Annie LXXIII: Proper

Dear Ray,

How are you? I am not here. As the wedding approaches, I realize that you need Denise more than you need me. I love you but I cannot stand that woman or her sylph.

I know you'll be happy together. But I have standards. I'm running away to join the professional pretzel circuit. The Mom says I can stay with her until I can get enough money together to buy my first pretzel.

After that, I'll be busy establishing my rep. But I'll come by and see you, sometime. Maybe. If we keep in touch, you know.

Love and tiny kisses.

Annie.

Ray was putting the letter and his magnifying glass down as Denise walked in. She lowered her overnight bag to the counter and they kissed.

"What's that?" she asked a few minutes later.

"That? My mom kidnapped Annie without telling me." Her eyes widened. "What?"

"My mom kidnapped Pet," she said.

"What dark devilment threatens fair Gotham now?" he asked softly.

"Stay tuned," she suggested.

"I'd rather go to the batcave," he said.

"You always want to go to the batcave," she said. He nodded and hoisted her over his shoulder.

She squealed and kicked as he carried her off, but an objective observer wouldn't really call it resistance.

---------

An hour to the south, Buttercup and Carolyn had to agree that the Spanish Kitchen was worth a visit.

Gwen nodded at the admission. Annie pumped her fist. Pet just smiled at her friend's reaction.

"So," Pet asked. "What else do we do on 'fiances have privacy getaway?'"

"Oh, Pet," Annie said.

"What?"

"This isn't about our owners."

"It's not?"

"It wouldn't take THREE moms to get two sylphs out from underfoot." She turned up to look at Ray's mom. "Isn't that right, Mom?"

"It's more of an intervention," Gwen admitted.

"Carolyn?" Pet asked. "Buttercup?"

"Don't worry, Pet," Buttercup said. "This will be a FUN intervention."

"It already is," Carolyn said, wiping hot sauce from her lips.

"Okay," Gwen said. "You two are going to be best man and best woman at the wedding, right?" They nodded, moving a little bit closer to each other.

"So you'll both be standing up front during the ceremony." They nodded again. "And what will you be wearing?"

"Ah," Annie said. "The guillotine drops."

An initial survey of the options for sylph wedding clothing had been disappointing. If Annie was going to fit in on Ray's side, she could wear a dress in the same colors as his tux or she could go with sylph-standard nudity.

The only tux they'd found was made out of spun sugar. It was designed to be licked off of the sylph wearing it. And no one really wanted a Passion Wedding Cake.

Ray had remembered a t-shirt he'd owned. It was colored to look like a tuxedo, complete with tie and cummerbunds.

He'd suggested matching t-shirts like that for the sylphs in the party.

"What's that mean?" Pet asked.

"It means Mom doesn't want to see us in t-shirts at the altar," Annie explained.

"Do you want to be in something so...?" Gwen couldn't choose the word. Annie suspected that 'vulgar' was in the top ten, along with 'crass' and 'asinine.' Maybe juvenile...

"Ray wants me to be in the ceremony. An active participant, just like a real person. And not naked. He doesn't want me to wait in the car or on your lap until the reception. And he has promised not to try to make it a Passion Wedding Cake." She stepped over to lay a hand on The Mom's wrist.

"Trust me, Gwen. There are ways My Master can offend and belittle me. But this is not it. He does me great honor."

She turned to face the other women. "I do appreciate this, though."

"What," Buttercup asked, "do you think 'this' is, Annie?"

"You're going to talk Pet and me into putting our foot down, refusing to go along with it, demanding real dresses. And you promise to stand up for us, until Ray and Denise see sanity. Your sanity.

"And then we spend the three day weekend going from store to store to find something appropriate for the two of us."

The three older women exchanged looks. Pet reached out and Annie took her hand. Buttercup was the first to shrug. The other two nodded.

"I guess," Carolyn said, "we could have done that."

"Wait, what?" Annie asked.

"We could have," Gwen agreed.

"Still can," Buttercup said.

"What was YOUR plan?" Pet asked.

"Well," Gwen said slowly. "There's this dress shop down the road. Behind the silversmith. We have an appointment for a fitting."

