Annie CXI: Ice Cream

(Chronological index: Not long after The Big Dummy)

"You guys were too popular," Denise complained as she came in the door. Ray looked up from the card game he was playing against Annie.

"Annie was popular in high school," he said.

"BOTH times," Annie bragged.

"But I wasn't, not really."

"I mean," Denise said, swinging the grocery bag up to the counter."That ventrilosylph act, entertaining the cancer kids at my hospital. The kids kept talking about how good you were. So, Michelle talked to Jefferson who spoke with Dr. Lund-"

"And we got a GIG!" Pet shouted cheerfully from her owner's shoulder.

"I get top billing," Annie said immediately.

"You got top billing last time," Ray protested. He got up to help sort groceries.

"You think the dummy should get more recognition than the star?" Annie snorted. She snagged Ray's shirt sleeve as he went by. The two sylphs ended up perched on a recipe holder, watching dinner get assembled.

"Can I help?" Pet asked.

"I dunno," Ray said."The talent agency only offered a certain amount of chocolate last time."

"I'd be willing to take a cut in my pay," Annie said grandly."As long as my dressing room reflects well upon my stardom."

"A...shoebox?" Denise tried to remember."I think we can do that again." She reached up to rub her sylph's hair."And we can promise full scale wages for anyone involved."

"Yippee!" Pet giggled.

"But what part of the act will you give her?" Ray asked.

"Nothing," Annie said."We'll come up with something new for Pet and me to per- Oooh! Pet, do you like ice cream?"

"Hello? Have we been introduced?" Pet asked, pretending to be shocked.

------------

The ventriloquist act went much the way it had before. Ray and Annie worked the simple jokes, the funny faces and the inverted power of the sylph puppeteer over her human puppet.

The kids laughed even harder than the last time. Annie was forced to pace her act to keep from having to call for oxygen.

But the ending....

Ray coughed violently after the last joke. He arms moved as if he was having a seizure, then he froze. All parts slowly sank down as something vented off.

Annie threw herself at the controls. Nothing worked. She false swore violently."Fingle daggrabbit! Futzing felder-pushed goose-wrinkled shoulder licker!"

She stomped over to a lump in Ray's costume under his arm."Engineering!" she shouted as she pounded on it.

Pet climbed into view, dressed more or less as a train engineer. Soot marked her overalls and grease lined her face. She shook her head sadly."He's done for, Miss Annie. I told you last week that he had about three hours of life left in the fritz-bole."

"But we've only been here for two hours!"

"Yes, Miss Annie, but you remember you spent an hour making him act out Jeff Dunham routines last night."

"Oh. Yeah. Well, what can we do?" She waved towards the children."If we don't finish the act, they'll never let us out."

"Well, we can let the old dummy cool down, see if that reseats the gooketch hammer. Then we tamp the dingle hoo haw into the bunkle scope and try our best for a few more jokes."

"Okay," Annie said, wiping her forehead."I guess we have to wait." She shook her head sadly and walked to the front of the wheelchair.

The two sylphs sat at the edge, swinging their legs and looking terminally bored.

The kids waited patiently, sure there was a punchline coming up soon.

"Hey, Pet? What’s your favorite flavor of ice cream?" She spoke low, as if it was just a private conversation, not part of the act.

"Vanilla." Pet's reply was instant and also low. The kids got really quiet and leaned forward.

"What? That hardly counts."

"What do you mean?"

"Well, vanilla is the flavor you get so no one is offended. What’s your favorite?"

"Vanilla IS my favorite," Pet insisted.

"Really?"

"Why, what’s yours?"

"Oh...I dunno. I guess my top three would be on the list: strawberry, chocolate, nut sundae, fruit whip, Cornish cream, plum surprise, rhubarb fool, knickerbocker glory, crunchy toffee pringle, Neapolitan, cosmopolitan, marshmallows, spearmint, coffee, mocha continental, orange, lemon, lime, lychee, pineapple, pomegranate, or ugly fruit."

"I’ve...I’ve never heard of those flavors," Pet admitted. She turned to the audience. "Have you guys ever heard of those flavors?"

The children shook their heads. One girl raised her hand.

Annie pointed to her. "She knows! She’s an ugly fruit fan if ever I saw one."

"NO, I like STRAWberry!" the patient insisted.

"But have you TRIED ugly fruit ice cream?" Annie persisted. The girl made a face. Annie made a funnier face. Soon the sylphs were trading ugly fruit faces with random children.

Ray wriggled his leg a little bit. Not enough for the kids to see him shaking, but the sylphs felt it. They started winding things down.

"Well, Pet, we've used up all our time on the ward today. I guess we need to go see if we can get Ray started up again."

"I'll go press the reset!" She ran to her little door and slithered inside.

After a few moments, Ray started to lift his limbs and head. Annie ran through a couple of tests of the controls and was satisfied.

"Well. Okay. One last test of the dummy. Ray? What's your favorite flavor of ice cream?"

"I don't know, Annie. What is yours?"

"That would be strawberry, blueberry, blackberry, gooseberry fool, apple charlotte, marmalade, onion, lemon, glycerine and menthol, sugared almond,, flaky apricot, knickerbocker glory, banana, grapefruit, gropefruit, gripewater and greengauge jelly flavor!" she shouted.

"Hmm. I guess my favorite ice cream flavor would be Honey Mustard Roadkill... With Peaches."

"EEEEEEUUUUGH!" the kids chorused as the performers retreated.





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