Bonny Body



(A few days after BADD Girl)

Ray was on his side, facing towards Annie's cage. He snored lightly. She wasn't fooled, he was awake. He was very convincing, but she could hear the difference between pretend snoring and real snoring. God, she'd listened to enough of each over the years.

He had a theory about insomnia, that if he pretended to be asleep and pretended to dream, he would go to sleep and start dreaming. Frankly she thought he was just rationalizing having graphic fantasies and calling them dreams.

So she didn't let his pretend-sleeping bother her. She leaned back and belted out the first verse.

"My BODY lies over the ocean, My BODY lies over the seeeeeeeeeeeeeea!"

Groves sat up straight in the bed. "Dammit, little woman!"

"My BODY lies over the ocean, Bring back my body to MEEEEEEEEEEEE!"

She'd slept an entire day after the Patty Pulling Memorial Dungeon Crawl, then woken up to a huge pile of chocolate. Victory chocolate.

Chocolate offered by players and viewers and people who'd just heard about the graphic sex and extended perversions encounter chart.

And it would have been rude to refuse it… Any of it…

So now, two days after waking up, she was on a sugar high to end all sugar highs. She was pretty sure the itching sensation when she sat down was her feeling the chair's Brownian motion, she could smell sound waves and if she held her eyes just right, she could SEE that light was a wave and a particle.

Obviously, it was therefore time to sing.

"So, bring back, bring back, bring back my body to me, to me, bring back, bring back, bring back my boooooooooooooody to meeeeeeeeeeeeeee!"

"BONNIE!" Groves shouted. He rolled out of bed and waved his fists outside the birdcage. "It's bring back my BONNIE! If you're going to sing it, at least sing it right!"

"It IS right," she said with a sniff. Ray's snoring was interrupted by a sniff of his own. "When sylphs sing this song, we're bemoaning the loss of mass. About 99% of my BODY is missing. Please, please, please, bring it back, whoever took it."

"Listen, you little whore," Groves hissed. "I've got an exam in four hours! If I fail it because of your evil ways-"

"You'll what? Pray for me?" she asked calmly. "Or move out?" She already knew Groves had decided he couldn't last the short sprint to the end of the semester without being damned to perdition, not in Annie's presence. Someone had confided in Ray that he'd willingly given up his security deposit, just to get another room.

"What I'll do is-" His threat paused when Ray smacked his lips and rolled around a bit. Her owner didn't open his eyes or stand, though. Groves whispered menacingly. "Well, you don't want to find out."

"Noted," she said, dismissing him. "Last night as I lay on Master's pillow," she continued, but much softer. "Last night as I lay on his bed, Last night as I lay on the pillow, I dreamt that his roommate was dead."

Then she was silent as he growled his way to sleep.

When he was snoring for real, she opened the cage door (or vibrated through it, she wasn't quite sure which) and jumped to the head of Ray's bed. "Well?" she asked in a conversational, though slightly squeaky tone. "Are you going to let him threaten me AND insult my singing?"

Groves woke when Ray's body weight dropped onto his chest. He coughed, then found he was pinned by the other student.

Still in his sleeping shorts and tee, Ray smiled down. "We don't threaten, in my family. That's too much like a warning. We scream and we attack."

"I'd never really hurt her-" Groves started to say.

"I know," Ray nodded. "And she's always been one-up on empty threats, so I don't need to come to her rescue. And her singing is an acquired taste-"

"Hey!"

"Shush," he said calmly. The sylph subsided. "So I can't really get 'even' for you complaining about that. But, see, you called her a whore."

"Did she tell you that?"

"She didn't have to, Grovie. I wasn't asleep."

"I merely meant-"

"And, see, back in high school, someone suggested that I could sell her to an adult bookstore. She'd be in a wee peep show. And just for the fact that they suggested that she might end up an aquarium whore? I set their car on fire."

"Fair's fair, Master, you melted their engine block."

"I wasn't going to admit to knowing how to make Napalm, Annie," Ray said. His tone was disapproving. Groves was sure they were sending HIM a message, though.

After all, Ray never broke eye contact, even when remonstrating his pet's comment.

"I'll leave her entirely alone," Groves promised.

"Oh, I know," Ray said. He rolled off of his roommate and collected his shower shoes and ditty bag. "You're moving out this afternoon, and you've got a very, very busy morning ahead."

He scooped up his little animal and walked out. Groves waited until the door closed before he stood up.

Or tried to.

He found that he was still pinned in place, by an ungodly amount of dental floss wrapped around him and tied to the frame of his bed.

"Help?" he called.

----------

"The secret to a good flossing," Ray said in a lecturing tone, "is not to spool the floss out where the sleeper can hear it."

"Really?" Annie asked, as if she hadn't heard the theory before. As if she hadn't been there while Master and his friends discussed a failure and adapted the technique.

A Freshman waiting to use the sink and the mirror tried not to look like he was listening, or staring at the tiny woman in the men's room. So she waved. Wildly. The sugar was still demanding some action on her part, so she looked like she was doing Evelyn Wood calisthenics.

"Are you okay?" Ray asked, razor poised over his cheek.

"Uh huh!" she said. "Yep. Uh huh. Okay. Uh huh, uh huh, uh huh, uh huh…. Um. Maybe?"

He continued his ablutions and the lecture. "After that, one has to be careful not to get it too tight. With care, you can get everything arranged and then tighten it all up in one tug."

"Right, right, right, right, right," she agreed. The world started to spin until two wet fingers gently pinched her head and stopped her nodding.

"You know what we should do?" she asked. "We should go see professor Dottie and ask her if I can spend a day with Poul."

