Dining In


In the meantime, Electra was trying to figure out HOW to do the interview.

For one thing, undines stood twice as tall as a sylph. She’d look silly crouched in the kitchen, and even though there was room in the living room, all the cameras were aimed such that her head would be cut off.

Plus, would Electra look silly sitting beside her guest’s knee? Or pompous sitting up in the loft?

That, at least, was a discussion I could contribute to.

“Why not take her to the Beach?” I asked.

“Right,” Electra sneered as she paced on the desk of my office. “Let’s take the world’s most famous ex-sylph out where the eagles can snatch her up. Brilliant, Conrad.”

“I didn’t mean the banks of Anderson Ranch Dam,” I said. “I mean the Beach.”

I picked her up and carried her to the props room. I’d been working on another set for the show.

This one was built in a shipping crate half-again as big as the set that replicated our first house. It was an expanse of sand and bright lights, with a couple of fire pits for clam bakes or whatever.

“What IS this?” she asked as I put her down. She turned in circles.

I turned on the walls and she was surrounded by sand dunes to one side and an ocean to the other. “You’ve been interviewing groups,” I pointed out. “And talking like you want to do BIG groups.” I placed the life-guard tower next to her. She climbed up it, counting the rungs of the ladder. I could have just told her that at the top, she’d be one foot off the ground, but let her convince herself.

I then pointed to a few of the cameras in place. Some were at a high angle to take shots of a big crowd. Or a big, big undine.

-----

Delli set to inventing Electra’s beachwear. The two of them decided on a life-guard theme to give her a certain amount of authority on the set.

Then Cher asked what Mia would be wearing. Electra scrambled to email out some queries for options and, if necessary, measurements.

While we were waiting for the replies, I gave everyone Friday afternoon off, with plenty of time to get our wards home for the prayer session.

Their parents had already explained about Grandpa being dead. Xander understood and Raven had something of a handle on it. Grandpa wasn’t going to tell her stories about the Three Little Pigs any more.

So we didn’t have to break any bad news to anyone.

We all sat in the grass beside the tent. Grandpa had loved the outdoors so it felt right. We sat in a circle. I explained that their Mom and Dad were all in a big group remembering Grandpa, and we were going to pray for him.

I used ‘we’ without guile. All of us were there to participate.

I really didn’t think it did Mortimer any good, but it might be good for the kids.

Brandy started us off with the Lord’s Prayer, I think. It sounded familiar, anyway.

Then she shared a favorite memory of the man. Xander shared one. Electra shared one, then Ace. Then I held Raven’s hand. She was feeling a little put-on-the-spot for a memorial.

Ace suggested she think of one word that reminded her of Grandpa.

“Fishing!” We all assured her that counted.

Ace led us in a closing prayer, in a wee, shaky voice.

Delli stood on Xander’s knee and started us off on Amazing Grace. I did not inflict the sound of my singing voice on innocent ears, but I did hum along.

The hard part of the day turned out to be explaining who Mia Cole was.

-----

We swung by the hotel where Mia and her brother, Stephen, were staying, after they’d had a chance to check in and unack.

Stephen opened the door to my knock, eyes taking in me, the kids, the sylph carrier with Electra’s logo.

I noticed that he dressed as a man quite a bit older than I was, but he appeared younger. He smiled and welcomed us inside.

“Just came by to welcome you to Idaho, make sure you were settled in, knew where the studio was,” I said.

“We’re all set on that,” he said. He gestured for me to be seated. I put the carrier down on the table and sat in the sofa.

“These are my godchildren. They’re staying with us for the week, but I don’t really know any sitters,” I explained. I introduced them.

They were looking all around the room as the sylphs came out of the carrier. Stephen’s eyes got wide as they just kept coming out into view.

“The, uh…” He pointed to Xander and Raven. “I was going to say, the more the merrier, but,” and he gestured at the table, “you beat me to it.”

