Annie LXXXI: Talking Raven

(Chronological index: Ray College Freshman) "Sorry," Ray said once more. "Don't worry about it," Annie said. She swung back and forth in her cage. The bar holding the swing creaked gently. "Well, I know you had fun at the events," he said. She shrugged and pumped her feet. Thomas entered the dorm room. After about ten seconds surveying his roommate and the sylph, he snorted and sat down facing them. "Who died?" "Garthillian," Ray said. Thomas made a beckoning gesture. "My druid persona at the SCA." "Someone killed him in a joust?" "No, we don't do that." Ray noticed Annie raising a hand. "What?" "Well, since you quit, it's 'we didn't do that' or 'they don't do that.' Either way." "Thanks," he said. "All part of the service," she assured him. "So did your character die-" "Persona," Ray said. "D&D has characters. For the SCA you adopt a persona. A figure you breathe life into to interact with those around you." "Big diff," Thomas replied with a snort. "It was," Ray said with a nod. "A lot of people lump SCA and D&D in together. The old Baron was a gamer. He just made sure people didn't start to confuse the two." "There's a new Baron?" "Yeah. He really hates being compared to table top role playing gamers. So he's very..." "Jealous," Annie suggested. "Jealous of your every reference. Jumps on anyone that's confusing the two. You can't even talk about games when you're in costume." "And Thor forbid," Annie said, "someone drops a platter of food at the Feast and someone shouts that they fumbled their dexterity roll." "Did you do that?" Thomas asked. Ray shook his head. "No, but after that guy got dressed down for the comment, I realized I wasn't having fun. Not if I have to watch my every word. Can't talk about things that interest me unless they interest the Royals or the butt snorkels that want to be royals... So I quit." "We quit," Annie said. Ray nodded to acknowledge her. "Aw, that's too bad," Thomas said. "I liked watching Annie do her Raven bit." Annie smiled and dropped to the bottom of her cage. "I can still do the Raven bit." She donned the headpiece. "Like, caw, dude." "Duuuuude," Thomas said. He put his hand by the bars. Annie reached out for a high five. Ray smiled at the sight. "But without the whole 'I be an Ovate, an Druide with powers rare,' then she's just a bird. Not much of a schtick." "We just have to find a new one, Master!" She turned to move towards the door. Her beak had pushed through the bars when she slapped the giant hand. Now it was stuck. The little sylph took half a step forward then yanked herself horizontal, falling to the cage floor in a clear but tiny slap. Ray was already reaching in to pick her up as she started to wail. He comforted her against his chest. "Well," Thomas said, "There's always slapstick." Both men tried to hide smiles. ------ Ray sat in the lounge. Annie stood on the table in her Raven costume. Ray held a marionette cross over her, strings running down to her arms, legs, head and tail. She cawed or cackled, he cleared his throat, then she cawed or cackled some more. A girl Ray recognized from a networks class sat near. "What's she supposed to be?" "Practicing ventriloquism with my Raven puppet," he said. "Awk!" Annie called. "Getting better." "I saw your lips move," the girl said with a smile. Ray smiled back. "Like I said, it'll take practice." "Rawk! Stop flirting with the audience. Erwk!" "I'm not flirting," he told his bird. "Yes, you were," Annie insisted. "Yeah, and it was working," the girl said. "See?" Annie crowed. "Rawk! Never dismiss your familiar." "Yeah, yeah, yeah. Um. I'm Ray, this is Annie." "I'm Cecelia." "Hi Cecilia." "Hi Ray. Hi Annie." "Raw- Hack!" In a gravelly voice the sylph greeted Cecilia and requested water. Ray dipped some into her cup. She drank. Then she tucked her arms back into the costume and hopped around a bit. "Pretty lady, pretty lady. Wawk. Lovely couple." "She's sweet," Cecilia said with a laugh. "She is, isn't she?" Ray remarked suspiciously. Annie stood up straight and dropped the cawing. "I'm supposed to be your puppet. I'm supposed to be saying what YOU would say, if you could puppet worth a damn. Right?" She shook her head. "At least I can stay in character." She bent back down and hopped. "Rawk. Not gonna get laid forgetting your lines." Ray blushed but Cecelia laughed. ----- Annie spent little time getting dressed for the dinner date. She had a new-fangled sylph reader, a paper scroll in a reel-to-reel arrangement. Every so often she looked up as she cranked to the new paragraph. "You're wearing jeans?" "It's informal," he protested. "She said informal. Girl informal. Meaning she's still working hard to make a first impression." "We've had first impressions! We met!" "You met," she