"Fitting," Annie repeated. "That's final touches of something already put together."

"They make formal doll clothes?" Pet asked with a small smile.

"No," Carolyn said. "They usually only do human bride dresses. We called to see if they could refer us to some place that did similar for sylphs."

"They got so excited," Gwen said. "They love the idea of sylphs in the party and they want to help."

"I'm going to get a real tuxedo?" Pet asked.

"_I_ get the tuxedo!" Annie snarled. "That's MY man I'm besting!"

Pet stepped away from the growling sylph and shut down like her power cord was pulled. Annie bit her lip. In a calmer voice she said, "You, sister, are going to get a real dress." She stepped closer and took Pet's hands again. "And you're going to look SO beautiful."

"You think?"

"I know. Now, come on, let's go let these three busybodies push us around and play dress up and make us walk in front of mirrors until we begin to hate how we look."

"Okay."

Part of the reason for the dress-makers' excitement became apparent soon after they arrived.

Gwen put the carrier down on a table. Carolyn made introductions as they stepped out.

They were greeted by Amy, Cheryl and Dot.

Dot was a sylph. She had a pin in her lips as she over to greet them. Pet skipped backwards to avoid the hug.

"Oh....fis fing," Dot sort of said. She reached up to take the pin in two hands and lower it. She held it as a scepter and offered another hug.

"I'll be brave!" Buttercup said. She hugged the little woman. Annie shook her head when offered.

"Not that I don't trust you with that rapier, there.... I'm just not a hugger."

"What?" Pet asked, scandalized.

"That's okay," Dot said happily. "You don't know me yet. But I'm your tailor. We'll get to know each other."

She waved towards a cardboard box on the end of the table. "C'mere. Got something to show you."

The sylphs followed her across the table. Buttercup took the others by the hand as they got close to the box.

The four humans grouped around that end of the table, smiles of anticipation on every face.

When they were arranged to Dot's satisfaction, Amy yanked the box up and away.

Annie leaned forward and Pet squealed. The Mom's gasped.

Then they focused. "Well? Well?" Dot asked.

"Um..." Annie let go of Buttercup and took another step forward. Two pet-shop special overalls were set up on little stands.

There were decorative elements added. Someone had taken in the waists, hemmed the sleeves, sewn details on them.

One was black with a cummerbund sewn on. Little white panel accents resembled the white shirt worn under a tux. And a red figure 8 was placed for a bow tie.

The other one was red and had a pleated circle of white pretending to be a skirt at the waist. Flower accents were added at shoulder, hip, thigh...kind of like chakra points, but kind of not.

Annie glanced back. Even Pet looked disappointed and that took some doing.

"It's, uh, it's not..." Carolyn started.

"What we, well, were hoping for," Gwen finished.

Dot looked crushed. "It's not? You're sure? Cause, we looked everywhere for sylph clothes. The man at CVS told us-"

"A pharmacy?" Buttercup asked. "You got these at a pharmacy?"

"Well, it was handy," Amy said.

"Um... They're... Unique," Pet said supportively.

"Wait," Annie said suddenly. "You guys OWN a sylph with, I would assume, needle and thread skills? And this....?"

"Kind of a joke," Dot said with a mischievous grin. "We were thinking, if this goes well, this could be part of an ad. A before/after or either/or thing."

"So the real clothes?" Gwen growled.

Amy and Cheryl each grabbed one of the suits and yanked. They parted easily and revealed....

"Oh, my," Pet and Gwen said at the same time.

"Yowza," Annie muttered.

They all drew closer.

Annie reached the tuxedo and gently touched it. "This needs a fitting? It's...perfect." Gwen leaned over her touched a fingertip to the shoulder.

"Wow. I can feel the crease," she said.

"If I had a beard," Annie replied, "I could shave with that crease."

It was the exact color of the swatch she'd held in the tuxedo rental. But the tailoring was sharper than the floor demo Ray picked. The cummerbund had more rills and the lapels lightly outlined in red.

A red silk sash over the chest... "Makes me look like an extra in a Bond movie casino scene," she said.