"Really?" he asked. His voice had…that tone. He knew something. She slid out of his gentle grip and ran around the sink. His robe was rough, practically a ladder up to his shoulder.

"You know something! You know you know something. What do you know?

"Well, Professor Luttuck is spending the early summer in Russia. And she wanted someone to offer refuge to Poultry.

"But you're acting a little weird, so-"

"I can change!" she shouted. "I'll wake up pretty soon, now. Maybe some exercises to burn up the sugar!" She jumped from the shoulder, grabbing his robe's belt as she fell past it. Then she hand-over-handed down to drop to the floor.

He watched her scurry to the door and run back to their room. Too bad that the straight line to the door intersected two of the toilet stalls. Two guys squeaked in surprise as she ran across their shower-sandaled feet.

-------

A lot of graduates walked carefully across the stage for their diploma. Many of those suffered their last hangover as college students (at least until post-grad). More than a few of them were still operating under one influence or another.

Ray walked carefully because Annie stood on top of his graduation cap, waving a banner tied to a skewer.

The dean, familiar with (some) of the duo's antics even announced them as "Annie Foster and her sidekick, Ray." The crowd cheered.

Professor Luttock was among the first to congratulate them both, then shoved a sylph carrier into his arms. She waved her airplane tickets and hurried off.

Ray slipped his sylph in with their guest and went to find his parents.

Poultry held the seatbelt out as she slipped in beside him. They embraced. "Eight whole weeks of you," she sighed happily.

"Unless I overstay my welcome," he murmured.

"HIS welcome you can overstay," she said, jerking a thumb upwards. "Lucky for you, I have the presiding vote on all sylph matters."

"What," he laughed. "You own the majority of sylph stock?"

"I'll tell Mom," she said. "Now, enough about people who don't fit inside a sock. Kiss me, and don't stop until we go blind."

"I thought we were going out to dinner?" he said.

"The Fosters are good people," she said slowly and deliberately, in the tone of one lecturing to a voter who still felt optimistic about Mondale's chances. "If we're blind, they'll be sure to lead us to plates and/or hand food to us."

"Oh, well, if there're going to be life-guards." He reached for her and leaned in.

"Waiters," she corrected him, pulling him tight.

Outside, the voices of giants greeting giants came and went. Hearty slaps of congratulations sounded like thunder and shook the carrier a moment afterwards.

There was cheering and yelling, heartfelt goodbyes and promises to keep in touch. None of it impacted the events of two tiny sylphs sharing a tiny moment in a pocket of space.

Ray did make sure to announce the arrival of dinner, tapping lightly on the carrier roof.

A few moments later they stepped onto the table and Poultry was introduced.

Gwen was uncomfortable calling him by his owner's specialty. "What was your real name?"

"You don't have to-" Poul protested.

"Just tell her," Annie said from the side of Ray's plate. "She won't rest until she can treat you in the way she thinks you deserve." Poul glanced around as the men at the table nodded.

"Well, then," he said, turning to face up to Gwen. "My name before I sylphed was Mortimer. I really prefer Poul."

"Oh," Gwen said. She looked from Poul to Annie, not sure what to do.

"Then Poul it is," Victor said with a certain air of finality. He offered a finger and they shook. Gwen copied him, then they set to eating.

"So, you were the sylph these two went to Alaska to rescue?" Gwen asked. "I hope they treated you well."

She was thinking about the Raymond/Annie adjustment period, and a young boy adapting to life with a sylph.

Poul instantly thought of sex in three different time zones and wasn't sure how much to reveal. He blushed and turned to his hostess.

"He jumped me like a Calaveras County Frog," Annie said. She pointed to the part of Ray's steak that she wanted. Then she turned to smile up at Mom and Dad. "It was niiiiiiiiice."

Ray blushed, Victor coughed, Poul turned to go back inside the carrier. Gwen nodded. "Feeling our oats today, are we, Annie?"

"Yes, ma'am!" she said happily. "Poul! You want rare or what?"

-------

Ray had packed the car three days before. Annie's carrier was on the floor of the back seat, cushioned and covered by three blankets. She and Poul threaded their way down through the assorted books, disk organizers, boxes, bags, his graduation gifts and other debris from his school career.

"Why are we under all this shit?" Poul asked, looking up at the pile of crap looming overhead in the back seat.

"Master says it makes us more safe and secure for the ride. If we were on top, things might shift." She tugged on the doorknob, pushing against the weight of the blanket. "What he really means, though, is that he won't hear us shouting 'Oh, GOD!' and 'That's it!' and 'Baby, baby, baby, you're hung like a naked mole rat!'"

He held the door as she crossed the threshold. "But we don't shout anything like that!" he pointed out.

"I told him we did," Annie replied. "Now he's terrified that he'll overhear our lovemaking." She drew him into the dark interior and drew him into an embrace. They kissed.

When he came up for air, he giggled. "You SHOULD have told him we're perfectly silent when we have sex."

"Why would I do that?" she asked, intrigued.

"Imagine your loyal master standing outside an empty carrier for twenty minutes, asking if we're done, yet?"

"Dammit," she snapped.

Poul let her fume for a minute, then started rubbing her shoulders. She moved his hands to much more interesting places.

Many miles later, they were spooning on the cushion.

"So, where are we staying, at your folks' house?" Poul asked. His hand stroked along her side.

"Master was going to put us in a guest room, for privacy, and for not having another flight of stairs between us and the kitchen." She writhed backwards, pressing against him.

"Was?" he asked.

"Mmmmmm," she replied.

"Did he change his mind?"

