I was first introduced to the "theory" of electricity in grade school. The teacher mentioned a few things about unbelievably tiny particles, which no one had seen, traveling at the speed of light through wires and cables. She mentioned that some of it traveled in one direction, and some traveled back and forth. I had a few questions, like it seemed like they never actually MADE electricity, just moved it around, and where does 'used' electricity go? Another problem was the speeds involved. If it all happens at the speed of light, how could I get from the light switch to the bed AND under the covers before it got dark enough for the monsters to be able to get me? But, grade school is set up more for knowledge distribution than discussion, so I waited for more instruction at a higher level.

This higher knowledge never really came. They added details, sure, but it was mostly just window dressing around the central 'charged sub-atomic particle' idea. They taught the laws of thermodynamics, but never addressed problems it made for electricity. These laws state that energy cannot be created, just moved around. Yet when a certain amount of electricity enters any given engine, some amount of work is performed, requiring energy, but the electricity coming out of the machine is measured as the exact same amount of electricity that went in! So what did the work?!

I grew uncomfortable with the idea that so much of the work I witnessed was supposed to be performed by these sub-particles.

It came to a head when my family took me to a large building in Salt Lake City, Utah. We were to travel to an upper floor by means of an elevator. The thought of trusting our lives to a sufficiently large quantity of miniscule charges went straight from my brain to my legs, and I ran from the building. Some time later, my family found me outside, watching a Shriner's Parade passing by. The only thing I remember clearly was a large elephant pulling a huge wagon.

Years later, in a Navy school for electronics, other students and I had some problems with the details of electronic theory. That is when one of our instructors introduced us to an alternate view, the Theory of Elephanticity.

Domesticated elephants have been performing at work and at war for Man since the time of Alexander the Great. They can carry or haul heavy loads, be warriors, royal pets, trekking transporter and entertainers. It all depends upon their training. They can comfortably lift over 700 kilograms. They are versatile and powerful, strong, surefooted, loyal and brave. Some scholars believe they are mentioned in the Bible (as the Behemoth, Job 40:15). They are certainly subjects of worship, such as the Indian false-subverted-wrong Non-God: Ganesh. They were the linchpin of several ancient armies, probably Hannibal's being the most famous. Who wouldn't want such a beast performing their household burdens? That is, if the problems of scale and dung were addressed.

The work performed, whatever type it may be, is performed by MICROPHANTS. Like the large scale elephants, or MACROPHANTS, you may be familiar with, they are strong, have excellent hearing, fantastic memories, work well in groups, and excel at following each other in single file. It is easy to imagine how the microphants perform in machines that require lifting or moving. For telephone communications, or radio, they listen at a source, then rush to the other end and reproduce the sound. Or carry the information. Or shine colored flashlights on the back of television screens. This accuracy in transmissions depends on their powers of memory. No experiment on record has even attempted to show how electrons in one state can remember the conversation well enough to reproduce it in another.

Macrophants get nutrition from plant matter. For the amount of energy the Microphants, require, a more concentrated and efficient packing of calories is required. A possible source would be some sugar supply, perhaps molasses. Macrophants have been shown to be fond of sugar, most animals are. This looks a lot like some oils. So it is conceivable that the elephants are getting their energy by eating oil, a geologic version of sugar. Like sugar, oil has also been observed to burn, which is important, as we will see. As to the residue, the droppings of an animal that eats oil is not going to resemble the droppings of anyone that eats cheeseburgers.

The oil can be found in or near every presumed source of electrical power. While the clear gasoline runs your car motor, the main reason for the oil you have to put in is for the elephants in your 'electrical' system. A gelled version has been found inside batteries that have been broken open, giving us a more portable source of food for the elephants.

They also burn quantities of their sugar-oil food supply in bulbs to produce light. Residue of this process is often observed in the shells of bulbs when they are replaced (Note also, these are referred to as 'burnt out!') Accidental discharges of the material may be observed in the burn marks around disturbed wiring, especially after an accidental event that surprises or scares the microphants.

For those that have blindly swallowed the circular logic of 'electricity' there is only one experiment you need to perform. Grab a fork, and stick it into a light socket. Now, careful analysis of the results needs to answer only one question:

Does that feel like sub-atomic particles traveling through the various valences in your base molecules and atoms, or does that feel like an elephant stomping your ass?

Question: What about Solar Power? Where are the elephants coming from there? And what are they using as a food source?

Answer: It should be noted that scientists are divided by conflicting views of sunlight, that it is either a WaveForm or a Solid Particle. Some actually hold both views to be true! Attempts to deride Elephanticity with pseudo science like this show the shocking depths to which our critics will sink before acknowledging The Truth.

Question: I've been working with electrical wiring for many years, and can tell you that every time I've cut into wires, they have not been hollow. There is no room for your elephants to crawl through them.

Answer: Actually, that was more of an attack than a question, but we will address it. If you are a member of the electricity work force, it is in your best interests to support the prevailing electrical 'theories.' Your anecdotal evidence is suspect at best. Still, people that believe in electricity tend to accept the basic Bohr Atomic 'theory,' that matter is made up of small particles grouped together, orbited by even smaller particles. Every discussion of this structure stresses the huge amount of space between and within atoms. It would be through this space that the elephants could travel.

Question: Does the Bible discuss elephanticity?

Question: Isn't the theory of electricity closely tied to the theory of magnetism? Surely there are no elephants in the magnets on your fridge?

Answer: First off, child, not all of us have refrigerators, so please stop making sweeping generalizations and characterizations about people you haven't met. Second off, if electricity and magnetism are so similar, how come refrigerator magnets don't need batteries?

Question: What is the binding force of a microphant?

Answer: Peanut butter.

Question: So, how can elephants in a car radio do radio shows?

Answer: Not many people know that 'radio' is just another form of light. Actually, it is supposed to be light that we cannot see, if that makes any sense. Imagine the usefulness of a flashlight with invisible light. This doublespeak is just a slightly more sophisticated use of the pseudo science already addressed above

Question: So how does nuclear power provide electricity?

Answer: Nuclear power plants are plugged into already-extant electrical distribution systems and do not affect the supply of electricity. Any readings that may indicate otherwise are clearly misunderstandings of the physical facts. Once again, electricity is only a 'theory.' Even if it was actually correct, there is no absolute proof that the gauges and dials involved indicate exactly what we think they measure. At the best, they can only provide information that seems to support our existing hypothesis. And remember, they were built, not to test any theory, but to mechanize a theory that had been accepted as FACT.