"That's for you to carry the ring with," Dot said. "It's hooked to the shoulder in two places. You unhook the front, swing out the ring and give it to him. To give to her."

Dot was bouncing on the balls of her feet in excitement. She really liked her work.

"How's yours, Pet?" Annie called. Dot scurried over.

Carla and the other bridesmaids had invited the sylphs to their fitting. Annie was not surprised to find that 'Denny' had picked Pet's favorite color of Lavender for the dresses.

The young sylph had nearly swooned at the sight. Now she was standing and staring at a scaled model of those dresses.

There were differences, though. The human dresses each had a flower on one shoulder, a fluffy bracht of lavender lying like an epaulet.

Here, Pet's had the lavender bracht, and something like a chrysanthemum over her breast with lilacs around the hem. A light green vine twisted around to hold all the flowers.

Annie took a step closer to find that a stretch of the vine detached. "For the ring she'll carry?" she asked Dot.

"Uh huh," she replied, but her eyes were on the customer. "Do, uh, do you like it, Miss Pet?"

Pet was still staring. Annie and Buttercup shared a glance. Buttercup hugged her daughter from behind. "Do you like it?"

"I love it, but.... Um...." The sylph hesitated. Overhead, two of the humans gasped. Annie wasn't sure if it was moms or dressmakers that did.

"I worry," she said a bit louder than necessary. Everyone spun to face her. Except Pet. Buttercup nodded to Annie as that sylph backed away from Pet and the dress.

The two were effectively alone for a moment as everyone concentrated on the brunette.

"Well, it's just... It's Denise and Whatshisname's special day, you know? And here I am, getting a much better tux than he has.

"And Pet...she's getting a dress way, way better than the other maids are getting. I worry that it'll look like we're trying to upstage the happy couple, you know?"

"Um..." Amy started to reply.

"Now, don't get me wrong!" Annie continued. She glanced to see Buttercup whispering in her daughter's ear. And a bright smile starting to peek out of Pet's face. "I'm not sure I shouldn't outshine my revered Master. He doesn't do well in direct sunlight or public viewing. It may be a favor."

"You're six inches tall, dear," Cheryl pointed out. "If you dressed exactly like 'Master,' no one would see any details. You'd effectively be UNDER dressed."

"Oh... Yeah, I guess," she said, trying to sound thoughtful.

Pet was looking happy and started to ask questions about the dress. Dot and everyone's attention swung back to her.

Annie slid to the side where the older sylph stood. "What was wrong?" she asked very softly.

"She didn't want to look like Carla, she wanted to look like Denny," Buttercup explained just as softly. "I borrowed that 'her special day' idea of yours. Now she's happy because by not wearing a wedding dress, she's helping make Denny look and feel special."

"Well, it's all our special day," Annie said. "But only some of us are going to get our pictures in the paper."

---------

Annie sat in Buttercup's carrier as Gwen's car stormed up the freeway. She rocked back and forth easily as The Mom's driving made the box slide back and forth on the back seat.

Pet, overcome by her very first taste of champagne, slept on the tiny couch, her head cradled in Annie's lap. She snored lightly and drooled a bit.

Annie stroked her hair and smiled down on her future roommate.

"You two get along well together," Buttercup said.

"Pet's cool," Annie replied.

"How are you and Denise getting along?"

"Ah, that is the question, isn't it?" Annie looked up and across the box. "We're off to a good start. She's sylph trained and sylph-centered. I think she wuvs Pet almost as much as Ray wuvs me."

"Almost?" Buttercup asked with a smile.

"Well, you have to remember, I've had Ray for longer than Pet's had Denise."

"You mean the other..." Buttercup stopped and regarded the younger sylph. "No, I guess you don't mean it the other way, do you?"

Annie smiled. Then she sighed. "I don't know. Ray's going to go from having one beautiful woman in residence to living with three beautiful women. He'll either make us all happy or he'll play favorites."

She looked back down at the face in her lap. The young, beautiful face. On the hot, taut body.

Sure, Pet belonged to Denise right now. Ray treated that as a sacrosanct boundary. But when their worldly goods were joined in matrimony, Ray would have some degree of ownership of the blonde.