"I changed his mind," she said sleepily. "There's no beach in the guest room."

"Ah," he nodded as if that made sense. She wouldn't explain any further, so he pressed his face into her hair and they dozed together.

-------

Annie woke the instant the car stopped. She found herself wrapped in Poul's arms, and the two of them wrapped tightly in her blanket.

She tried to ease out of both of them in time to greet Master, but Poul wouldn't wake. Then inspiration struck and she lay perfectly still, very quiet.

The back door opened and Ray called for the two sylphs. Gently at first, then with a growing anxiety.

Poul woke to find Annie's hand covering his mouth. "Shhhhh!" He did move enough that she could wiggle free, then she stepped out the door, completely naked and smiling.

Ray was crouched in the open door, kneeling to try to see the carrier in the glow of the streetlight.

"Oh, hi, Ray. Are we home?"

"Florida visitor's center," he said. "I need a potty break and I was going to ask… Um, were you guys asleep?"

"Oh, NO Master. Poul's teaching me tantric yoga!" She stretched languorously.

"Tantric?" he repeated. "That's, uh, that's sex stuff, right?"

"Yes," she said, eyes half-closed.

"So…yoga sex, lots of chanting?"

"No, Master, lots of silence. Perfect silence, concentrating on the act, the sensations and most of all, not moving too much."

"Oh!" he said. "Well, um, okay, um, so you guys didn't answer because you were… Um." He stood. "I'm going to, um, facility, use the facilities. And get a soda. You, uh, you guys, you want… Um…"

"Poul would love a root beer, Master," she said with her biggest smile. "And we'll be dressed by the time you get back to the car."

"Right, uh, right. Okay. I'll, uh. A moment." He eased the door shut and scampered off.

"That was mean," Poul laughed from inside the carrier.

"It's my job," she smiled. "And it WAS your idea."

"I know. Still mean."

"Come on, clothing. Quickly."

-------

Mom and Dad were still up as Ray parked in the driveway. He carefully delivered the sylphs in Poul's carrier, then went back to start unloading the car.

Victor went to help his son, Gwen offered refreshments or trips to the little persons' sink.

Annie sipped her ice tea as things were carried in. Victor brought her carrier, her birdcage and her clothing rack. Ray brought in his Apple IIGS computer. She approved of Victor's priorities, aloud, though she understood Ray's care for his graduation present.

She would just never tell him so.

"So did you enjoy the drive down?" Gwen was asking.

Annie turned. "Don't ask questions you don't want the answer to, Mom."

"I don't," Gwen said, steel in her tone.

"Oh." Annie took a step back. "Then, um, yes. Yes, very much."

"I'm going back in my carrier," Poul mumbled.

"Oh, don't," Gwen said. "You're grown-ups. It's not like _I_ was never young and without much in the way of adult supervision."

"Ow!" Annie protested, hands to her ears.

"I remember this one camping trip," Gwen started to say, glancing at the doorway to make sure her husband wasn't close by. "When my cousin and I found two hikers skinny dipping in a pond above the campground."

"Ow! Ow-ow-ow-ow-ow!" Annie ran into the carrier. Poul sat down with a smile. "How old were you? How old were they? Wait, was your cousin a boy or a girl? And what was the gender distribution of the skinny dippers?"

Ray walked in with another load. He glanced at the table, saw the smiles on Gwen and Poul and nodded. "Are you two ganging up on my sylph?" He stepped over and put his hand out, palm up, by the carrier door.

Annie leapt out and curled up on his palm. "Avaunt thee!" she shouted. He laughed, stuffed her in his pocket and went back to the car. "More like 'avaunt wee,' I'd say," he muttered.

"As long as you avaunt ME!" Annie wailed.

"Eighteen, nineteen, twenty-one, twenty-three, girl, boy, boy," Gwen replied.

Victor stepped in, laid down a box and smiled. "Darcy was eighteen, too," he said. "But she turned nineteen two days later."

"How do you know the story?"

"Darcy recounted it at our wedding reception," he said with a shrug. "Loudly. At drunk volume."

"Why don't I remember that?" Gwen asked.

"Because you were just as loudly pointing out everything she got wrong," he said.

Poul laughed, instantly relaxing in the company of the unfamiliar giants.

------

Ray woke to silence in the morning. He glanced curiously over at the two carriers and the cage. The bed, with a gel mattress, was in the cage. Annie had rewoven her ribbon collection through the bars for privacy.

The doors to both carriers were closed.

There was no sound, not of breathing, snoring, talking or sex, coming from any of them.

He eased out of the bed and reached for his clothing. First he pat the pockets to make sure there were no stowaways, then put them on.

He picked up a shoe and shook it slightly.

"Seriously?" Poul shouted from the window sill. "You think we could manage sex in your smelly shoe?"

Ray managed not to flinch. "I'm not checking for sylphs," he said. "I'm checking for scorpions or marshmallows or those bear things."

"Gumi!" Annie shouted from beside Poul.

"I don't care how yummy they are," Ray said, finishing with the shoelace and shaking the other shoe. "They aren't comfortable to find under my arches."

He finally turned towards his tiny tormentors. "You guys ready for breakfast?"

They replied by holding up their hands over their heads, waiting to be picked up. He pocketed them and went downstairs.

Dad was making pancakes, Annie could tell. She sniffed at the top of the stairs and sighed. "Daddy do Sunday stuff!"

"I don't smell bacon," Ray remarked.

"He hasn't made it yet. I smell pancake batter."

"Can we get him to hurry?" Poul asked. "Our mount, I mean?"