agreed, shaking her head. "But this is the first time you dressed with, supposedly, her in mind. She's dressing with you in mind." He stared. "Okay, think of it this way. Tonight, your dress and your manners indicate positive or negative feedback on the impression you gained from seeing her this afternoon. "You get a non-verbal gauge of her impression of YOU by how much effort she puts into dressing for you." He still stared down at the sylph. "Oh, god, just kick it up a notch, okay? As a favor to her if nothing else." She sighed as he pawed through his closet. "I swear," she muttered. "I've almost given up hope on this one." ------- "So," he asked, "what's the point system?" Annie turned from reading the menu taped to the window. "The what now?" "The feedback?" She blinked. "You said her looks would show me what I needed to know." "Yeah.....?" "So how do we figure it out?" he asked. We? she thought. "I was thinking something like one point for every inch between the ground and the hem of her skirt. Two for each inch of cleavage. I need your help estimating the makeup. Figure a point for every dollar's worth she put on." "I really should let you keep talking," she said. "Just to see the look on your face when she hears you." He took the clue and turned around to see Cecilia crossing the street. He spun slowly, his pet held chest level in his hand. Annie had thought the woman cute enough in the lounge. Jeans and a Zenyattà Mondatta tour T-shirt, blonde hair in a thick braid, topsiders. Now the hair was down, endless shiny waves dangling lower than her shoulder blades. A turquoise top that looked suspiciously like lingerie barely concealed some pear shaped breasts. And her white shorts left a tiny, and tantalizing, if Annie was any judge, strip of tanned flesh between the belt line and the bottom of the top. And the only way to show more of her legs would require transparent panels in the shorts. "I think we grade that at 99.993 percent," she said. "Shut your mouth before I drown." She hadn't looked up. She felt a small thrill of victory when she heard his mouth slap shut anyway. She turned and jumped to his upper sleeve and climbed to his shoulder. He'd want his hands free if there was any touching in the near future. "Hey, you," she said with a smile that was probably visible from Skylab. "You," Annie laughed. "She's forgotten your name already." "It's okay," Ray rushed to defend her. Cecelia's smile got even brighter. "I do remember your name, Ray," she said. "No matter what your beautiful little friend thinks." Excellent, Annie thought. Remembers his name, not jealous of me, smiles at Ray like she knows his actual worth... Master may get lucky before the millennium. Outwardly, she snarled. "Don't be jealous," Ray cautioned her. She sorted through a few remarks and finally decided on obedience. "Yes, revered Master," she said with a bow. There was a brief flash of...something on Cecelia's face. Annie's internal radar started to ping. But it was over too quickly to identify. "Shall we go inside?" Ray asked. He held the door for Cecelia. She smiled and went through. After the vegan poetry reading, Ray had devised some dating protocols. Too cowardly (Annie's word) to ask a straight question, he just made sure the first date was to a place he could order a hamburger. Cecelia neither recoiled at the word nor lectured about the gentle and pure hearts of our bovine brethren. He also calculatingly ordered a beer to watch her reaction. His date saw that they sold Dos Equis and talked him into joining her in that. Annie sat on his shoulder and wondered how he'd manage to vote Democrat from the table. She slid down his arm and hopped to the table. As she was approaching his beer, his hand descended like a barricade. "No. Too early in the evening." "Can you believe this?" Annie protested, turning to Ray's date. That look was there again. Anger. What the hell? And gone once more... "Why can't she have some beer?" Cecelia asked. But she smiled as she made eye contact with Ray. "Oh, she's a mean drunk," Ray said. That wasn't exactly true. Annie was a candid drunk. A little more candid than sober. Dad said that in the sylph's case, 'in vino veritas' should be 'in vino volume.' But that wasn't the problem. Beer went right through little sylph systems. She'd need a trip to the little sylph's room before long. And that got awkward. Either the dates were scandalized that he took her into the men's room, or offended if he wouldn't let them take her to the ladies' room. But if he didn't know the girl very well, he'd never trust them out of sight with his favorite sylph. She had only been jokingly protesting. And Ray was too polite to say 'because she'll wee.' Now she watched with growing unease as Cecelia defended her from something she