Master might start to think of himself ...as Pet's Master.

Things could get dicey. She thought about the people in the car with her, of both scales. She was going to be the only one in the house that couldn't run home to mom if things went south.

Well, she thought to herself. She'd just have to make sure she was the one with the compass.

-------

They stopped at Mom's to call ahead. They wanted to ransom the sylphs over dinner. They figured that would work better than knocking on the door unannounced.

Ray said that sounded like fun but picked a place halfway across town.

Gwen shrugged and hung up. "Annie? Any particular reason Ray would want to eat at the Landing?"

"Hooters?" Annie asked. Sylphs were a guaranteed waitress magnet at that chain, but she couldn't imagine him taking fiancé and both moms there. Not as the only male in the party.

"No, the burger joint." Annie shook her head. "Does he go there a lot for lunch?"

"He seldom leaves the office, far as I know."

They discussed the mystery until it was time to go.

---------

"Saint Augustine!?!" Ray hissed. "You took ANNIE to Saint Augustine?"

"What's wrong?" Denise asked. Ray gestured for a momentary wait.

"Mom, did Annie beg you to buy her something? Did you buy her Gummi Bears?"

"No," Gwen said. "Of course not!"

"A gummy alligator?"

"Heavens, no."

"The gummy flamingo?"

"You made your opinion on that QUITE clear, young man."

He stared at her for a moment, rubbing his chin. Annie looked down at the table. "Gummy octopus?"

"Never, those things are worse than a candy tarantula."

"Did you buy her a gummy tarantula?"

"No comment," she said primly.

"Aw, crap," he muttered.

Annie turned to Pet. "Tell Denise about the salsa you tried, Pet."

"Oh, Denny! I tried some salsa!"

"Where?"

"At the...haw baw nare..."

"Habanero," Annie whispered. She glanced up to see Ray staring down at her.

"You tried habanero salsa?" Denise said in shock.

"No! It was at the habanero STORE. But this stuff has beans and corn and tomato and beans and-"

"You said beans."

"There's two kinds of beans!"

"Ah. That would explain it."

--------------

After dinner, Ray drove the family over to where he worked. He had a surprise that some of his coworkers had set up.

Once everyone was signed in, and the security guard whistled at the biggest group of beautiful sylphs she'd ever frisked for contraband, they followed him to a conference room.

He left them there and came back with a toy tank. Gray, with six wheels, sloping sides and slitted windows, it hulked over the end of the table.

"What's that?" Annie asked.

"It looks like..." Gwen said. "Oh, what was that tank thing you wanted us to get you? The toy truck that you programmed and it drove itself?"

"The BigTrak," Ray said. He put the thing on the table. "Chipper had one." He faced his guests. "You'd put in commands like go four truck lengths forward, turn 30 degrees right, ten forward, left 90, seven forward and then-"

"We get the idea, darling," Denise said.

"Oh, god, that would have been the end of poor Annie," Annie said with a shake of her head. "You in the chair, ordering me to punch in the commands and watch it scurry... What are we doing here?"

"Well, someone gets to drive this in the wedding ceremony."

"We're going to have toy cars in the ceremony?" Carolyn asked.

"Just for the initial parade in," Ray said. "Chipper's going to paint it in the wedding colors and wire it for someone to actually drive instead of push buttons..."

"Pet can drive it," Annie said.

"Really?" Pet asked her.

"Sure. I'll stand there looking pretty and you-"

"I was thinking," Ray said. "Annie would drive."

"Oh," Pet said.

"It's just because she has actually driven before, Pet," he explained. "And, well, because someone needs to shoot the rose petal cannon." He lifted his hand from behind his back and placed a fat barreled gun turret on the back of the truck.

Small spade grips on either side were already painted lavender. Denise lifted the sylphs to the back. Annie helped Pet figure out the ordnance. A puff of paper confetti littered the conference table.

"Now, imagine that as Rose Petals," he said.

"Oh, RAY!" Pet said in breathy tones. She turned to the Mom's. "Can we have this in the ceremony? Can we? Can we please? It's not too vulgar, is it?"