"Not a problem," Ray said. He started to hop down the stairs. The sylphs grabbed tightly to his shirt pocket as the shocks pounded up through the skeleton.

"You… Hadda….ashk," Annie forced through gritted teeth.

"Shorree!"

-------

They discussed summer plans over the meal. Well, the humans did. The sylphs discussed just how much pancake they wanted, and just how much room that left in their bowls for syrup.

Ray's first real job didn't start until the fall. "That's when the summer interns-"

"The cheap help," Victor said.

"Go back to school. So then I get to spend a while putting things back together that they broke. So I guess I need to find a summer job to keep these two fed."

"Oh, we're more than glad to feed the sylphs," Gwen said. "And you, too, at least a couple of times a week."

"I told you," Annie said loudly to Poul. "I'm the favorite."

"Maybe you can help me with my homework," Victor said. Everyone made interrogative noises. "Oh, they're computerizing the office. A big mainframe in the basement, computers on every desk."

"Computers?" Ray asked. "Or terminals?"

Annie stood up and ran to hug Dad's wrist. "Poor baby," she said.

She explained to Poul that the man had been traumatized by computers at a young age.

"It was two years ago, and it wasn't trauma. Just frustrating."

"Another company's accounting computer said Dad's company owed their company $0.00," Annie explained.

"So, that's free?" Poul guessed.

"No," Ray said, "the actual amount was probably point zero zero one cents, or something, so it was technically positive. But the print routine rounded down."

"Whatever that means," Dad groaned. "All I know is that every time I called to complain, the idiot on the end of the line just kept saying that 'computers don't make mistakes' and that I must be reading the bill incorrectly."

"And it got to the point of lawsuits being threatened," Gwen added.

"So then Master told Dad to tell his accounting people to send in a check for one cent. And they thanked him and the problem went away."

"And someone at the company noticed it was an absurd bill?" Poul guessed.

"That's what _I_ said!" Victor nodded to the guest.

"OR," Annie said, "someone on minimum wage who didn't give a rat's ass just plugged in the number, stamped the check and went on with their soul-sucking career in the middle of some Billing Department Hell."

"Such a lovely image," Gwen said. "More bacon, Paul?"

"Poul."

"Pohl?"

"He writes SciFi. Poul."

"Ah. Paul."

(sigh) "Yes, please."

"So what's your homework?" Annie asked.

"To not hate computers by Monday," Dad Victor groaned.

"You just need to understand them," Ray said. "Once you're comfortable with them-"

"Yeah!" Annie nodded, patting his wrist. "Reach down to the disk drive, let it sniff your hand."

"I understand computers," Victor pointed out. "They don't make mistakes."

"Weeeeellllll," Ray and Annie drawled together.

"What?"

"They do exactly what you tell them," Ray said. "Exactly. So if the programmer or the operator makes an er-"

"Fucks up," Annie translated. Victor nodded.

"Then you get bad results."

"So, what," Gwen said. "You're going to teach him how to do spreadsheets today?"

"I was going to teach him how to play golf," Ray said.

"Golf?" Poul and Victor said together.

------------

Mom found Annie spread dramatically across the dining room table after lunch.

The men were in the living room with the IIGS. Ray was lecturing, "Now, see, if you don't TELL the program you want to change from a driver to a putter-"

"Yeah, yeah," Poul said, "Scoot over."

Gwen sat down next to where Annie sprawled. "You are the very IMAGE of disconsolate, Annie," she said.

"There are two men in my life and all three of them are ignoring me!" Annie mock-wailed. "I mean, I knew RAY would be seduced by the siren wail of his silicon mistress, but Dad? And POUL?"

"Aw," Mom offered commiseration and stroked the little head. "But then this would mean you're free to attend a cooking class."

"Cooking class?" Annie sat up. "Is this a cooking class or an eagle claw cooking class?" She made quotation marks with her fingers as she spoke.

"It's a Chippendales night," Gwen said. She glanced towards the living room. Victor was shouting in victory while the other two moaned. "Sounds like we don't even have to announce our intentions."

"Can I change?" Annie asked.

"I think you're adorable."

"But then this dress will end up smelling like cigarettes and whatever Amy is drinking!"

"And Poul will be so jealous…" She offered a hand and Annie hopped into it.

"You talked me into it, Mom!"

-------

The guys were still up when the girls got home. Dad took his wife's jacket, sniffed, the guided her at arm's length up to the master bedroom and master shower therein.

Ray gave Annie a once-over for major wounds. She lay in his palm and giggled. "Ray-ray," she said happily. "I saw a banana hammock shaped like Florida! You wanna know how long the drive was from Jacksonville to Miami?"

"Not particularly," he said. "Are you nauseous?"

"No, thank you, I had one in the car." She started to hum.

"Up to you, Poul," Ray asked.

"What's up to me?"

"She usually only ralfs once per bout. You want separate sleeping quarters for tonight?"

"Oh, I'd be a poor friend if I was only there for her when she was sober," Poul said. "Give me some hip waders and I'll be by her side."

"Alright," Ray nodded. He moved Poul to his shoulder and carried Annie in his cupped hands.

"So," Poul asked. "Is there a night of drinking on the schedule for me?"

"Well, there's Dad's bowling team. They're open to a sylph being there to keep score and track beers," Ray said. "But they're kinda sweet on Annie. They may be hostile if they think you're not good enough for Annie."

"That's why Ray doesn't go on bowling nights," Annie muttered. "They tear his hat up."

"His ass," Ray and Poul said together.

"Tha's right," Annie mumbled, then lapsed into silence.

"Or you can go on Mom's next cooking class."