actually understood and agreed with. "What? Mean? She'll, like, take a swing at you? And you're afraid of that?" "No, it's just-" "It's just that you want to control her, isn't it?" "I have no control over Annie," he laughed. She took it as an affront. "Don't belittle me," Cecelia hissed. "I'm not!" Ray promised. But he couldn't help adding, "She's been littled enough." Cecelia screamed and slapped the table. Diners turned to glare at them. Ray blushed. Annie started to sidle over to Ray's elbow. "You men!" the blonde hissed. "You're all ALIKE! Shut up, honey this is men talk. Shut up, bitch, you don't know what you're talking about. Don't drink while you're on the medication, dear, you'll pass out." "And did you?" Ray asked, fascinated. "Did I what?" she blinked, tantrum suspended. "Did you pass out?" "That's not the POINT!" She slapped the table once more. A woman who looked suspiciously managerial started towards them. Ray tossed cash on the table and swept Annie up into his hand. "Let's go outside and talk about it, okay?" "Are you ordering me?" she hissed through clenched teeth. "Noooooooooo," he said. "Just a suggestion. She's about to make it an order." He nodded towards the manager. Cecelia looked up, hissed and walked out. "Letter go!" Annie advised. She probably should have waited until the nutball was out of sight or while she was staring at them, fire dancing crazily in her eyes. But no, she spoke when rational advice competed with the view of that woman's heart-shaped ass. That moving ass. Moving away. Ray was drawn in its wake, moving to catch up. They sat on a bench in a park near the restaurant. Annie stayed on the side of Ray farthest from Loony MacKnucklebrain. "It's just...watching you order her around! I see the misogyny you don't even notice." "I think you're judging our relationship too harshly," Ray said. "And far too soon in the acquisition of data." "Huh?" "English, Master," Annie suggested. She stage-whispered into the shell of his ear. "You just met us." "You just met us," he repeated. "And you force her to call you Master," she fired back. "I know enough." "Do you know she's being sarcastic when she says that?" he asked. "And he lets me be sarcastic?" Annie added. She reached down to grab Ray's collar and leaned out to look around his head. Loony was looking thoughtful. "You're just saying that so he won't punish you," Cecelia accused them both. "No," Annie replied. Ray started to turn so Annie and Cecelia could see each other more clearly. The girl blinked, then rose up off the bench like a runner coming out of the starter's crouch. She grabbed Annie, snatching her off Ray's shoulder and slapped his head with her other hand. Then they were off. Annie was helpless in the tight grip, dizzy as she watched the grass and trees and students fly past. She fought nausea, then realized it might be useful. She couldn't breathe but she found she could swallow air... "Don't worry little sylph," Cecelia said. "I'll take you some place you can be honored, your free will indulged." "Ray's room?" she gasped. "That's the conditioning talking." The grip got tighter. The darkness grew. Annie's stomach roiled. The worst part was that she was going to barf, and to wake up tasting it, but she was probably not going to remember Cecelia's... reaction... to the... Whaaaaarf. -------- She woke to the smell and taste of grapefruit, her tongue stuck to one cheek. The experience made her throw up a bit more. Like a sea cucumber defending it's...um...cucumbery den, she voided what she could, spread as far as she could. Then she spat. She sat up and looked around. She was naked, in a hamster cage. "There's a blow for freedom," she muttered. The water bottle was standard. She popped the steel ball with her hand, nostalgia rising as she rinsed and rinsed and rinsed. Somewhere outside the walls was what looked like a boy's bedroom. McLoony had taken her to a friend's house, she guessed. The floor was hamster standard, wood chips under a steel grate. She carefully crawled to the running wheel. It wasn't flat, but at least laying there she wouldn't feel bits dangle in the spaces. She stretched her feet up the slope, the wheel finding its own balance. Her head pounded but she was confident it'd heal up fast. The important thing, right now, was figuring out how all this was Ray's fault. --------- "And finally," she said, "not being satisfied by my bountiful beauty and goodness and seeking mates among his own order. That's why he is the one at fault." The door opened. She remained motionless on the wheel. The tinted plastic around the wheel kept her largely invisible. The clouded figure came through the door, shut it carefully and approached the cage. A male face started to become visible. "Little sylph?" Annie slowly