More introductions were made, him to each sylph.

A door in the suite opened a tiny crack and Mia came out. She walked quickly over to the table and Stephen lifted her up.

I let Electra make the introductions this time.

I’m ashamed to admit that we all stared at the undine. She was at an odd height, really. I mean, I was used to Electra, after seventeen years. And I was used to Stephen, as I’d been around humans for about twice as long.

One-foot-tall people were a weird thing to see and contemplate, even aside from the implications of an earth-mother goddess and other magics.

The sylphs warmed to her instantly, except for Ace. That sylph had structured her vocabulary along very tight lines and she didn’t know where an undine fit. Sometimes she said ‘Miss Mia,’ and sometimes she didn’t. I wished that was the extent of my discomfort.

There was no visible reason for my feelings. She was a lovely girl. When she wasn’t standing next to a sylph, she looked slender. One eye was white and there was a scar crossing it, but it was almost tasteful. I had read that she’d healed it a bit, just not all the way. So it wasn’t a creepy scar.

She also had an adorable Southern accent. After she talked with Electra for five minutes, Raven started practicing saying ‘y’all.’ Xander picked up ‘ain’t’ just as quickly.

We invited them out to dinner, but their travel had been exhausting. They invited us to stay in for room service, then they’d be early to bed.

I was going to turn them down but I was rather loudly outvoted. Electra and Delli wanted to visit, Cher, Brandy, and Xander wanted to see the menu. Raven and Ace just assumed there would be hamburgers.

Electra did point out to me that our studio was paying for the room, anyway, so it was functionally the same as taking them out, but less stress for everyone.

So I helped arrange furntiture to make dining places for big and little people, then set out plates and drinks.

The kids sat at one end of the coffee table that the sylphs ate on. Stephen and I ate on a table next to the balcony.

“I have to apologize,” Stephen said softly. “I, uh, I’ve never seen your show.”

“It’s okay,” I assured him, just as softly.

“It’s just…” He felt like he owed me and an explanation. He didn’t, but it was easier to accept it than to argue with him. I waited patiently, snarfing through my ribeye sandwich.

“Well, on The Day, Mia disappeared. We never knew if she was alive or dead, someone’s pet, living fe-“

I raised one finger before he spoke the forbidden word, ‘feral.’ Domesticated animals went feral. Tiny humans just survived. He nodded his head. I assumed someone had lectured him once before. “Living in the wild,” he finished, glancing at the table.

Cher was arm-wrestling Mia over a box of Kleenex. It might have been a fair fight, almost, but she definitely had the leverage.

“Anyway, until we got the email from the Fosters, we weren’t interested in sylph matters. Too painful.” I nodded, accepting the explanation, smiling to show that I didn’t, and Electra wouldn’t, take it personally. Then I mentioned that we had met the Fosters, too. I wanted to move the conversation along from emotional self-admissions.

Just then, Raven raised her voice in song. Raven has a wonderful memory for any string of words that accompany a melody. I blame Sesame Street.

That’s how she was able to share ‘Second Week of Deer Camp,’ by the Yoopers.

I had taught Xander the words, but he was old enough to judge the audience. Raven was supposed to be asleep whenever I’d played the record…

But despite that, she was happily belting out ‘the only time we leave the camp is when we go for beer!’

Well, the Obriens weren’t a Mormon family, so it wasn’t a complete disaster.

Mia found it to be a wonderful rendition. “I’ve never heard of that song before!” She clapped when Raven finished, then turned to stare at the chair by the door. We all turned to follow her gaze.

No one was sitting in the chair by the door.

Mia nodded and turned back to the kids. “Your grandpa likes that song, but wonders if you’ve ever heard ‘In Heaven There Is No Beer’?”

“Grandpa?” Stephen asked. He was the only one capable of making a sound at that particular moment.

“Their Grandpa Mortimer,” Mia said. “He loves Raven’s singing, he just wondered about that one song.”