"Not to Chippendales," he said.

"No, no, just a night of drinking as they ask you for intimate details. Half a dozen women concentrating on you, and getting frisky as the drinking goes no."

"That sounds fun," Poul said. "And frightening."

"Doesn't it just," Ray mumbled, entering his room. "The birdcage is more comfortable, but I can open up the lid to the carrier more easily if you need help."

"Sounds prudent," Poul said. He watched as Ray stripped his sylph and tucked her into bed, then Poul was lowered into the carrier beside her. He sat on the edge of the futon and stroked her hair. She smiled. Ray lowered a cup cut from the bottom of a bottle of eyedrops next to her head, then eased the lid shut.

"You should go," she said softly, eyes open and alert. "Six grown women interested in your sexuality? And a bloomin' onion!"

"I'm not much of an exhibitionist," Poul protested.

"Well, they'll take no for an answer, while they're sober." She scooted a bit on the bed and patted to invite him in.

"Aren't you drunk?" he asked.

"I'm tipsy. Sylph metabolisms. I'm a little too fragile for sex, but… We could cuddle."

He snuggled close. "That was brave of you," she said, "Offering to take care of drunk Annie." She kissed him in reward.

"Well, it was generous of Ray to allow me to babysit his sick friend."

"He trusts you," Annie said with a nod. "Plus, if you're holding my hair when I barf, it doesn't tug half of it out."

"I'll be careful," he said, brushing a strand of hair from her face. "But you're not nauseous. Right?"

"Right, I-" She belched. Poul shot out of the covers and helped move her closer to the eyedropper bucket. He crawled over her to cuddle her gingerly from behind.

-------

"OH!" Annie said a few hours later. Poul confusedly assumed she was about to barf and threw himself to the side.

Annie scooted over to see him rolled up against the ladder up to the lookout turret. "You okay?"

"I'm fine," he said, looking around with blinking, wide open eyes. "Is it… What time is it?"

"Wrist watch is over your head," she said. She got out of bed with less drama and moved to put on her shorts and a tee.

"No help," Poul complained. "I can't tell time on a clock set to 24 hour time."

"You need me to do the math?" she asked. "Well, it's OH THREE HUNDRED right now…"

"Fine, thank you, I think I can handle that one." He rubbed his face. "So what are we doing up at oh dark ungodly?" He reached for his pants, assuming they were going somewhere together.

"It's time," she said. "And I thought of another one."

"Another what?" he asked, but she was slipping out the door, on tip-toe.

He followed her across the dresser to Ray's headboard. The human slept on his side, snoring slightly. Annie paused to listen for a moment, then gave a thumbs-up. She continued to the window sill.

She handed him the cord for the curtains and gestured for him to wait. He obeyed, still confused.

Annie ducked out onto the window planter that served as the sylph's sunning beach. She came back after a few moments wearing a harness of some sort.

In each hand she had a tiny alligator clip. They were tied to the harness by two threads of dental floss wrapped around a single reel.

He followed her, tugging the cord out from the window.

Back and the corner of the headboard farthest from the window, there was a tiny notch in the bed's backing. Annie stuck the pull tab down, with the cord caught in the notch. They both pulled a few times but it didn't come loose.

Annie cautioned Poul to silence, and to stand by the cord. She snapped one alligator clip to the cord, then swung out as far as she could go, reaching up to attach the second.

Hand over hand, she clipped her way up the cord until she was over Ray's head.

She positioned herself carefully, then released the brake on the reel. Slowly, ever so slowly, she lowered herself down to where her Master's head lay.

At the last couple of inches, she twisted so that she hung upside down.

That put her head right next to his ear. Without touching it, she waited until her swinging motions ceased.

Then she spoke calmly. It was clear to Poul when she said, "Ray, we're in Albuquerque. It's your turn to drive."

She hung for another few seconds, then started cranking herself back up. A detent on the reel clicked silently and slowly as she went.

When she was fully clear of the giant, Poul freed the tab and walked across the headboard, taking up the slack as he went.

Instead of having to crank herself all the way back up to undo her clips, she just waited until she was next to the drapery.

Poul climbed up the course material, stopping to kiss her as he went by, then removed the gator clips and climbed back down.

"Brilliant," she said, hugging him after she'd restowed everything.

"But what did you do that for?" he asked. She kissed instead of answering.

"I had the weirdest dream last night," Ray said at breakfast. "We were all driving to San Francisco for a golf tournament. And we were as far as Albuquerque, and it was my turn to drive. And when I got in, Annie wanted to listen to the radio, so Poul turned on an All-Kiss station…"

"Weird," Dad agreed. "But not all that funny."

"I never said it was funny," Ray said.

Mom pointed towards the sylphs' table. "Someone sure thinks it's hilarious…."

-------

Ray ended up working three days a week at Victor's office. First he had to figure out what his dad did for a living, then try to explain how that could be done with or one or by the computer.

Coworkers that had sat through the same factory-training from the vendor also offered a few days of employment for Victor's kid. He drew up a schedule for the entire summer.

He showed that to his little guests. "Okay, ever since the stripper sylphs, the company-"

"Stripper sylphs?" Poul asked.

"Later," Annie replied.

"THE COMPANY POLICY," Ray wrestled control of the conversation, "is no sylphs on the premises. So you guys have three days a week at home, alone with the TV remote."

"Can we…?" Annie started to ask, then there was an uncharacteristic pause.

"I'll put one carrier on the coffee table," he said. "In case there's nothing on TV and you two want to… Take a nap?"

"Yawn," Annie said. "I could go for a nap right now."