moved a hand over her mouth to muffle her voice. "Get off me!" Whoever it was leaped back, trying to look under both feet at once. Then tipped over and fell to the floor. Annie couldn't stop giggling even when the man stood up and glared at her. "That was mean!" he snarled. "The kidnapper complained to the victim," she drawled. "You're not kidnapped!" "I was taken from my owner against his and my will, she pointed out," Annie said. "Are... Are you narrating the conversation?" he asked. "She admitted to practicing her testimony." "God damn it! There won't be any testimony. This isn't a crime." "Theft?" she asked. "Maybe grand larceny, depending on my street value. Never been appraised. My owner has never been interested in selling me, so I don't know." "Owner!" he spat. "That's the crime! We need to get you on the Underground Railroad." Annie laughed out loud. "You know the only thing on the other end of that is an Eastern European pet store, right?" "That's the conditioning! You've been taught to resist even thinking about gaining your freedom." She stood and rapped a knuckle against the underside of the cage lid. "This is Freedom?" "Until we can defeat your programming, it's for your safety." He groaned and stood, rubbing his hip. Annie smiled but quickly sobered. "You know, most deprogramming really resembles brainwashing, just to a new outlook. If I really am happy, by the time you 'deprogram' me, I'll be brainwashed, not free. How could you tell the difference?" "You don't understand," he said with a shake of his head. "Okay. Where's Loony MacBewbies?" He blinked. "The woman that snatch- That liberated me?" "The uni cops have her. They're trying to get your location so they don't have to press charges." The man put hands on the table and leaned down close to the cage. "She's willing to sacrifice her freedom for yours." "Ever thought to ASK first?" she snarled. He sighed and limped to the door. "Hey! Freedom fighter! Any food in the house?" "Food supports your resistance," he said over his shoulder. "Pwease?" she asked. "I haven't eaten. We didn't... We never get breakfast. And Master gave me a tiny lunch so I'd behave during dinner." She sank down by the air vent. "It hurts... Sylph bodies need so much food." He paused, conflicted. "It doesn't have to be much...a crumb? Please?" "One crumb," he said. He walked out. He came back with a cookie, crushing it in front of her. One crumb was carefully eased through a vent hole. "Is this chocolate?" she asked with a small smile. He nodded. "Ray never lets me have chocolate." "My GOD!" he said with mock terror. "And you want to go back with him?" "He says it's for my own good," she said, nibbling at the chip. "Since they don't make organic chocolate." "But they do!" he protested. "This is!" "Really?" She shook her head. "You're just teasing me." She ate the last of the chocolate. "No, no, I can show you the label!" He rushed out. When he came back, Annie lay on her back, face swollen, coughing. "Aller... All... Allergy!" "Oh my god oh my god oh my god!" He dropped the paper sack of gourmet pastry and opened the lid. "What do I do?" "Bleed," Annie said. She twisted as he lifted her up and bit his hand. Not a 'I hurt you' bite. She was trying to scrape skin away from a finger bone with her teeth. He shrieked and twitched. She flew through the air. Sylphs are sturdier than they look. And with their reduced mass, falls of multiple body lengths aren't as scary as even half of that distance would be for a human. Annie had enough time to tell herself that three times before she reached the far wall. She slapped it hard to transfer as much momentum as possible, then dropped to the floor. Her legs flexed and absorbed the rest. Then she was up and running. The idiot had been very careful about the door until he brought the cookie bag. He'd thought he was getting through to her and dropped his guard. She knew he wouldn't do that again. This escape attempt would be her last, one way or another. Outside the door was a staircase headed down. She had an instant to decide if it led to or away from the ground floor, then started jumping down it. There was a door just visible beyond the bottom, with a glass window showing what looked like a street lamp's light. Free fall, fold, skip skip, free fall... She had it down to a rhythm. The steps and risers were the same size as the stairs back home. She wished she were home. Mom and Dad wouldn't put up with any of this 'date a girl and lose your best friend' bullshit, that was for sure. Oh, she couldn't wait for the next phone call home to- A thunderous rattle warned her that the captor was running down the stairs. She made it to one more riser, but instead of leaping out, she just dropped straight down. She flattened against the riser