"Vulgar?" Ray asked. "Why is she worried about vulgar?"

"Because she's met you," Annie said.

"It's not vulgar, Pet," Denise said. "Or, maybe, depending on the paint job."

"I think it's an excellent way to bring the sylphs into the ceremony, Ray," Carolyn said.

"I like the flower gun," Gwen added. Pet turned to Buttercup for her blessing.

"Oh, very well," her mom said. "But only because we can use your smile if the lights fail and-" Pet squealed and jumped into her arms.

------------

A couple of hours later, the house was empty. Except for Ray and Annie. She stood on the end of the kitchen table and watched him search the house.

"The question," he was saying, "is whether or not you've cut it up, yet."

"You're not going to find the tarantula," Annie said. Not since Mom had hidden the octopus behind his alarm clock. Annie would be dragging it over the device in the night, so when he reached for the snooze alarm...

"I know," he said, letting the sofa's skirt drop and rising to his knees. "But you'd feel unappreciated if I didn't try."

"Awwww," she said. He rose to his feet and walked towards her. She raised her arms as he reached down. "You are so solicitous of my happiness," she said.

"Yes?" he asked.

"What?"

"There's a tone." He grabbed a soda and took it to the sofa.

"There's no tone," she protested. He sat and carefully spilled a bit of Coke over the lip of the opening. She stood on tiptoe to take a sip as he held it. "No tone."

"Okay," he said. He leaned back in the chair and closed his eyes. "You'r wondering why you don't get to fire the cannon."

It wasn't a question. And Annie didn't deny it.

"Violence, even floral, simulated violence, seems much more reasonable to give to me in the division of labor," she admitted.

"I don't want to embarrass Pet in the middle of the wedding." He tipped the can without looking and let her take another sip. His lips still hadn't touched the can.

"How? You think she can't drive up a straight line?"

"I think," he said, "she'll be waving at people and trying to see where you're shooting the rose petals and looking to see if Carla's following and then to see if she can see Denise and overcorrecting when she does look forward, if she looks forward to find-"

"You're starting to talk like Pet, Master." She took a last sip an slapped the side of the can. He started drinking.

"Anyway, there's a chance she'll drive off course and get embarrassed. That's not a day for embarrassing anyone. Even you, Annie."

"Thanks ever so much for your indulgence," she said. "And, you...may... Um, be...."

"Right?"

"I'd say not totally wrong." She jumped to his shirt and climbed up to his shoulder. There she leaned on his throat and felt his blood pulse. "I will consider it a manner of honor not to embarrass you by driving over The Mom's foot on the way up the aisle."

He grunted his appreciation. They sat silently for a while. "But you know what?" he asked.

"What?"

"We'll take the Bigtrak to the reception. She can drive there, and I'll have a few loads of confetti rounds for the gun."

"Now you're talking," she said. She leaned over to kiss his neck. "Annie gets to shoot with gay abandon. Film at eleven."

"Hey, if you're driving, I don't have to dance with you," he said.

"Master? Some free advice? Dance with every woman at the wedding that will speak to you. Including Pet, Buttercup, Carolyn, The Mom..."

"Will you remind me to dance with Denise?" he asked.

She shrugged. "If you forget to dance with your bride, you deserve what you get. I'm just protecting your reputation amongst the guests."

"Thanks," he said softly. She took a few steps back so he could turn his head. She leaned onto his lips and they kissed, slow and gentle.

"Annie?" he asked, soft as a zephyr.

"Yes?" she replied breathily.

"What did they get you this weekend?"

"Oh, I'd tell you, Ray, but it's not just my secret." She kissed his chin. "You'll love it. Just wait."

"Okay," he said. He settled back in his seat. The night got darker outside. She looked up at his relaxed profile.

He trusted her statement about the secret Three Moms Conspiracy.

He trusted her.

She wasn't totally sure what the future held, but she was pretty confident about their past. She gave him another peck on the chin.

She was so happy she thought she might not drag the gummy octopus out from under the Marlins ball cap.

Of course... he was expecting it, and she didn't want to disappoint him.

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