"Well, keep your eyes awake for a bit longer," he said with a terribly fake grumpy tone. He tapped his calendar. "I've also looked at the movie releases for the next couple of months. I figure rather than a three-way vote, with recriminations and bribes-"

"What bribes?" Poul asked. "How could there be bribes?"

"To form voting blocks," Annie said.

"Say that you want to watch The Bounty because you're fond of nautical history," Ray said. "I'm fine with that. But there's a chance you might vote for a Mel Gibson movie that Annie wants simply because she offered to…"

"Nap with you," Annie suggested.

"So instead, I figured on Tuesday, I'll pick a movie I want to see, and anyone that wants to come along with me is welcome to.

"Then if you guys pick something on Thursday, we can go see that."

"Wonderfully generous, Master!" Annie cheered.

"He just figures if anyone's going to fight with Annie about what movie to watch," Poul said, "it'll be me, not him."

"Do you think I can be so underhanded?" Ray asked in shocked tones. "I'm shocked!"

"I was just making a jo-" Poul said, taking a step back on the desk blotter.

"Yeah," Annie agreed. "You don't know Ray NEARLY well enough to make such stunningly insightful comments on his character."

"Stunningly accurate," Ray said with a nod.

"Shockingly so," Annie nodded to her owner.

"And you're worried about US ganging up on YOU?" Poul growled.

"Awww," Annie sighed. "We maked him feel like the third wheel."

"Maybe a hug would help?" Ray suggested.

"Maybe," Annie nodded. Two big hands reached out over her head towards the male sylph. "I WILL CUT OUT YOUR EYEBALLS WITH A PIECE OF STALE JERKY!" she promised. Ray lowered his hands.

He waited until the agreed-upon hug was complete before asking, "You've got jerky?"

"It's stale."

"Don't change the subject."

-------

Victor and Poul ended up bonding over the golf game. They played nightly. Ray lost interest once both had mastered the commands and didn't need his translations or explanations.

He and Annie watched TV in a different room during the game, usually with Gwen.

Annie didn't feel neglected if at least one of her men held her close and made sure she had enough candy.

On more than one weekend, Victor even took Poul golfing. He couldn't swing, but he enjoyed the talk, the fresh air and being part of the discussion about whether the green broke left, right or if communists had unbalanced someone's putter.

On those trips, Gwen usually took Annie somewhere. Shopping was popular. Annie got more clothes out of apparently being ignored by Poul when really she just hoped he'd get the post-game talking out of his system before they came home.

There is little more boring than someone else's story about someone else's golf game.

When View To A Kill came out, Ray took it for granted that Annie would want to see it. Annie took it for granted that Ray would take her. Poul took it for granted that no one would spend money to watch Roger Moore pretend to be younger, smarter and able to act.

"Moore?" Ray asked. "I'm there to see Q branch."

"Moore?" Annie asked. "Until Moneypenny gets her own franchise spin-off, I can only see her in Bond movies. So… What's his face has to be withstood."

They made sure Poul was comfortable and took off.

Victor was working late and Gwen thought Poul looked lonely. She made a suggestion.

Ray decided that they'd swing by the house after the movie and pick up Poul for dinner. But the house was empty, all the cars were gone and Poul wasn't anywhere to be found.

"A mystery," Ray said.

"The thick plottens!" Annie said. "Eh, your Mom's probably meeting him in a sleazy motel off the interstate somewhere."

"Not funny," Ray said. His tone instantly reminded her of the Agreement. Mom was off limits. She reached for her shorts, to skin down her panties.

"No," he said, a finger on top of her hand. "No, we won't do that. I mean, I can see where you had the opportunity, and just felt a need to take it. But seriously. Don't even joke. Okay?"

"Yes, sir," she said, her voice small and her posture subdued. "I really am sorry, sir, I wasn't really thinking."

"Then we'll say no more about it," he replied. His smile was a little forced. It relaxed a bit as he carried her back out to his car. "Of course, this means you have no vote as far as dinner goes."

"It certainly does NOT mean that!" she replied. The argument lasted the Miami Subs store and halfway through making the order.

The poor girl at the counter kept adding and subtracting toppings that in the end, none of the three of them were sure what the kitchen staff was going to actually produce.

It turned out to be edible anyway. Annie took her choices and Ray ate the balance.

Everyone was home when they pulled in. Mom and Dad sat on the sofa while Poul stood kind of stiffly on the coffee table.

Ray put Annie down and threw himself into the recliner. She ran to Poul and took him in a hug.

"So where was everyone?" Ray asked as Annie sniffed.

"Icing?" Annie asked. "You were on a PASSION CAKE?"

"Four, actually," he replied.

Annie shrieked.

-------

Ray quickly isolated the two in the carrier, then carried it up to and left it in his room for privacy. And so Mom wouldn't feel embarrassed about doing something she had thought was fun.

Annie didn't wait until they were alone. Ray wasn't even to the stairs when she was able to form words again.

"You were on four passion cakes? For Mom?"

"No, for your mom's cooking class. They met at this place called the Landing-"

"Yeah, yeah. Four? For six women?"

"Well, that's how it worked out. One couldn’t make it, and your mom didn't make me-."

"But you had… Oh, God, I can't BELIEVE you!" She started pacing, automatically adjusting for the swing of Ray's legs on the stairs.

"What did I do?" he asked, grabbing a handhold.

"You were on four passion cakes!"

"What was I supposed to do? Storm out and take a cab home?"

"You could have said no!"

"As you pointed out a while back, we're not people, we're PETS! We can't say no."

"But when they started ordering them, Mom would have taken 'no please' for a reply."