“I, uh, I know it,” Xander said. He looked from Mia to the chair, back to Mia, then to me. Me, because I’d taught him that song, too. I started clapping my hands. Everyone joined in, even Stephen and Mia.

Xander sang ‘In Heaven there is no beer, that’s why we drink it here.’ He was hesitant at first, but he got into it. He shouted “Everybody!” like a pro, and we all repeated the simple lyrics.

Mia clapped after it was over and told him that Grandpa had enjoyed his singing, too. They giggled and waved at the chair.

I stared at Electra. Because it would be rude to stare at the undine. But I was waiting for some idea from my sylph, was Mia jerking our chain or what?

She didn’t look at me, though. Not even a glance. Silly sylph was no help at all.

That was about when kids started yawning and we started saying our goodbyes.

I shook Stephen’s and Mia’s hands on the way out. Mia looked me right in the eye and said, “Grandpa says you did okay, for a heathen, but next time, maybe try saying the words.”

“That… That’s a credible imitation of the guy’s voice,” I told her. She smiled and knelt to hug Delli goodbye.

I held the carrier until everyone was inside, then we went out to the car.

Raven was quite excited that her Grandpa had enjoyed the song. Xander was trying to play it cool, but he kept nodding with Raven’s excitement.

I suggested that they point out to Mom and Dad that Grandpa Obrien had enjoyed both songs BEFORE demonstrating that they knew the words.

Cher laughed. “At least, until Conrad can figure a way to blame Electra for that.”

“Mister Conrad wouldn’t do that!” Ace protested.

“Nope. Too many witnesses,” Brandy said.

“Some people are entirely too comfortable with their guest status,” I snarled.

“YES!” Electra shouted. “Ain’t it great, y’all!?”

-----

Back at base camp, the kids started getting ready for bed. Delli drew my attention and I lifted her to my ear.

She leaned against my ear and said, “Conrad, the kids’ sylphs want to talk with you, alone. And it may take a while longer than just the bath.”

“Okay,” I said softly. “I’ll come up with some sneaky pretext to get them alone for a while.” She nodded as I put her back down on the sink counter.

When baths were done (and showers verified), and kids were in pajamas I made an announcement.

“Xander? Raven? Your sylphs want to talk to me alone. Since I can’t tuck you in without your sylphs, you can stay up and watch TV until we’re done.”

They immediately started arguing about what they should watch during the wait. I ended that by putting Xander in the living room, with Electra in charge of the remote; and Raven in the Master Bedroom, with Delli running that remote.

I took Ace and Brandy out to the Tantive-IV, placed them on the sylph mount, and started the engine to cover all sounds.

“That was your sneaky plan?” Brandy asked.

“You’ll notice that no one asked what you wanted to see me about,” I ponted out.

“It was very clever, sir,” Ace said.

“So, what did you want to see me about?”

“The ghost, sir,” Ace said. Brandy nodded. They looked as somber as I’d ever seen them.

“Did you see the ghost?” I asked. I found my eyes darting around the van, around the yard, the driveway, the porch…

“No,” Brandy said with a laugh. “But we believe that Mia did.”

“So did I,” I admitted. The thought had not been making me any more comfortable about undines, either.

“So what do we tell Mr. and Mrs. Obrien?” Ace asked.

“Are they going to be upset?” Brandy asked.

“With you? No, not at all. Why would they be?” I asked. I couldn’t imagine Chip or Chrissy being mad at a sylph.

“The ghosts,” Brandy tried to explain. She waved her hands trying to gesture…something. “They’re religious, they’re sure Mort’s in Heaven, they don’t want to think the kids are haunted…”

“And we’re sylphs, sir. Mia used to be a sylph. We could, you know, become… like her. And see ghosts. And tell the kids that their Grandpa likes drinking songs.”

