. Because I didn't want to be the selfish one. I couldn't tell Denise that part of Ray wasn't enough. Or make Ray choose between Annie and me.

But now I feel it. Our love doesn't make their love lessen. My husband just loves us more, the more of us there are.

I sighed and crawled over the pillow to hug his cheek.

"Mmmmmm," he said. "Someone's smearing cute all over my cheek."

"It's frosting," I giggled.

"Mmmmm, frosted cute," he said and he woke up and we kissed and he licked me and found frosting and licked me clean again and I wriggled and slid across his face and scraped some dried frosting from his cheek.

I showed him the handful of icing and jumped from the pillow and hid it and he had to search me for it and it took a while because he was very, very diligent.

That, and he started at the top, working his way down. Then we got up and took a shower. And he was soaply diligent, too. And I got to make random audits to make sure he'd rinsed himself. Then we went out and joined everyone for breakfast.

Ray put me down on the table where everyone was moaning about late nights and excessive alcohol and I said I felt fine and Carla muttered about not getting a lot of exercise during the night.

So Ray started to make popovers, very quietly, and asked how many lapdances there were and no one came up with the same number so we discussed that for a while. But Carolyn finally pointed out that it's men that are concerned with how many strippers there were and whose lap they stripped in, for women it was sufficient that there had been stripping in the vicinity.

And Ray said it sounded like a successful bachelorette party for all that it didn't cross any state borders and Carolyn said that was because of the ridiculous price the cabbie was going to charge them for the drive to Mexico and Ray paled and Carolyn said Gotcha and Carla said that was 50 points for her mother, making the man in the house whimper.

After Ray poked holes in the popovers to let the steam escape and we were waiting to pick out our part of the sylphs' one, Carolyn put a gentle hand on Buttercup's shoulder and asked if she wanted to go with us when we left.

Buttercup grabbed Carolyn's fingertip and hugged it and kissed it and said that was a lovely offer but she didn't want to leave Carolyn alone and besides she'd be the only sylph in the carrier that wasn't sleeping with her son-in-law.



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