"It was your mom's idea!" he shot back.

"No!"

"Believe me, I was there. And what are you upset about? You said they'd be interested in me, my sexuality."

"YEAH, but I thought they'd…" She waved her hands vaguely. "They'd ask you intimate questions, and maybe peek at your penis, and compare it to their husbands' or ex-husbands' equipment."

The carrier was set down and the door to the room was shut. Poul crossed over and sat down on the bench. "They did that, too," he said. "Evidently Amy's ex and I share grooming habits."

"Eugh! Ick!" she replied, hands over her ears. "No. NO, no, no, no, no. No I can NOT take this."

"Take what?" he asked.

"You CHEATED on me!" she shot back.

"What, would you rather have been there?"

"In front of MOM? GOD, no! How can you ASK that?" She backed away from him and found herself bumping into the doorknob. That seemed like a good idea to her. She flung the door open and stepped out.

"Annie!" he called. "Annie I never did-"

"I don't care!" she cried and ran to her own carrier. The door locked from the inside and there was a spare set of sheets. She changed the bed so it wouldn't smell like Poul and flung herself down on it.

Then crept to the edge of the bed and sniffed the pillow case. Then cried in rage and shoved the sheets across the room.

Which meant she had to get up later to hug the sheets to her chest and smell them.

Which angered her and she climbed up to the turret to shove the sheet off of the top of the carrier, over the side and down onto the desk.

Then, finally, she could cry herself to sleep without distractions. Except for remembering how he had smelled. And identifying the butter cream and the tutti fruitti and…

It must have been Karen that couldn't make it. She'd definitely have ordered fudge.

-------

The next day, Ray approached the two carriers as if they were unexploded bombs. Trying hard not to take sides, he just announced that he was going to breakfast and people should present themselves.

Annie backed out of her door so that she'd never turn towards HIS side of the desk. Poul and Ray both rolled their eyes at this affectation.

Still, Ray kept the two as distant as possible as he stepped down to the kitchen.

No one was up yet and he started assembling a bowl of cereal. Annie stood on the center counter and watched. Poul was on the counter by the stove.

"So, uh, Poul," Ray asked, "You were at Alonso's last night?"

"The Landing," he replied.

"Yeah, that's the shopping center. One of the restaurants is Alonso's." Annie sniffed at the correction. "I hear they have some pretty sylphs for the passion cakes down there."

"Wouldn't know," Poul said. "I didn't see any." Annie blinked and started to turn. Ray noticed but just kept on slowly pouring the cereal.

"No partners?" Ray asked. "But I heard you were on some passion cakes?"

"Yes. But your mother just thought it would be more fun for me than being picked up and examined by her friends.

"I lay down in the frosting and writhed around, while they cheered and giggled and egged me on. Then whichever one had ordered the cake picked me up and licked me clean."

"Fairly standard," Ray said with a nod. He sliced a strawberry. "I don't think my mom….? Um?"

"No. No, the others encouraged her, but she said that would feel like folding her daughter into a Valentine's card and hitting it with a skillet."

"Sounds like Mom," Ray said. The two men ignored the little sob-giggle from Annie.

"Also, she said she thought I might need a shower, but she was going to wait until Annie could help me with that. The other women really laughed and cooed at that. Um… A little help?"

Ray moved Poul to the same counter he and Annie were at. "I'm supposed to tell you that they expect a full report on how hard it is to get icing off in the flow from a bathroom faucet."

Annie was a little choked up and just waved up at Ray. "Ah. She says she has received her instructions, and accepts her duty, but the report may take a while to fashion. We have no passion cake here."

He poured the milk and took it back to the fridge. "Why LOOK!" he exclaimed suddenly. "SOME ONE has brought a passion cake home in a doggie bag!"

"He's about as subtle as a Fourth of July firework display, isn't he?" Poul asked Annie. She nodded.

Ray translated. "She says shut up and kiss me because I'm sorry I didn't get the full story before-" He paused as both sylphs raised up their hands to stop him.

They kissed as he moved his breakfast to the dining room table. They kissed as he ate. They kissed as he carried them and the cake up to the third floor and placed them on the dresser.

"I'll be back in an hour," he said, "to take you to the sink."

"Two?" Poul asked.

"Four," Annie commanded.

"Yes, memsahib," Ray bowed. And left.

Poul stepped towards her, she moved backwards. "So," she asked. "You were, what, sexually abused by giant women?"

"Horribly abused," he said. He stepped closer. She retreated again, but in the direction of the pastry covered with butter cream.

"You…writhed?" she asked.

"I was told to cover myself," he said, continuing the slow, deliberate chase.

"And were you…excited?" She moved around the cake, he moved around the plate in the opposite direction. They started to circle.

"Some reasonably attractive women were… watching. And encouraging me. And… And licking their lips."

"Like this?" she asked and demonstrated.

"Like that, " he agreed. "Like that." He shed his shirt. She removed hers.

"And did they…suck on you? On your penis?"

"They did. And they stroked it with their tongues. And they achieved their goals."

"You came like a race horse?" she asked.

"I came like a naked mole rat summoned to the queen," he said. It just took a while to say it, as hard as he was panting at that point. They went on, circling and stripping.

"And what were you thinking?" she asked.

"I was thinking I was their toy. And while it was physically overwhelming, I couldn't NOT think about how much I missed being someone's lover. Her equal." He was naked. She paused to slip off her panties and he paused his circling, too.

"Oh, you can still be my toy AND my equal," Annie said. She stepped up onto the plate and dipped her toe in the frosting. "Brr. Refrigerated."

"I can make it warm," Poul offered.