“We’re kinda scared,” Brandy added. “Their reaction, and maybe the families’ reactions…”

“Mmm,” I hummed. “You know, the ghost of Grandpa Mortimer kinda scares me, too.” At that point I could not help but turn to the passenger seat and say, “Sorry, but it’s true.”

Neither sylph turned to follow my gaze, though their eyes went wide. “But, I really think you have absolutely no reason to fear Chip or Christmas.”

I bent down close to them. “You know that Chip and I went to school with Electra, before she sylhped, right?” They nodded.

“And Miss Chrissy,” Ace added.

“No, she came after the sylphing,” Brandy said.

“Did you know,” I wen ton, “that Chip used to date Electra?” Their eyes practically popped. “And at the time, Chip’s family were members of Humans First.”

Brandy sat down suddenly on the little bench. Ace sagged, holding the armrest tight.

“BUT,” I added quickly, “they got to know Electra and they gave up that shit.” Brandy sighed, Ace still looked stressed. “In fact, Chip broke away from Humans First IN ORDER to keep in touch with Electra.

“He adapted to her as a person, admittedly a very small and opinionated person, in spite of his background.

“And Chrissy made friends with Electra the moment they met. So, her whole history of sylphs is one of love and tolerance and teaming up on stupid boys to tease me, I mean them.” The sylphs laughed at that. Ace hid her smile behind her hand, Brandy just guffawed at me

“The family took a little longer, but they’re okay. We’ve been to their house. Even had dinner there, a time or two.”

‘Whew,” Ace said.

“Exactly. The families are not going to be a problem. From what I hear, they dote on you guyes ALMOST as if you were grandkids or nephews, anyway.”

“Nieces, sir,” Ace said in gentle correction.

“You sure?” I asked. Brandy blew a raspberry. “Okay. Well, anyway, -I- don’t think you have anything to fear from anyone about what Mia can do.

“So, I recommend the truth.” They both relaxed at that. I think that’s what they wanted to do in any case. Partly because Raven can’t keep a secret for more than 45 seconds, and that’s if it takes her 40 seconds to find someone to tell.

Reminds me of Butters at the Sylph Center, she really does.

“Besides, it’s a good story about Grandpa. He saw the kids one last time and they weren’t afraid of him.” They nodded, accepting that.

I didn’t mention that I was still scared shitless. Tiny shrunken sylphs were about as much weirdness as I was prepared for. I don’t know why, but that was my limit.

But my guests were content, so we went inside.

I immediately shouted ‘bedtime,’ of course, but let each kid’s sylph talk me into letting them stay up to the end of the show they were watching.

Cher told me when Ace needed help. Raven had fallen asleep in the middle of my bed. I pocketed the sylph and carried the girl to her room, tucked them both in.

Xander was awake to the end of his show, then trooped himself off to bed in the tent, along with his fellow campers.

-----

About an hour after I turned off the porch light, the glass door slid open and Xander came inside. He had his sleeping bag over one shoulder, the sylphs cradled in his other arm.

“Rain,” he said.

“Surely the tent’s waterproof?” I asked, putting down my magazine.

“It’s the sizzling-steak sound of the rain on the roof,” he said. “All Brandy can think of is steak. And all -I- can think of is how hungry Brandy is.”

He sat down next to me on the sofa. The pets giggled.

“Now that you mention it,” I said. “Electra’s hungry, too.” Giggles. I stood up. “I can’t offer a steak, but we DO have the fixings for roast beef sandwiches.” I walked to the kitchen. I paused as I went down the hall. Ghirardelli and Cher were scurrying up their ladder to the catwalk.

“Mister Conrad, sir?” Cher said, raising one hand.

“You’re telling me that Ace is hungry, too.” I turned to the stairs and said, “Ace, if Raven’s awake, she’s allowed to bring you down for a snack.” Feet started to pad across the carpet upstairs. “Okay,” I muttered. “I hope we still have pickles...”



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Index

145. Dining Out

147. Undining