and looked up. When the sole of a boot came into view, it was over to one side. Not directly over her head. But she screamed anyway. Loud and as high as she could. She could have screamed professionally for Hammer films, Mom had said once. Cookie Boy twisted his foot away from possible stepping on his captive. Once more, he over reacted, over balanced and toppled. The stairs weren't nearly as forgiving as the bedroom carpet had been. He toppled and fell ass over tea kettle. She followed, back into her rhythm. Fall, fold, skip skip, fall, fold, run around his twitching foot, free fall, skip skip. She paused at the pool of blood. Then she ran. --------- Ray pulled up next to the parked police car. Two uniformed cops looked him up and down without being impressed. "I, uh, was told to pick up my sylph here?" he said. One jerked his head towards the front door. An ambulance was parked on the lawn. Men were lifting the gurney into it. Ray saw someone on a Stokes stretcher in a neck collar. Then they closed the doors. He climbed the steps. "Annie let him live?" he muttered. The door was open. A detective was inside, examining the stairs. He turned at the movement. "Who're you?" "Sylph owner," Ray said. "Sir." "Your little lady did a number on that guy," the cop said with a shake of his head. "Is...she in trouble?" Ray asked. "Can't arrest a sylph," the man said with a smile. "If she was a kidnap victim, we might have to work hard getting her story to match the physical evidence. But the law doesn't require me to investigate pets as attempted murderers." He came down off the stairs and walked into the living room. "Miss Annie gave us a statement over the phone. She called us and requested a police car and an ambulance. "First one to get here won possession of her thief, she said. We won." He laughed. "We'll wait until he can survive a day in court, though." He stopped and leaned against a standing piano. "She's underneath this. Wouldn't come out until you got here." Ray knelt and looked under the bottom. Two bright white eyes blinked back at him. "I know she's not under arrest," he said, "but when she comes out, you're not going to take her as evidence or a material witness, are you?" "Her testimony is inadmissible." The cop put his notebook away and crouched down. "I have absolutely no legal reason to detain her or otherwise hinder you giving her a well-deserved steak dinner." "Steak?" Ray asked. "If we're going to make it to The Sizzler before they close we'll have to-" He opened his hands to gather his sylph in as she ran to him. "We'll call you about pressing charges on Mr. and Ms. MacLoud," the cop said, clapping him on a shoulder. They stood. "Don't break any speed limits on the way to dinner." "No, sir. Thank you," man and sylph said, turning to the door. "This was all your fault!" Annie was complaining as he stepped out the door. "Yes, probably," he said in a much-put-upon tone. "Can you forgive me?" "If it's sirloin," she said. -------------- She pushed away from the side of his plate, finally sated. He saw that she'd actually made a visible dent in his steak and his eyebrows rose. "Worked up an appetite," he observed. "Crimefighting takes it out of a girl," she moaned. She curled up over his steak knife handle and moaned. He gazed at her for a second, then picked up his butter knife and started eating. "I am so whipped," he said. She smiled, not knowing exactly how she'd won another round. "So, why did you call the ambulance on the guy?" he asked after a few bites. "I don't want to be the sylph that killed a guy," she said. "They'd start passing laws that held us responsible for overmassed assholes that fall down stairs." He nodded. "Besides, what else would I do?" she asked. "Running across campus, across town? Alone and lonesome and defenseless-" "Defenseless," he repeated with a snort. She ignored him. "It would either be yet another predictable 'sylph in the wild' movie that pits the tiny against the mundane, ending in the last scene with the poor sylph being saved by her one true Master." She yawned and curled up tighter. He reached over to the other seat and took those utensils. The napkin was spread to cover her where she dozed. "Thanks," she said softly. "Either?" he asked. "Oh. Well, frankly, I just didn't have the energy. I figured if cops and medics showed up for the body, they'd stay for the crime scene." "And in the end, the sylph was rescued by her one true Master," Ray said softly. He stroked her back with a finger. "Yeah," she said sleepily. Then her eyes burst open wide. "NO! Then she was returned to captivity by the due process of an uncaring, unbalanced, paranoid society that champions rights based on mass, not worth or potential or-" Ray continued eating as she ranted. Back to the Index