"Let's say that I doubt you," she said. "Care to demonstrate?"

---------

Downstairs, Ray and Victor both stared at Gwen.

"How could you have put the two of them through that?" Victor asked. "Didn't you realize she'd be jealous?"

"Jealous but not unforgivably so," Gwen replied. "Annie tip-toes around Poul. She's scared of chasing him off." She stopped, waiting to see if the penny dropped. Both men stared at her.

"Well, NOW she knows she can indulge in a complete and total bitch meltdown and he'll still be there. Their relationship isn't as fragile as she has feared."

They continued to stare. She looked from face to face. Finally she rounded her shoulders and grunted in her 'men are Neanderthal's' voice: "Gwen-ogg think Annogg like make-up sex. Poulogg love her longtime."

"Oh!"

"Yeah, okay."

She rolled her eyes and opened the TV guide.

Ray noticed a change in the two sylphs after that. Annie snarked Poul a bit more regularly, so it didn't feel to Ray like he was being driven off.

And Poul relaxed and joined in the Ray and Annie exchanges. When he could keep up, anyway.

--------

The whole household stayed up to one in the morning on July 4th. It was the day Dottie was scheduled to try to contact Poul, long distance from Moscow.

They were all there in case she needed assurances that Poul was welcome, not a burden, and behaving himself.

They were not there to witness any tears from his contact with a woman he'd known for two decades, and belonged to for half of them.

So they didn’t notice.

Annie just nonchalantly held him close as Ray carried them up to bed. And Gwen nonchalantly slipped a Hershey's Kiss into Ray's hands. And Victor filled a sylph canteen with bourbon…

"I'd never have believed I'd miss her," he said softly in the birdcage. It had the best bed and the most privacy.

"Well, you're her familiar," Annie said. "She's got half your soul tied up with hers."

"Do you really believe that?" Poul asked very softly. "I mean, seriously. That our souls connect?"

For an answer, she leaned back and pulled a straight pin out of the ribbons decorating the cage. She quietly locked eyes with Poul, then stabbed herself in the thigh.

"OW!" Ray moaned. "What the hell was that for?"

"Proving you're my familiar!" Annie replied.

"You mean you're MY familiar," he corrected her.

"PoTAYto, idi-OUGHT-oh," she replied.

"Whatever," he moaned.

Poul had to smile. Annie smiled to see it.

"I'm fine," he said. "I just… I guess I was halfway to thinking this…visit would never end."

"Well, we would be willing to offer sanctuary, if that's what you decide," Annie said.

"Says the one person in the house who would NOT be facing a charge of grand theft sylph-napping," Ray muttered.

Annie turned and jumped up to a cross-bar, holding the cage wires so she could shout over the top of the privacy ribbons.

"We are HAVING a PRIVATE CONVERSATION!" she shrieked.

"What private? You JUST established that if YOU are present, then I'm present, too!" Ray said in retort.

Poul laughed and stood. He took the canteen and a drinking stein out to where the icebox sat.

"It's PRIVATE because POLITE people don't go where they're not INVITED!"

"Do POLITE people stab each other in the leg?"

He placed some ice chips in the stein, poured in some bourbon and went back to find the Kiss. A couple of swings with the hammer and chisel gave him an acorn-cup's worth of food. He sat with his back to the fighting and considered things.

He thought about Dottie and her caring for him, and his caring about her. About the knitting club and the other sylphs she let him interact with. About the occasional guest sylph for a sleepover. About her two-thumb backrubs and his full-body scalp rubdowns. About Midnight Mai Tais.

He knew it was a given that he'd go home, and now he realized he looked forward to it.

He finished the last piece of chocolate, drained the stein and stood up, ready to rejoin the conversation.

"So I suppose that makes me the anti-Christ," Ray was snarling.

"I have never actually SEEN stigmata," Annie admitted, "but if the six-six-six fits…."

Poul tapped her lightly on the back of one heel.

"He's back," she said calmly, then dropped to the floor of the cage. "So, all recalibrated?"

"Yeah," he said with a laugh.

"So, whatta ya wanna do now?" She toyed with the hem of her t-shirt.

"Some mindless TV?" he said. He was afraid her smile would droop, but instead it got wider.

"Elvira's Movie Macabre is on in ten minutes," Ray said. "If that's not intruding." Annie opened her mouth to reply.

"We'll allow it," Poul said. "If there's popcorn by the first commercial break."

-------

All good things come to an end, and Poul was reunited with his owner before the summer ended.

Ray drove to the airport and found the gate where Professor Luttock was arriving.

Traveling sylphs had to be nude, so Annie went nude in sympathy.

There was a happy reunion. She asked after his behavior, and Ray promised he'd been an excellent guest. She started walking as they talked.

"Are you getting your baggage?" he asked, confused. "Oh, no, dear. I have a speaking engagement in London. And they're not sylphobic. The British aren't. So I made sure to swing by and take my little pet with me. We can just make the flight." She raised the carrier up to her face. "Fish and chips, what?"

"And Page 3 Girls!" he cheered.

A few gates down, she allowed the sylphs to kiss goodbye, then hugged Ray and moved off towards the seating area. "Now," she was saying. "Tell me all about your summer."

Ray returned to the car and let the AC run for a bit. Annie dressed and sat on the dashboard while the car cooled.

"Ray?"

"Yes?"

"Which direction is London?"

He consulted the compass on his keychain and pointed. She faced that direction and softly sang, "My bonnie lies o'er the ocean."

It was the best Irish brogue he'd ever heard her do. He didn't comment until well after the song was over, though.

Thend



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